Thursday, November 27, 2008

In Love with Love.

Recently I have been obsessed with love stories. All manner of love stories; lovers, spouses, parents and children, human to human, any love at all. I don't know what started it. I mean I always like listening to stories about people in love. I love reading my own story of love and watching my wedding video. But something recently ignited in me and my apatite has become voracious. TV shows where a deep, passionate (sometimes dark and scary) love is the central theme have become my torrents of choice. Books are the same regardless of their literary credentials. Same goes for blogs and music. At the moment I am just hooked on love.
I think that part of it is the rush you get. My good friend Trevor once told me that he thought I was addicted to that bio-chemical reaction that one experiences when they are first in love. I don't think he was wrong in his assessment of me. Of course at that time I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to know how good it feels when that initial rush passes and morphs into something new and different. I could not imagine anything that could feel better then falling in love. Boy was I wrong because falling in love has NOTHING on the warm, comfortable embrace of BEING in love, in a secure relationship. I know it sounds trite but it is true. And I will tell you why. For me, and I can't speak for anyone else, the RUSH of the falling is accompanied by something else, something much more sinister, it is a deep, DEEP, anxiety.
Falling in love means that the rug can be pulled out from underneath you at any moment. When you are falling in love you have to be on your best behavior ALL the time. One pms induced tear, one escaped fart in a moment of weakness, on single hair missed in the great shaving extravaganza and the whole thing could come crumbling down. When you are falling in love there are no wet towels on the bed, no toe nail clippings on the dresser. When you are falling in love you are the BEST you that you can be. It is so damn uncomfortable. I know I can put on a good face, I can look pretty and talk about interesting things... for about ten minutes. Then I am going to spill something on my shirt, fall up the stairs and fart. Probably all at the same time. The love stories that touch me the most are the ones that have been tested and survived. Like a Timex they have taken a lickin' and kept on tickin'. Today at lunch I saw a man who must have been 80 opening the car door for his sweetie and helping her in. That is the love that reduces me to tears. That is the love in the world I want to show my children. And I think that is the root of my recent unquenchable thirst for the big L is coming from. I keep seeing things that make me doubt people, doubt humanity and the inherent goodness for people. I need to be reminded that there is so much love out there in the world, just as there is within the wall of our home. Not everyone is pirate, a terrorist or a pedophile. Most people are decent and hard working and have a love story of their own to tell.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Hotel Review - The Westin Nova Scotia

Okay so every few months my girl friend Aimee and I like to get away from our men folk, check in to a hotel and act like girly fools. We order room service, swim in their pool, and treat ourselves like queens. It is a grand ol' time and we of course think we are worth it.
Two weekends ago we were booked into The Westin Nova Scotia. We booked this room more then two months ago and were REALLY looking forward to it. As it happened in between the time we made the booking and our date Aimee took a second job and ended up having to work on the Saturday, it certainly was not the end of the world but I think it was less enjoyable for both of us that Aimee couldn't be there until after 10pm. Aimee called the hotel to make sure that I could check in without her since the reservation was made on her card. They said it was fine and that check in started at 3pm.
So I started over on the bus around 2pm. It was not too bad really, it wasn't really raining yet and I didn't have to to wait to long for the connections. When I got there it was just about bang on 3pm. I was delighted of course when the doorman smiled at me and opened the door. Very nice touch. I love the decor of this place, walking in the lobby made me feel so posh. I went to the desk to register and was helped by a very nice (not hard on the eyes) young man. However I was very annoyed when he told me that our room would not be ready for an HOUR. An hour! The reason why we double checked the check in time was to avoid something like this.
Well all was not lost, I saw that they served Starbucks in their lounge and so I went over with Aimee's laptop and ordered myself a latte. Well let me tell you something. The sign says they serve Starbucks coffee and they have a little Starbucks sign but this is very misleading. The serve Starbucks coffee in the same way I can at home, you buy Starbucks brand coffee and brew it up. The girl who served me was snotty and the latte was just about one of the worst things I have ever tasted. She was no Starbucks Barista I can tell you that. Thank GOD for the wifi connection in the lounge of I would have been really pissed.
I passed an hour feeling a bit like a stranger in a strange land, it reminded me a wee bit of waiting in hostels or airports when I was younger but with the cynicism and fatigue of age.
At 4pm I went back up to the desk to inquire if our room was ready and the guy couldn't find one that was ready, until he looked up and saw the murderous glare in my eyes. Did I mention that this reservation was made TWO months ago? Well when the nice young man noticed I was getting pretty cross he magicked up a room.

I was looking forward to dropping into bed and sleeping for a while with no cats walking on my head. I figured Aimee and I would be up late gabbing so a nap would be a good idea.
I plugged the laptop into the internet provided in the room and was DISGUSTED to find that it was going to cost me $10.00 to get hooked up until check out the next day. $10!!! That is highway robbery! They have 310 rooms. If even half their guest use the internet hook up that is $1550 a DAY. How big is their Eastlink bill that they need to charge so much?



The room it's self was pretty.Good colours. Good use of the old architecture.
There were two good sized closets which would be great if you has stuff to hang. (Since I had such a tiny closet at the holiday in when Aimee and John got married this is something I now notice.)




One of the closets had a safe which I knew would tickle Aimee.
<--------


The beds had lovely linens, I am a fan of good linen. No scratchy wool blankets, no ugly 80's bedspread. This is a big bonus for me. I like pretty things. Speaking of pretty, we were on the back side of the hotel so we had a pretty kick ass view of the harbour and Georges Island, or would have if the fog had not been so dense.

There was a nice flat screen tv which of course I loved since I am a TV junkie in detox.

There was also a beautiful writing/computer desk. It was so cool because there were all kinds of plugs and inputs built into the front of the desk.

I love mod-cons! On the dresser/entertainment unit were a couple of $5.00 bottles of water. I love going through drawers at hotels. I guess I am on the look out for things people left behind. I have never found anything interesting. But this time in my hunting I found something really fun....





A MINI BAR!






I have never, in my memory, stayed in a hotel with a mini bar. I was trying to check it out, I mean I didn't really want a $20 bag of chips (okay I exaggerate a little) but I wanted to look. I turned the room upside down but I could not find the key. I certainly was not going to CALL down to have them send me a key so they could charge me $20 for a bag of chips. When Aimee arrived she did the whole thing over again and came to the same answer. So I hung out watching TV for a while (oh sweet TV I miss you so) then I realized I was hungry so I decided that rather then go out in the rain to Taj Mahal I would order in room service. I mean I have heard great things about the food here so I was pretty excited anyway. I should have braved the rain. While the food wasn't horrible it was certainly not good enough to warrant what I paid for a salad, burger, sweet potato fries and can of pop. The rest of the evening was split between the tv and drying off from the Christmas parade (that is a story for another day). The tub was nice, the water stayed hot and the bed was comfy. All good things. Then finally Aimee showed up. YAY!

She was flustered however because the whole parking lot for the hotel was full so she had to park, in the pouring rain, out on the street overnight and pray she did not get a ticket.
She ordered dinner and I got dessert. Mmm. Aimee's dinner was a lot better then mine so now I know they CAN cook and my dessert was good although not what I was told I was getting.
Aimee and I spent the rest of the night howling with laughter at the names of the dirty movies and trying to decide if it was worth it to spend $12 to watch a regular movie. In the end $12 was just too much for a movie that I can probably already get on DVD for less.
Eventually we decided it was time to bunk down. When the TV we was off we noticed the strangest thing. We could hear really loud music coming fro somewhere. We checked the hall, nothing. We looked out the windows towards Electropolis, nothing. In the end we determined that we were RIGHT above one of the hotel ball rooms and there was a wedding going on. A very loud wedding. Which o course as a wedding guest I would love but when I am trying to sleep. Not so much. However eventually Aimee stopped chatting and the music went away and I drifted off to sleep. I even had a half decent rest, right up until the sun came up. See we had closed all the drapes in the room to block out the morning light but there was no drape in the bathroom which ordinarily would not have been a big deal but in this case the bathroom door was not solid wood it was glass so that bright morning light just came shinning in. Aimee and I were both solidly pissed at this.



The natural, unstoppable light at 7:30am
<========= evil! Breakfast came shortly after 8:30 and again the food was ok but certainly nothing to write home about and surely not worth what we paid for it.

After breakfast we went down to the pool. It was bathtub warm and had cool art deco architecture but there was no deep end which I found weird. The hot tub seats were oddly arranged so that you were either too deep or much too high out of the water and the surface of the tub was FILTHY. I was too grossed out and decided I couldn't stay so we got out. But of course there were no towels left. Figures so we dripped all the way back up to the room praying that no one would see us. We had lots of time to kill before check out but we just weren't feeling the vibe so we decided to check out early and do some shopping. The final slap in the face came when Aimee went to settle the bill and she had to pay $1.00 for a local phone call. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I could not believe it. I was beyond grossed out at this blatant rip off.

The long and the short of it.... The Westin won't be on my list of places to stay in Halifax anytime soon! And that is sad for them because look how cool WE are!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sitting in the lounge at the Westin Nova Scotia waiting to check into our room. It is mine and Aimee's hotel weekend but she has to work until 9:30. Shitty planning but it can't be helped. Anyway our room is not ready to I am sitting here with Aimee's laptop drinking the worst Starbucks latte ever and feeling pretty pretentious. Gil is still in evil ol' Toronto and I must say that I miss him terribly. I have gotten used to him just being there. But it has me thinking (ohhh I just saw a beautiful bride walk by and now I feel all smushy) anyway as I was saying... Him being away has me thinking that I take him for granted too much. He is my constant companion but he is also sort of my back up plan. If I am not doing something with Aimee or David or whoever then we might make a plan to do something. I was talking to my brother today and he said the problem with his last relationship was that they just were friends and nothing more anymore and I never want that to happen to Gil and I. So I have to think about those things more often. I want him to know he is always my first choice for a date, that even when he is away from me he is always on my mind.
Anyway. That is all I have to say about that at the moment.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

As promised a post on a topic....Topic # 1....

As a primer to tackling the Big A I wanted to take a brief look at the "Morning After Pill"...

I think that it is important that I be honest about my experiences when discussing all these topics because I am a real person and it is my experiential reality which shapes my world view. So I will be perfectly candid and tell you that I have personally used the MAP ... actually I have used it 3 times.

The first time I was around 17 and I had some very inadvisable sex with an extremely inadvisable "man" and I was too stupid to insist he wear a condom. Yeah I wanted him to like me. I paid for that error in judgment. I spent a very pleasant 16 hours on the cold bathroom floor throwing my ever lovin' guts up. I also swore I would never have unprotected sex again...yeah right.
and so...

The next time I was 20 and living in England. I was in love, engaged and totally fucked up. It would have been a disaster to get pregnant/be a parent at that time of my life. We went to "casualty" and got the pills. I did not get sick that time. Sadly however what I did not know at that time was that I was already 8 weeks pregnant. The combination of the MAP and the recreational drugs and party lifestyle that we were living lead to a miscarriage not long after. It was a hard time for all of us and I still struggle with the results of my actions however I stand by the fact that I was not ready to be a parent at that time.

The last time was different. The last time is hard to talk about. The last time I don't recall being given a choice but I would have taken it either way. The last time I was raped. The MAP was just a few more pills in a veritable cocktail of meds they handed me in the emergency room along with what I can only guess where some high dose antibiotics and perhaps a sedative and/ or pain killer. I don't remember feeling sick. I don't remember feeling anything at all for a long time.

From this safe vantage point in my life eleven years later I know that if the MAP was not an option
made available for me, I might not have made it through that ordeal alive; if I would have had to worry about a possible pregnancy on top of everything else I might have killed myself.

So as you see I am unable to
talk about the subject and be completely objective and I know that but I will try and be as fair as possible.

Let's look at this from a medical perspective.
The Hypocratic Oath says "
...Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy..." (which I assure you I will get back to when I discuss abortion!)
and Miriam-Webster say an abortion is "the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus"
So if my logic follows in order for there to be an ABORTION there has to be an embryo or fetus. How does this jive with what we know about the morning after pill?
The pills themselves are
basically a higher dose of the same hormones found in regular oral contraceptive pills (The Pill).
According to every source I can find, the emergency contraception pill is good for only up to 72 hours post sexual encounter.
However the earlier you take it, the better: the morning-after pill works best if taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex.
However it is effective up until 72 hours. Three days. What happens in those three days? Well lets just assume for the arguments sake that at the at the time of said sex you have actually ovulated. (which I would like to add is not as easy to time as you might think)
If intercourse is timed correctly then between 100 and 300 million sperm may be awaiting the appearance of the solitary ovum. Some sperm are probably lost, heading in the wrong direction or up the wrong the fallopian tube, and other sperm may be neutralized by the immunity-function of white blood cells. I know this sounds some kind of freaking science fiction, doesn't it! The fact is, of the millions of sperm that navigate their way from the vagina to the fallopian tube, only several hundred of the healthiest will get the opportunity to meet the egg.
At this key junction, the question remains: Will the ovum get fertilized? Let's see what can happen.... The sperm will typically meet the egg in the lower quadrant of a fallopian tube and start to swarm around the egg. The ovum is covered by a protective field known as the zona pellucida, and in order for fertilization to take place, sperm cells must find a keyhole (or receptor) to unlock the zona pellucida, gain entrance, and burrow their way to the oocyte, the genetic core of the ovum. Only one sperm will connect with the oocyte, precipitating genetic combination - signaling that fertilization has just taken place. With fertilization, the ovum becomes the zygote or embryo and now passes through complex phases of cell division and differentiation. BadaBing! You have just conceived!
How long does this take? Here is the major question as it pertains to the MAP. Nothing I have found has said it take "36, 48, 73 hours" for the sperm
with the Golden Ticket to unlock the gate, gain entrance, and burrow its way into the warm gooey comfy spot that is the oocyte.
The prospective of most Pro-Life movements
(which I promise I will look at more closely in future) is that life beings at when this Spermy, Eggy meeting happens. The very very moment. The Medical community, for the most part has a different perspective. Prior to implantation the the combined spermy/eggy is in a sort of free floating phase. In order for pregnancy to actually occur the Zygot must successfully implant in the endometrial lining. Implantation typically takes place several days and up to a week following ovulation.

"Several days to a week" ... that is is pretty vague to me. I could not find a statistic on how long the average woman waits before getting the pills, how many women use it within the first 24 hours, which we have already been told it is the most effective, or how many women wait a few hours after they have them to make sure they want to do it. All the little things may be a contributing factor.

So here is what I think. I morning after pill, if taken properly as it is intended, is not an "abortion pill', it does not terminate a pregnancy, it prevents one from taking place. It temporarily stops the release of an egg from the ovary, it
prevents fertilization and/or it prevents a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus. I don't think that this pill should be used as a primary form of birth control, I think that people, my self included you take responsibility for birth control prior to engaging in sexual behavior however... shit happens and I think that this is a viable, acceptable plan B.