I know I have been absent for most of February which certainly runs contrary to what I had planned but it has been an incredibly difficult month for me and for my family and so even though I thought that my blog would be a good place to work through my emotions I was always just too tired or too freaked out or too busy to sit down and write. To be honest I don't know if I am ready yet to work through my emotions. Usually I am pretty good at talking about what is bothering me but this I am having such a hard time processing that I start to cry when I even think about talking about it and so for a little while longer I am going sweep it under the rug. I acknowledge that it is there and at some point I am going to have to deal but for just a little while longer I am going to focus all my energy on planning my bright and beautiful future. Gil and I have lots to look forward to this coming year and things might change, plans may get adjusted or even canceled but there is still a lot to look forward to. Next week we will be in Vegas and that is going to be a screaming good time. I am looking more forward to this trip than the last one even though it is shorter. I have more idea what I want to do while I am there and the weather is going to be a lot more tolerable than it was the last time we were there. I do not recommend the desert in the middle of August for what it is worth. We are going to take a trip in the spring to either New York or London. Then if there is any money to be found we are going to make a few minor improvements to the house/yard. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment by saying that after last year it can't possible be as bad this year but I do have a feeling this year is going to be better. It has to be better right?
I know that on top of the awfulness my family I am also feeling the effects of February-itis. I am tired and frustrated by the cold, the snow, the damp, the dark. I am tired of almost slipping and falling every time I go anywhere. The other day I slipped in the parking lot at Gil's work and I did an honest to god full front split. It was awful.I felt like I pulled every muscle from my belly button to my knee caps. I am tired of having to put on 18 layers of clothes just to take the dogs out for a pee.
But in two days it will be March and then on the 13th the time will change the days will be longer and then there will be gardens and tea parties and all manners of awesomess. I just have to plow on and smile through it.
