What's been on my mind...

A few week ago I stumbled on a video that has really stuck with me.
It is called Killing Us Softly 3.
Since that time I have found myself obsessively looking at ads and trying to dissect what the ad is trying to tell me. I have spent hours combing the internet and magazines and it is really profoundly disturbing.
So I thought I would share a couple of them with you.

First up, this lovely Portuguese MTV ad for safe sex....

Okay, I don't speak Portuguese but I get it, having sex with out a condom is dangerous.

I am SURE there was a better way to convey this message. I can think of half a dozen better/different means of telling women that they should use a condom and I am not an advertising executive.
For Example....
I love these ones from the Ministry of Health and Social Services Quebec. They say SO much and without reducing a faceless woman to her sexual parts.
And speaking of her sexual parts, to me these are not the nethers of a grown woman, they are the nethers of a undeveloped prepubescent girl.

I believe in safe sex.
I believe in advertising of safe sex.
I don't believe in equating safe, consensual sex with images that that make sex look sinister and violent.
This picture doesn't sing to me of taking charge of my own reproductive health but screams to me of rape and sexual violence against helpless vulnerable girls.

There are dozens more of these and I am going to try and share some more. But for now I am going to go look at pictures of kitties and flowers to try and erase some of this awfulness.

Another Sunday stroll through my mind...

This week I compromised on something I felt strongly about. It didn't feel good, I am not sure I made the right choice but I did it for my husband and our marriage. I drapes in the living room. He even picked out the drapes. This is hard. In fact I am sitting in the living room right now trying to acclimate to them. So far they just look weird. Boy, relationships are hard work. Who knew?
While I am sitting here I am soaking in the backyard view. All our leaves are aflame with colour, it is really quite spectacular.
I love Sunday so much but there is always the threat of Monday lurking right around the corner. And I am really not looking forward to this coming week so it sneaks up all the quicker. Time is sneaky like that. What I really need is one full week of Sundays. And I hope that in 47 days that is exactly what I am going to have.'Cause that is when we head out for our week at White Point. I seriously can't wait. Because it is the very end of November, first week of December I anticipate that it will be even quieter then normal there. I have already checked the website and as far as I can tell there is nothing special happening there that week. The last few times we were down seemed to coincide with busy festivals and events. For the whole week we are going to sit in front of the fireplace, read, play chess, drink wine, talk and sleep. We don't have to worry about running to get from one place to the next. We don't have to squeeze in any extra chores or errands. I can't begin to tell you how much all of this excites me. I am going to go for walks on my own and take pictures. I am going to book a massage. I am going to swimming in the indoor pool. I am going eat, oh yeah I am going to eat well.
Oh I am getting so excited. And I am hoping as well that it will be the last trip the two of us make by ourselves for a while. Which is to say I hope that we have a kid soon, not that I don't want to go away with Gil anymore. I love my Sweet Baboo!

Adoption stuff...

So I haven't talked much recently about the adoption process. That has been sort of deliberate. I needed to take some of my own focus away. It is so easy for me to get so obsessive. We are still in home study mode however I have not been overly involved. It has been Gil's time to do one on one interviews with our lovely social worker. They meet here once a week in the morning and talk about.. I dunno, stuff, Gil isn't too clear when I ask for details. Not that he is hiding things from me but he is not a big talker and certainly not about his personal life and I think that translates to a difficulty in sharing with me the content of their conversations. Fortunately I will get to find out for myself in the near future as I have my first date with her a week from Monday. I am not meeting her here at the house because we work on the same block so it makes more sense to meet at her office. Which is a bit a relief, not because I am worried about the house. I have stopped caring about the mess, we are normal people and I think our mess reflects that. No I am relieved because I live in perpetual fear of being late and being judged on that. So sad. I am not sure where this obsessive fear of tardiness comes from but I wish it would ease up a bit. I guess I have something else to work on. Anyway there is one little glitch about meeting her at her office. The building. The building that her office is located in hold a LOT of personal history for me. I worked there for a while when I worked for Moose. But more specifically my Father worked there. I think it will be weird for me to sit and talk about the abuse I experienced in a place that is so infused with the abuser. Anyway. I think I am going to steer away from this line of thought a little while longer as it is having an impact on my lovely Saturday morning vibe.

TGIF!!

Okay it is a corny saying but I am genuinely thankful it is Friday. I know that the weekend ahead of me is a busy one. They always are, and this one more so with the in-laws and turkey dinner and yard prep for the winter. Every weekend is busy; every weekend is packed to the brim with things that were neglected during the week; every weekend zips by entirely too fast, but Friday is different. Friday night the weekend has begun but is still pregnant with possibility. You can drink coffee and not worry about staying up too late. I can flake out in front of the dumb box. I can go out or stay in. I can do anything I want... it's Friday!

'cause I cried listening to the news today...

I am a smush head. I am unrepentantly emotional. I cry, often and plentifully. I cry when I read or hear stories of others suffering. I feel things deeply. I cry when I hear about abused children and animals. I cry when I hear about homeless people dying in the cold. I cry when I hear that the shelves in the food bank are bare. I cry when I hear that a little boy who was thought lost or dead in some freak balloon accident is found alive and hiding in the attic. Sometimes I wonder if being so emotional is a handicap. I worry that maybe I am weak. Then I realize that my compassion is one of my greatest assets. I love deeply, I feel deeply, despite having been through ten kinds of hell I still love humans, I still love humanity. I mourn with them, I celebrate with them. My tears are not weakness, they are awesome. What a gift!

Charity begins at home...

As the weather gets colder I start thinking about the holidays, baking and decorating, and people in need. I don’t know what exactly it is about the holidays that makes us more charitable, I wish I could say that it was something that I carried through the whole year but that is a lie. Well that is not entirely true, when I can I donate clothes and household items to charity, I give to breast cancer research and for several years I sponsored a child in a third world country. But that is thoughtless charity, which is to say that I am not thinking about the intent when I do it. When I donate clothes I am trying to get them out of my house, the money for the child came out of my bank automatically every month and I never really gave much thought about who it was intended for. I believe that charity isn’t just an action but also and intent.

You may know already that my wonderful husband volunteers most of his Friday and Saturday evenings in December to work for Operation Red Nose and last year I went with him for two shifts as well. And I loved it. It was totally rewarding.

Another thing we did last year was to contribute regularly to the food bank. And not just the crappy stuff in our cupboard that we don’t want to eat ourselves. When we go to the grocery store we pick a couple of items and buy extra, it especially good when things are on BOGO. We try and pick things we like ourselves because if I were receiving help I would be sad if all I got was Kraft Dinner and cans of soup. I don’t want to give “charity” I want to give someone a helping hand.

My plan this year starts November first. Each and every time we go to the grocery store for ourselves I will pick up a few things for the food bank. I want to donate some money too so the food bank can buy perishables.

More thoughts...

Can anyone explain to my why it is that I check my email a thousand times a day? I don't get that much email, especially since the advent of Facebook. I rarely get any email of consequence, mostly forwards from friends or junk. I don't mean for Viagra or anything but stores who I have foolishly given my address to, etc.
Anyway, I check my email way to often. I also check Twitter and Facebook compulsively. In many ways it has replaced my tv watching habit. I did take a Facebook break for 5 days and it was fine. I kicked tv for the most part except the odd indulgence of a dvd bender once and a while. For example I have been on a Criminal Minds binge this weekend. It helps with all the chopping and peeling to be immersed in murder and mayhem.
Anyway I don't even know why I am rambling on about this. Except that I have been thinking about how much technology is part of our daily lives. The computer, the tv, the cell phone... technology is everywhere and it permeates my life, our lives. Right now I am in my basement watching tv, writing this on my laptop, being warmed by an electric heater, while the washer and dryer whirl away while my husband is up stairs blowing up alien bugs on his computer. We are totally typical in our social circle. But I can't help but wonder what it would be like with out all these means of interaction/ distraction. Would I read more? Visit with friends more? Clean my house more? Would I have longer conversations with my husband? Would I sleep better at night? Would I find it easier to tap into my creative energy? Would I be a better cook? Would I know how to knit or sew? I won't be able to answer those questions of course. I can't and wouldn't remove all this technology from my life. It is a part of who I am and the universe that I live in.
But it is certainly worth recognizing that I spend too much time with all these electronics. That I should shut it all down once and a while. Like now... yeah... good idea.

Thanksgiving Chez Hilltop!

Post 300!

Well here we sit full of turkey and all the trimmings. I am in my favorite chair, my beloved husband is snoozing on the sofa as is his father. In the kitchen I hear my mother in law starting to clean up. I am not going to try and stop her, it would be futile, plus I have been cooking and cleaning all day and I welcome the break. It is a little chilly but I have on comfy slippers and a good sweater. I have a cup of tea on the go. Life is pretty much perfect. I have so much to be thankful for and I am glad I took sometime to recognize that this week.
`I feel like I am right where I should be in my life and that is such a good feeling. No things have not happened the way I planned but I don't think that is a bad thing. I know that I seldom discuss my religious beliefs here and that is not by design necessarily, it just has not been terribly pertinent. I do believe in god and I do believe that what ever she/he/it is, they are present in my daily life. I think I have never been more then I can handle even if I didn't think I could handle it at the time. I think that my life is formed by the choices that I make but I feel divine presence in the good choices. That is how I know they are good. Anyway I guess what I am trying to say that I am feeling the goodness in my life, in my universe. Thank you god or universe or Mom. Thank you for this beautiful life.

OKAY...

So we aren't going to have any heat or hot water until Tuesday or Wednesday. That totally sucks but we have decided to look at it as an adventure, like camping only with more comfort. So I choose to see how fortunate we are. We have power, we have phones, we have running (cold) water. We have a comfortable bed, a space heater, computers, lots of food, lots of friends and family on the way for a beautiful Thanksgiving meal. We are blessed people and that is where i choose to focus my energy. Thanksgiving or not it is important to recognize how blessed we are in our lives. It is so easy to get caught up in what goes wrong and what is bad. Even a day when a dozen things go write it is the one thing that goes wrong that gets stuck in our craw. I am certainly guilty of this kind of thinking. I have a problem with rolling with changes in the plan. I tend to get cranky and irritable and even if the new thing is going to be fun I resist and resist and dig my heals in. I let it ruin my experience. I often let it ruin other people's as well. I really want to change that, I don't like that about myself and I am pretty sure that Gil doesn't like it either. I want to be a more positive human. This is a goal I am setting right now. Yeah! That is it!

Learning to use Picasa

Trying to be thankful....

Well today my desire to be thankful is being tried by the daemons of home ownership. I am entering Thanksgiving long weekend with no furnace which by extension means no heat and no hot water. I am supposed to have my in laws in for a big turkey dinner and my house needs cleaning. I am so frustrated. I told Gil that I thought we should cancel dinner and he didn't. Which means on top of everything I have to try and do it all with NO HEAT AND NO HOT WATER!

Yeah I had a big thing plan about being thankful for Friday. but right now I am just too cranky. Maybe I will try again latter.

stink.
stank.
stunk.

Day 4 of thankfulness

Freedom!

I am a Liberal voting, quasi Catholic, pro choice, university educated female. I write this blog and I can pretty much say anything I want. I might irritate you but no one is going to come knocking on my door, steal my laptop or throw me in prison. If I did get in trouble with the law I know that I have the RIGHT to a fair and expedient trial. I have clean drinking that comes right from my tape, but my life is so decadent that I also have water that comes cold and perfect from a cooler.

I can walk down the street unescorted, wearing whatever I please. I associate with whom I please. I also come and go as I please, and although I choose to be accountable to my husband, I don’t fear for my well being if I don’t ask his permission to leave the house or if I decide to have coffee with a male friend.

When I am sick I walk into a doctor’s office and I never worry if that means we can’t pay a bill that month.

I have all these things because I live in a free and just country. I am extremely thankful to be Canadian.