Monday, April 26, 2010

Oh holy hell! I did the 20 min. Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and I feel like death not even warmed over. I hurt everywhere! I think that if I can keep with it it might get better. But I need to find a way to actually stick with it. That is my weakness. I am not a stick with it kind of gal. And I want to be. I want to stick with WW. I want to stick with being active.  I really do, but I also like to be lazy and eat bad food and not hurt all over the place. I need to learn to stick with it. I need to develop will power! I WANT THIS!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

LuLu and I are sitting on the deck enjoying the sunshine and I can hardly see my computer screen but I am so happy to be outside it doesn't seem to matter. I love good sunny weather, not too hot, not too cold... Today is perfect weather. I would be okay if every day were like this. LuLu seems happy too, Oliver on the other hand was not too keen to join us on the deck. Maybe if I brought hus crate out.

Anyway what I really wanted to say was that I weighed in today at weight watchers and despite a very questionable points week I still managed to shed five pounds! Needless to say I am feeling much better. I have a long way to go but I am five pounds closer then I was last week.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

So our house is under assault by John Deere and his friends. Naturally I am in full on spaz mode. I know n 5 years I won't even notice it. But right now the mess if killing me.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

So today I went back to Weight Watchers. I stepped on the scale and almost died. I am not going to tell you the number just yet, I am not ready for that kind of disclosure but it was big and I was heart broken. I need to loose some of this weight. I HAVE to do this. For me. For my health both mental and physical. I don't think it will be a stroll through the park. I know that I am facing some serious challenges in the coming days, weeks and months but I HAVE to do this.               
And I have to talk about it. Sorry folks but that is the kind of girl I am. I am going to talk about points, foods, poops, scales, hopes, fears... the whole god awful messy things because that is how I process, that is how I make things work.
Today I was told that I should write down 5 ways with dealing with my feelings WITHOUT food. Man that is hard because food is a part of EVERYTHING. The celebrations, the mourning, the stress, the PMS, the relaxing... all of it we do in this house by eating and so I don't really know how to deal with my feeling without food but I can give some ideas and hope that I can put them into practice.
1. Blog... well d'uh! I guess that I have been doing this one a while. Since my last good trip through WW actually. I need to do it more often. I am busy typing I am probably too busy to be belt feeding.
2. Cleaning. When my house is clean and organized my life feels more clean and organized and that makes me what to have a clean and organized body. Plus if my kitchen is clean then I don't have as many excuses to be eating fast food.
3. Walk. I always feel so good after I walk. The dogs totally need it. It is win win
4. Talk to people. I have a tendency to withdraw into this Meggy&Gilly world and not be social with other people. If I can be social and NOT turn it into a huge meal then that would be good I can try to walk and talk at the same time, that would be win-win-win!
5. Scrapbook. Such an amazing distraction, so much fun and I don't get boredom hungry when I am doing it.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Well this week has been so many kinds of suck I can't even begin to categorize. Right now I am cranky and cold and sitting in A&J's basement.. being cranky. Yeah... did I mention I am cranky? 'Cause I am. Cranky. Really Cranky.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh I am very tired tonight but I made a commitment so here I am. It was a rough evening both dogs were in prime form and I am a single parent at the moment because Gil is in Boston on business. LuLu was into everything and peed on the floor and Oliver had a massive break down when we tried to go on a walk with two VERY vocal doggy pals. In the end I had to take him back home and walk without him.That makes me sad. Thank goodness I had Sara here to help me out a bit (a lot) because I don't think I could have done it without her. I am not looking forward to tomorrow morning, I have to get up an hour early to get everyone fed and walked because I have to take the dreaded PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Damn bus. Did you know it now costs $2.25 to take the bus?!! Why back in my day....
Anyway today I made a meal plan for the week working basically with what I already have in the house, that is good. When I am back at WW meal planning is going to be what keeps me sane. I have started to tell people that I plan on going back, I feel like that way I am more apt to do it because I won't want to tell everyone that I quit. I care WAY too much about what other people think but in this case that might not be a bad thing.
I want my life to have some order, some balance. I don't want to be one of those people who never has fun, who can't eat a meal with out stressing out but I also don't want to be a mindless eating machine. I feel like a foreigner in my own body.It is such a terrible feeling. This fat, it isn't me. I am still skinny when I dream at night.
I need to get my house back in order too. Small steps but chewy Miss LuLu is helping me get my ass in gear there. I have to make sure everything is out of her chew range and that there is nothing tempting left on the counter so I HAVE to clean up after myself. That is a good thing. I have started making small, manageable lists that leave time for a social life and dog walking. I know my house is never going to be perfect but I can try right?
Speaking of my annoying pets, the cats are coping in their own unique ways. Tikka is hissing and spitting at everything that crosses her path, myself included and Mango just tried to climb the curtains in the bedroom. FUN! I guess I can't really blame them, they were both just adjusting to one dog and now they have two to terrorize. Poor Oliver is terrified of them and LuLu just wants someone to play with.
I hope the weather continues to be this lovely so I can add some yard chores to my to do list. I have been trying to get my nephew to do yard work to pay back some of the money he owes us but he is really not very good at the yard stuff. I have been trying to get the leaves raked for weeks now and he keeps telling me that it is done while I am looking around at piles of leaves. Oh well the kid is 13, what the hell does he know. I am not going to bother too much with the front yard as it will be dug up later next week. YAY for damaged sewer lines. I only hope I can save my Day lilly bed. it is really this only thing on that side of the yard I really care about. They can have the Zebra grass, that stuff is a pain in the ass.
I will take some picture to share with you when they are digging it up.
Anyway I am kind of just blathering now because I am so tired. Bed time!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Well I could give you some lame excuse about how busy I have been, about the floods and the basement reno and adding a SECOND dog to our ever expanding family but the truth of the matter is I have just been lazy. All those things are TOTALLY blog worthy but I haven't taken the time to sit down and write so my project for this week it to try and give myself 15-30 mins. a night to sit down and actually connect here. Having said that I have run out of things to say. JUST KIDDING. So yeah ....
Let's start with LuLu 'cause she is so dang cool. We have had her 4 days now and she has turned our whole lives, not to mention our house, up side down. She is a total rock star. And not some twinky think at the back playing tambourine, no she is the ass kicking, bass playing, bitchin' singer Rock Star. All wrapped up in a pretty, tiny (relatively speaking) red brindle package. She is very very social, she LOVES to play, she is very high energy since she is basically still a puppy, she won't be two until the end of May. She chews things. Lots of things....like shoes... and slippers... and dish towels. She is very very curious about what is on the counter so I have to get much better about cleaning up after myself as Oliver is so relaxed that I have become complacent. Speaking of Oliver, he loves her 99% of the time, he gets annoyed when she starts stealing his toys or trying to hang out in his crib with him but the rest of the time he thinks she is great. Also his anxiety level seems to have really come down with her around. He had all but stopped going for walks or leaving the yard because he gets paralyzed by fear but when she is with him he is just go-go-go. Today we took them to a fenced in ball field and let them run together and they had so much fun. He has been pretty much asleep the rest of the day. It was a busy weekend for him as we celebrated his 4th birthday on Saturday evening with a puppy party with a bunch of his doggy pals and doggy cake from Three Dog Bakery. It was so much fun. The house was full of dogs. The cats of course are totally traumatized but they will adjust, they always do. We hadn't intended on getting LuLu so soon, we knew we eventually wanted a second dog and we were told it would be good for Oliver to have a buddy but we thought we would wait until we had more time, more energy, a fenced in yard... you know all the stuff you wait for. But we took Oliver to play at GPAC for his birthday and somehow ended up leaving with a dog. The timing really isn't great but she is so what can we do? She is truly a keeper and she is ours now!
She has also made me realize something else. I have really let myself go. I am not tearing myself down or anything but the truth is I have stopped trying to take good care of myself and I need to get back. My back isn't healing because I am way too over weight and I am carrying too much weight for my back to handle. I am uncomfortable ALL the time. I need to make some positive changes. I need to be able to walk my dogs for more then 10 minutes without wanting to die. So I am heading back to Weight Watchers. I had great success with it before we got married. I came REALLY close to my goal and then did a total nose dive. I don't want to set any unrealistic goals. I just want to be healthy, I don't want to shorten my life by doing things I can prevent. Does that make sense? I am also going to start taking some pride in how I look. Get a hair cut, get some new clothes that aren't all ratty. Start shaving my legs more then once a month! LOL. My husband will likely think I am having an affair but I have to start putting some value into how I feel about me or what is the damn point? I mean I practically live in sweats and pony tails because that is all that is comfortable any more. I am not an ugly girl, I have have to start treating myself better. YEAH! SO THERE!
Now I have to get going, I have dogs who need to poop and cats who need to scream at me a bit more about how I have ruined their lives. It is almost like I have teenagers. Be back tomorrow, same Battime, same Batplace.