Oh dear god!

I don't know how it happened but we are moving in 2 days!! I mean where did the month go?
We went this afternoon to pick up pur keys and have look around the place with the land lord and I took a few pictures.
My beautiful double sink that I am SO in love with.









The amazing staircase


The next three pictures are of the closet in the master bedroom which is so huge you could probably play touch football in it.I am so excited. I just want to get in there and have it over with so I can say it is OURS!

However back on the job front I have made a decision. I am going with the very respectable, boring job. Monday to Friday 9-5 is just too good to turn down. I just had to go with the one that seemed more responsible. I am not a little girl any more and I can't do things just because they seem fun. This is something that I have struggled with for a long time, doing what is smart and responsible versus what is fun for me. I have in the past almost always gone with what would please me in the short term even if my gut told me it was wrong, that I would pay for that later. I have been working on changing that lately. Paying bills as soon as they come in even though it means being broke, rather then spending money on foolish things that make me happy for a moment. I hate living with that fear that my wrong actions will eventually catch up with me because they always do. I am almost 31 years old and it is time to start to live more authentically.
well enough of that introspection. Time to get ready to shopping with big brother.

Ahh... the quest for work continues.

Wow what a day it has been so far. It is only 3pm and I have already had 2 job intrviews today. So right now I am sitting here at Sweet Baboo's office trying to get some perspective.

Job interview # 1 was for a loss pervention office. The interview went REALLY well and I was offered a job at the end. It pays a little more and the work is certainly more interesting. Busting bad guys and played secret agent Meggy sounds like a great deal of fun. The down side of it is that it is still retail hours so I would be back to working evenings and weekends. I hate working evenings and weekends.

Job interview # 2 was for a sales postion with a company that sells paper. The interview did not go TERRIBLY however there was no offer on the table when I left and the man did stare at my breasts the WHOLE time and by the end I was getting close to beating him. It pays slightly less but the office is only about 2 blocks from Sweet Boboo's office so we could car pool every day with no skin off his back. Also it is a Monday-Friday 8:30-4:30 gig which means NO weekends and no evenings. That is a big bonus. It is however a job selling paper, on the phone. I am searching really hard but I can't find anything too fun or exciting about that.

I seriously don't know what to do. Job interview # 1 said I should give them a call in the morning and let them know and I could start as soon as Monday. But job # 2 is more grown up.

WHAT TO DO???

Moving sucks SO bad!

Serioulsy need I say more? I can't live like this! I mean I know it is only 4 more days but GOD! I am going crazy. My tummy is just freaking out and I can't sleep. Damn I can't wait until this all over. Anyway I have to go, I have to freak out in another room.

If you prick my finger will I not bleed... TEA!

Tea is my drug of choice and these days I have been hittng the kettle strong. Tea is supposed to one of those claming things that helps you through the stressful moments. That is why the minute something bad happens some one usually says "I'll put the tea on." It is funny but my love of tea did not begin in my mothers kitchen although I do always remember there being a pot of tea on the stove at my Auntie Barb's house in Cape Breton. And while I did drink tea in London that is not where true love was fostered, in my heart or tea cup. I don't know where the love tea actually fully bloomed, I have a feeling that it happened around the table in Shubenacadie with Mom and Elizabeth.
Why am I talking about tea? I have no idea, I am having a mental day. I am ranting about tea to avoid doing what I really have to do which is clean and pack. GOD! why do we have so much stuff? I just need to DO IT but I don't wanna.
Oh the shower curtain...










Isn't it beautiful??? I can't wait to decorate, that is so much better then packing. But I guess I better get back to it.

Sunday Afternoon.

Well here we are, ten days until the end of the month. Our apartment looks like a storage facility, you can not move with out bumping into something cardboard. Frustration around the house is on the high end of the threshold. Yesterday basically turned into a boohoo fest which I have to say was fun for no one. But today is a little better; Sweet Baboo slept until 3pm 'cause he was up until almost 7am (I swear I am thinking of hiding that video game.) but I got a few more boxes packed and some dishes done. I feel a lot less stressed then I have for the past few days. I got more sleep then usual last night as I turned in pretty early, Sweet Baboo dealt with the 4am putting out of the cat and I got the whole bed for pretty much the whole night. As far as packing goes I am at the sticky part where I have to decide "will we use this in the next ten days?" if not it goes in a box, but sometimes it is hard to tell. On another moving note of insanity Sweet Baboo still has no idea when he is heading to PEI on business. It is starting to make me totally insane. I am angry just typing about it. It is NOT his fault and I am not upset at him at all. It is the project leader who makes Jessica Simpson look like a freaking rocket scientist. He has no clue what is going on and therefore the whole team is stuck in this GD limbo. Normally it is just a bit of a pain in the ass getting a call from Sweet Baboo saying that he is leaving to go away to (insert province of choice here) in 3 hours however this time I am trying to work around moving our whole lives and I would like to know if my main support system, Sweet Baboo, is going to be around to keep me sane. Also if I am only given a few hours to pack for him to leave for 1-2 weeks my head might implode. Also I don't want to sleep in the new house by myself the first night. The house will have noises I am not used to, I will be totally freaked out. Now here I am totally freaking out! Damn it! Someone needs to kick Project Manager in the ass and I think I should be the one that gets to do it.
Okay I have ranted enough, now let me say something positive...
1. My older brother Mike has been so cool about this moving thing. He has really been so helpful. He is going to drive the truck and help with all the icky lifting and carrying. Right now I feel like he is pretty much running this show and for that I am SO greatful.
2. This same big brother is buying me (us) new bathroom accessories for our Christmas present (we are getting it early). So yesterday Sweet Baboo took me out shopping to look at bathroom stuff. I am going with pink because I LOVE pink and there is pink tile in the new shower and I batted my eyes until Sweet Baboo said he did not care. I saw lots of stuff I did not like, too little girl or too old lady but I did find one that I REALLY loved. I will post the picture I took of it later. I have to look in a few more spots just to make sure it is 100% the one I want, but I am already so in love with it I am sure it will be mine.
Well I think that is enough for now. I am going to go explore around Sweet Baboo's office, which is where I am now getting a change of scenery.
Later!

More Jann

Ahh you can read all about her awsomness here. And you can read her beautiful words of wisdom here.
Okay I am done now, I swear.

"...I could still eat that."

Oh MAN, that was so AWSOME! I mean AWSOME!! I need that night so badly. By the time we left to go I was tired and cranky and just wanted to go and get it over with. And we got there and I wasn't feeling much better. We sat in our seats, which were amazing, and got settled in and I was kind of thinking I wish the opening act would just hurry up so we could get to Jann. However when the guy (Bob K???) came out he was so cool. He made me laugh so hard. so I was starting to really chill and relax and in walked .... Barbie and Skipper! Barbie and Skipper sat down next to me about half way through Bob's set. Then they told us we were sitting in their seats. Aimee assured them that we were not. They seemed to think we were mistaken. Aimee said "what row are you in?" they check their tickets and say they are in the second row. well JESUS clearly this is the first row, there is ten feet of leg room in front of me. Aimee advises them the the second row is BEHIND us. Then Aimee snarked, just out of earshot, that it doen't take a genius to COUNT the rows. I laughed so hard I almost peed. If only it had ended there but of course it didn't. Barbie and Skipper sat down behind us every time Barbie crossed her legs she kicked Aimee in the ass. During the break between Bob and Jann Barbie and Skipper went to chat with some friends. They came back when Jann had already started, how annoying. They took their seat right behind Aimee and I then started to .... TALK! LOUDLY! They were sitting there running off at the mouth and nothing to do with the concert at top volume trying to talk to each other over the music. I was WILD. By the fourth song of Jann's set I was really mad, counting to ten under my breath and trying to ignore these two very rude women. But then one of my favorite songs came on (really they are all my favorite) and they just wouldn't shut the hell up so I turned around in my seat and yelled "I paid $60 to listen to HER not you two!!!" and I could feel Aimee shaking with laughter next to me. She says the man two down from her laughed so hard he had to take off his glass and wipe his eyes. I was still feeling a bit weird about it at the end of the show, I mean I am not the girl who stands up to people like tahe, but all my worries were put to rest when the lady who was sitting next to Aimee (wife of laughing man) shook my hand and THANKED ME! SHe said she was worried they were going to talk through the whole thing. It was very nice validation. As it happend Barbie and Skipper left about a half an hour early and clearly either were given their tickets or had more money then brains. Other then that the night was perfect. Jann was out of this world. That woman is SO talented. She made me laugh, she made me cry. It was so nice to be there with Aimee. The great thing about Jann is that every single song has a memory attached to it. Some Sweet Baboo, some the ex I don't hate, lots of Aimee and a WHOLE LOT of Shannon. It was weird there were moments when Austrailia felt SO far away and moments where I was sure that Shannon was in that empty seat next to me holding my hand. I miss her so much but I am so proud of what she is doing. Thank you Jann for that moment.
Well now I have to get back to doing something productive. We only have 12 days until moving day. Wheee watch Meggy go mental!

Jann Arden Day WHEEEEE!

Guess what I am doing tonight? If you read the title of this and still do not know then I suggest you turn around and walk away. If you ever so wisley surmised that I am going to see the beautiful, talented, AWSOME Jann Arden then give yourself a big shiny gold star. I am so excited, I have been looking forward to this for so long. I am so glad that Aimee and I are going together. She loves Jann as much or more then me. I wish Shannon could come to, I think Shannon might be single handedly responsible for my love of all things Jann. Dang I miss that girl! My total love of Jann even brought me here on my first day in Calgary back in the day. I think I still have this placemat in a shoe box somewhere.

So last night I learned to true danger of computers. Some people think it is that people spend too much time in fornt of them, that there is so much junk out there in cyber space that is corruptive , but all that is childs play! The TRUE danger comes when they are old and cranky and you are trying to throw them out and they ATTACK!

Now you can all see that I have not shaved my legs in too many days. Isn't Sweet Baboo a lucky man? It hurt so much when it happend but I was very brave and didn't call Sweet Baboo and make him come home to take care of me. (It really wasn't that bad.)

Well I am off to do some more packing before I go for my night on the town. I will tell you all about it tomorrow.

The Day My Body Gave Up On Sleep and Other Funny Tales

Picture this, the hour is 7:30 am, I have been asleep for a grand total of 5 hours, the cat has decided to be merciful and opted not to wake me for any nonsense, the bed is so comfortable I could sleep all day. But then comes 7:31 am! My eyes pop open, I lie there in shock, I have been betrayed some the one person I think I can trust.... my body is not tired and wants to get up, worse still my brain agrees to go through with it. I had better put the tea on, we are in for a long day. I can't really get too mad at poor brain, she is SOO overwhelmed with all the things that get done in the next 15 days. But body, OH BODY how could you!?
Now I have to get ready to make this house look half decent because there is yet another tour group coming through today. I thought it was hard to keep this place looking ship shape BEFORE we started to move but with boxes and packing supplies and cleaning stuff everywhere it looks like U-Haul blew up in here. Worse , todays tour group includes the building inspector and I know he will be looking in every nook and cranny. Man I can't wait for this move to be over. I love our new place but I always find this process so unsettling. I always turn into a raging spaz during the moving process. You would think that I could be more calm about the whole affair since I have done in SOOO many times but there is jsut something about moving that sets my inner freak off and running.
So today is eye doctor day. I confess to you hear and now I do not like the eye doctor. They get WAY too close to my face, I hate anything close to my face. ASk Sweet Baboo, from time to time he gets a good swift lesson upside the head about how I don't like things in my face. However I KNOW I need new glasses (glasses? new glasses? when the hell does she ever where her old glasses?) I do infact have glasses and I have a few pictures hidden in the bowels of hell to back that up, but I HATE me current glasses ( I was talked out of buying the ones I really wanted) and the perscription is so old I think that they do more harm then good. The only reason I am at all excited to go to the eye doctor is because Sweet Baboo is going too and he has been walking around in broken specs for WAY too long. Years! If ever there was a person who deserved new eye wear it is him. It will be so nice for him not to have to worry about his glasses all the time. I wish I could give him everything that he deserves, and the best of everything too. But I can't, I don't even know how we are going to afford Christmas this year but we will find away we always do.
I just read the most terrible new artticle about the worst case of bullying I have heard of. It makes me sick to my stomache. http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/2005/11/14/toronto-school-051114.html

Well I gotta get going, I have to try and get SOMETHING doen this morning and my lovely BEAUTIFUL sister is coming over to help me. More about the stinking eye doctor later.

Home Again

What a great trip to see the family. It was nice and quiet! No computer, no phone just us and some books. We were SOOO well fed. Sweet Baboo's dad is an amazing cook, he makes the best breakfast ever and one of the many Aunties made us a beautiful turkey dinner. It was so yummy. Now I am getting back to business packing and cleaning. I actually have nothing interesting to say so I am going to do dishes.

In laws and out laws

Well Sweet Baboo is still asleep 'cause he was up until about 6am playing his new video game (that man is such an addict!) so I thought I would just pop on and say Hi before we pop off to see the In Laws and Out Laws. I can't wait to get away for a few days, I love the quiet up at the Cap. No cat waking me up at 4am, no hamster chewing on the cage. Most of all no 2 year old screaming like a mad man right above my head. I just need a moment of R&R before I get into flull blown packing mode. I have a couple of boxes done but I am going to have to start going at it full force soon, we have less then three weeks now and Sweet Baboo is going to be gone for a portion of that time (about a week) because he has to travel for work. It is funny last year when he went away to BC it totally freaked me out, I really hated being alone but he has travelled so much this year that it doesn't bother me anymore. I know for the most part he will only gone for a week and it goes so fast. Frankly I would rather he go before we move because I am used to this house and the noises it makes, I know the first little while in a new place I will be jumpy 'cause of the new sounds and stuff.
Well time to go and pack. have a good long weekend.

November 10th, lease signing day...amounst other things.

Yup Novemeber 10th again. How does that happen so fast? I am putting all my energy into NOT feeling sad because I feel like I had used up my sad quota. I feel a bit like people have grown impatient with my sadness, but seriously how can I NOT be sad? She died, I can't change that. It changed the person I am. It made me a somewhat sad person. No I don't think she would liek it if I lived my my life sad and mourning all the time, but this is not all the time, this is the day she died. Maybe if it were sunny and warm I would be able to walk out there and hold my head up and feel rejuvinated. But the leaves fell off the trees over night, it is pouring rain, dark in the middle of the day woth a a find so feirce and cold you think it might do permanant damage. It feel like the whole world knows what a sad day it is and wants to mourn with me.
A few years ago someone who I considered to be a friend said to me "It has been so many years, aren't you over this yet?" The cheek! This woman has both parents still living, she talks to her mom every single day on the phone, they see each other almost eveyday and she considers her mother one of her best friends. She has it so good, she has no idea. I know she would be totally devistated if she lost her mom, and I would never, ever wish that on her no matter how insensitive she is. Anyway it made me mad. No one would ever say that kind of crap to a person who lost someone in 9/11 what is different about losing someone you love to anything else? But I also don't want to dwell on it.
I have lots of wonderful positive people in my life who care what and how I feel and understand that today will always be a day of grief for me. I have Sweet Baboo who is AMAZING, and Elizabeth and Shannon and a bunch of other people who are so awsome. Plus I have so much to be thankful for today. First of all we are signing the lease for the townhouse today. YAY!
Well I just got a call from Pam saying there is another tour group coming through here in about an hour so I have to go to a quick clean.. ARG!

Aloha November.

Okay so I spent one full week away from here, long enough to get my head around some of the stuff that has been going on in my life but now I need to purge. I give you plenty of advanced warning that some of the things I have to say are dark ugly things, sad and powerful but they are stuck inside me and have to come out, life happens and we can't run away from that.
conversely some of the stuff I have to say is very happy and awesome and good. This is not the blog of a chronically morbid girl/woman and yes good things DO happen to me.

Okay sad first, let the flood gates open. They say bad things come in threes and in my life I have found for what ever reason that tends to be true. November kind of snuck up on me this year and when it hit it was with a bang, three things right out of the gate that just sucked the breath out of my chest.
The first was that an old friend of mine, who I admittedly have not seen in rather a long time, was mugged on his way home from work in a very very dodgy area of North Dartmouth. Not content to just mug Jamie, the evil fucks beat him into unconsciousness with a rock. He has been in the hospital since, he has had surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain. The doctors say he will be okay but I wonder how anyone recovers emotionally/spiritually from that kind of vicious, senseless violence. Many years ago Paul and I were accosted on Barrington street and while I received only an few punches to the face Paul was beaten rather more violently. Neither of us were hurt badly, certainly nothing like what Jamie has endured and it still left a deep indelible mark on our psyche's. My heart truly goes out to Jamie and to his family.
The second thing that happened was genuinely the most terrible. Shortly after midnight on November 1st I got a call from my Friend Wanda. Wanda knows that you can only call my house that late on a work night if it is REALLY important so I was worried as soon as I saw her name on the call minder but when I answered the phone I was really concerned because I had never heard Wanda so upset. Wanda is a very strong woman who has really been thrown her share of crap but has always faced adversity in a very stalwart manner hear her bawling on the phone struck fear deep in my heart. I was sure she was calling to tell me that something was terribly wrong with Toby. Toby is her amazing son (who will soon be my god son) who just turned one and has faced a lot of illness in his first year of life because he was born 13 weeks early. But when she could speak it wasn't Toby, it was even more shocking, it was Austin the 2 month old baby of our friends Karen and Sheldon. Sheldon is Wanda's very best friend and the two of them have been inseparable and since Sheldon is a stay at home dad they spend a lot of time raising their sons together. Those boys were going to be best friends. They were going to be dressed in the same clothes and joke about being twins. Austin was only two months old and as healthy as any parent could dream for. But there was an accident and now he is gone. I am not going to go into the details of what happened because I respect Karen and Sheldons privacy but I will say that it was a terrible accident and like most accidents it could have been avoided and at the same time it could have happened to anyone. I can't wrap my head around a healthy little baby dying, it just makes no sense to me and for that reason I could not go to the funeral, I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not but I just could not do it.
Which leads me to number 3. To understand number 3 you have to crawl into my brain for a moment, you have to understand how very much I loath and fear November, that one person I know had just been beaten into a coma and a perfectly healthy baby boy had just died for reasons God and I still haven't worked out the details about. My mind is in full blown crisis management mode. This is a place my mind is pretty comfortable with actually but that is neither here nor there. Two days after Austin died the phone rang and it was my sister bawling her eyes out. My sister calling me crying does not alarm me as much as Wanda, that is what sisters do, they call each other when they are tired, frustrated or had a huge fight with their S.O. My sister and I call each other crying on a regular basis. However as I said my brain was already in crisis management mode and my sisters crying had a slight, unfamiliar edge to it. She wanted to know if Sweet Baboo was home and since he was not since it was the middle of a work day she wanted to know could I please call him to come and get her. My sister VERY RARELY asks for this kind of favour so I am starting to panic a little. Then she tells me... She needs to go to the IWK (the children's hospital) there has been an accident and her oldest child, her only daughter, MY god daughter has been struck by a car while on a school outing. Everything stopped, the whole world just froze. Jamie was beat into a coma, Austin P. (as my sister also has an Austin who is alive and well thank God) was dead and I was SURE that the child I love so much some days I forget she is not mine was dead or critically injured. Elizabeth had no idea how bad it was we just had to get there ASAP. I called Sweet Baboo at work but I was crying too hard to understand what I was saying but he figured he should just come home. When I hung up the phone I lost it even more. I stood in the middle of my living room half dressed, screaming, totally unable to pull it together. Somehow my fingers managed to dial Wanda's number and she talked me down a little, in the very least she helped me get into a pair of jeans. When Sweet Baboo got here I met him in the driveway and he still didn't know just what had happened and I had started cry again so he could not understand what I was saying. I think the scariest moment was when he finally understood what I was say "Brianna was hit by a car." His manner didn't change at all he was totally cool and together but he went totally pale for a moment. Then he forced me to get it together. He told me that Elizabeth needed me to be strong and I HAD to stop crying before she got in the car. So I did... and so had she. The drive to hospital was SO long and quiet. But about 30 seconds after we walked through the Emergency Room doors I heard a smart ass teenager giving grief to a nurse and the world was all better. A saucy girl like that can't be hurt too badly. And thank god she wasn't, it was all soft tissue damage and despite her pain and the emotional weirdness of being hit by a car (while in the cross walk WITH the right of way) there is nothing wrong with her that some advil and time won't fix, she didn't even have to stay over in the hospital. I can't begin to tell you how hard I prayed and gave thanks to God that night.

Now some good news...yay good news!!

We got the sweetest new flat/townhouse!! It is so awesome, and I just knew we were meant to live there when we went to see it. Sweet Baboo told me not to get my hopes up, 'cause he is so practical. But In my heart I knew that place was ours. It is SO pretty and it is just the right size upgrade for us. I can't wait to go UPSTAIRS to go to bed. I can't wait to have house plants and a spare room/computer room. I can't wait to spread our legs out a little bit and be a little more comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I do love this place. We have had two very good years, happy years but we are ready grow a little, ready to not be able to touch the ceiling, ready to not hear every single noise from upstairs. And the new landlords are really awsome. We are so excited. It is going to be a BIG job to pack this whole place up and clean it to perfection in three weeks, but I know I can do it and I know I will have help. YAY us!
I am going to the new place on Thursday to take some measurement's and I will take some pictures to share. YAY!!