Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Too Long Gone...

Hey sorry about the long absence, life in Meggyland has been nothing short of chaos. Between Gil basically living in Toronto and trying to adjust to the new job while maintaining a social life I have just been bagged every day. I think about coming home and blogging but my energy is just gone. But tonight I feel like 10lbs of crap in a 5lb. bag and so I am just sitting here watching crap tv (downloaded) and catching up on emails, and now talking to you. Gil is in Toronto but will be home later tonight. I hate it when he is away when I am sick, I know that there is nothing he can do to make the cold go away but having him here makes me feel better. It is psychosomatic. Anyway, tonight I flake. Which gives me a chance to tell you that this past weekend I reached the height of my middle class dream. I got a deep freezer! Oh yeah baby, there is no stopping me now. I am actually really thrilled, don't let my sarcasm fool you. I genuinely feel triumphant. YAY us. Don't worry we aren't heading out for a mini-van anytime soon.
Work is great, I confess to frequent feelings of overwhelming panic but they are passing. I am so glad the guy I am replacing has been there with me holding my hand, metaphorically speaking. He is done after next week and then I have to swim in the deep end on my own and it is a bit scary to think about. I know I will get good at it eventually but my inner perfectionist can't stand that I am not great at this yet. But so far I haven't really lost it, I came really close to crying once. Just one time but I fought it.
The only issue that comes up repeatedly is a personal one, a demon I am going to have to stare down sooner or later in order to make working there a non-issue. every afternoon I work at the VG site, well at least Tuesday to Friday. I walk into that building with 1000 things on my mind, full of to do lists and notes to myself about all the things I need get done in the next 4 hours. But then there is a new thought. a thought that creeps in, stealthy, from the depth of my mind. I can't predict where or when but I know that it will come. It finds me and it grips me with stark terror and says "your mother died here. Right here, right in this very building. The last wall she saw were these ones. Her last breath was right here." So far I have stuffed it down hard and fast before it has a chance to really take hold. I stuff it down and keep counting, I stuff it down and bring someone change, I stuff it down run to the next task. But I know there is going to come a day when I try to stuff it and that compartment will be full to capacity. I am not looking forward to that day.
okay, enough heavy now. Off to feel icky in bed with some hot lemon and honey.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Update!

Okay it has been a while but in my defense I have been ungodly busy. I finished at Maxwell, THANK GOD! I feel much less like I have to censor every thing I say about that place now, so be prepared for a big long rant SOON. I have also started at the Hospitals. So far I am really liking it and although I am not all that good at my job yet I know I will be. It takes time to learn new things. I had a small crisis of faith on Friday when I was hot, tired and I could not figure out what I was doing but I got through it. I am looking forward to going back tomorrow so that is a good thing. Life is all manner of weird at the moment and I will try and touch more on that in the near future but for right now I just wanted to say that I think I made the right choice and that feels good.

Friday, March 06, 2009

wow....

I am having such a hard time concentrating today at work, knowing the end is so near. I don't want to call and talk to people. I don't want to answer the phone. My desk is all cleared out and clean, there is no real trace of me left in my veal feeding pen. I am ready to be done. I can't imagine how unbearable Monday and Tuesday will be.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Upon consulting the OED

After three days of getting up at 5:30 am here is how I feel.
beat, broken-down, burned out, collapsing, consumed, dead on one's feet, distressed, dog-tired, done for, done in, drained, drooping, droopy, drowsy, empty, enervated, exasperated, fagged, faint, fatigued, fed up, finished, flagging, haggard, irked, irritated, narcoleptic, overtaxed, overworked, petered out, played out, pooped, prostrated, run-down, sleepy, spent, stale, tuckered out, wasted, worn out.
I know I will get used to it but so far I am NOT loving it.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Day dreaming

I have a great idea for a new TV show based on a day dream I had the other day.I wish it could he an hour long drama however we all know that if it is even loosely based on my life it will be a half hour sitcom. It takes place in a hospital, which is a pretty popular setting for good shows, however based on my day dream about life will be like in my new job, the doctors and nurses will be purely secondary characters. The real stars of the show will be the rest of the hospital staff.Accountants, clerks, assistants, maintenance crew, retail staff etc.The lead actress would be a perky brunet who is funny and bright. (Think Sarah Rue on Less Then Perfect.) Each week viewers would be treated to 30 minutes of a knee slapping display of how these “little people” are the ones who truly keep the hospital running like a well oiled machine. The main character, let call her Maggie just for giggles, she would hold everyone together like glue. She would dispense wisdom and solve problems for loads of people.Nurses and Doctors would come to her for love life advice. Of course she would have a core group of friends who were always getting into scrapes or making some kind of mischief. Once and a while she would even have an encounter with a patient, with both positive and negative outcomes.
Oh yeah, I would totally watch this show!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Resetting the clock...

Okay so on of the nice perks about my current job is that Gil and I work just a few blocks from each other and fairly close our home which means that in the mornings I only have a 12 minute car ride, with my awesome hubby, which means to get to work on time I have to leave the house roughly at 8am. Yeah, I know, I am spoiled. HOWEVER my new job starts at 7am.... and is on the other side of the harbour which means I will need to be on the bus at roughly 6:15 am. Oh the inhumanity. In order to accomplish the superhuman feat I will have to be out of bed at 5:30 am. Since it seems like a terrible idea to do this on the very first day of work I have started my training schedule. Last week I started getting up at 6am and really wasn't so bad. Truth be told I even kind of liked it but I was pretty lazy about it. To step up my game as of today the alarm goes off at 5:30 and I have to do everyting that I would do in order to leave to house at 6:10. There were some glitches today. But that is good, that is part of the learning process. For example I did lay out my clothes last night but forgot to make sure I had all the pieces so I spent 5 minutes groping around in the dark bedroom looking for the bra I wanted while trying not to wake my slumbering husband. Also there is just some stuff that is going to have to get done the night before. My gym bag wasn't packed and neither was lunch. If I had to do those things today I would have been screwed or eating granola bars and skipping the gym.
On the other hand since I didn't really have to leave the house at 6:10, my dishes are washed, the laundry has been flipped and I tuned out on facebook for a while. I am pretty much ahead of the game. We shall see how I feel this evening but I am guessing it will be lights out pretty early for me.