Okay so it's not a very creative topic for my 200th blog post but this has been a VERY big year and I think it is important to take stock in order to move forward. I am not a big fan of New Years Eve. I find the pressure to have super fun is just crippling. I don't like getting shit faced drunk, I don't like staying up late. Anyway this is all by way of saying that I don't like New Years Eve, but I love New Years. I love the hope, I love the possibility. Really it is like the beginning of a relationship. But you can't move on to a new relationship until you have done a postmortem on the last one.
So 2008 was a year of great change for Clan Richard's Dartmouth Branch. We began the year amid the hormone induced horror that was Clomid. In retrospect I have no regrets about trying it and even less about not trying it longer. If something doesn't work for you there is no point in torturing yourself with it. If I had to do it all over the only thing I would change is the time of year that we did this. Winter is already so hard for me, I can't imagine what we were thinking to have added the Clomid in November of all months. But we did it and we survived.
Mid winter we decided that we needed to make a new plan, the clomid was not what was best for us, not for me as an individual and not for our marriage so we started to look more closely at adoption. It made sense, it seemed a much better fit for us. We went with it and haven't looked back. It has its trials and frustrations but it feels like the right thing for both of us. We like that.
Spring blew in like a lion and wrecked havoc in it's path. We remained intact but we had one friend who lost a husband in a car wreck and another lost her husband to an affair and it cast a dark shadow on all of us. Both these beautiful strong women are getting through day to day and I have the deepest respect for them.
Late spring and summer brought up home. We weren't looking to buy right away but this beautiful home landed in our laps and the timing could not have been more perfect.
Owning a home is not without challenges both financially and mentally but Gil and I are doing it and I think it has made our partnership that much stronger.
September was a mixed bag. I had a health scare which really had a deep impact on me mentally. I have been in a bit of a fog the last few months but it is starting to lift and I am starting to feel like my old self. September also brought us Mango. Our newest fur baby is a serious hand full but she is so sweet I can never stay mad at her.
In October my big brother came home from a long deployment which was a very happy time. We also got to have our second wedding anniversary and our first Thanksgiving and Halloween in the house.
The beginning of winter has had its share of winter blah's but I am keeping busy. Thinking about switching jobs. Thinking about going back to school. Working on projects around the house. We had our first Christmas here and we are pretty damned happy.
There has been a lot of change this year and I am not sad to see the end of 2008 but I am so happy to be where I am. I am living the good life.
Here is to 2009, may you be strong and healthy and happy.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Yay!
Well at long last we have some good news on the adoption front. Thank goodness. I have not been talking much about the adoption process because I have been trying not to dwell on it because it makes me a little crazy. We have been stuck for a number of weeks because they have been trying to locate MY file from children's aid. Why they need it to continue with our home study is a mystery to me but that is a rant for another time. At any rate it has been so slow. I have been really patient but persistent with my emails seeing where we are in the process. And today I got a late Christmas gift, early birthday present; an email from the social worker saying they have my file so we can proceed to the next step. With any luck a home study is our very near future. I am so excited I spent the day jumping out of my skin. It was a nice change of pace to be in a good mood all day.
Gil had some great news today too. But I have to wait a while before I share that. It is not my news to share and he is feeling squirly about it.
Gil had some great news today too. But I have to wait a while before I share that. It is not my news to share and he is feeling squirly about it.
Monday, December 29, 2008
And that is the kind of day it has been...
Hey there, hi there, ho there babes! Sorry I got eaten up by Christmas. Chewed up, swallowed and shat out the other side. I mean it was good, but you know how it is all busy and burn outty. Now I am laying here in bed with my kitty girls (Tikka is actually laying right across my left wrist which is making typing interesting). I am feeling pretty warm and cozy. The house is making its delightful creaking noises (which we ARE learning to sleep through) and the girls are purring their furry little hearts out. There are even clean sheets on the bed. All in all I feel pretty content at the moment which is nice 'cause I have had a shitty ass day. Starting mid afternoon yesterday I was pretty sure that I had picked up the stomach flu that my father in law had brought down with him on Christmas Day. I love that man dearly but I have NO idea what possessed his when he decided to drive the 4 hours down here from NB while suffering the gastro. No thank you, Christmas or no if I am that sick I want my own bed and my own toilet. Anyway yesterday I was pretty sure I had it. I was sweating and clammy and my stomach was doing some very unnatural things. This on top of the 38 days of menstrual hell left me a wreck on the sofa for most of the day. On top of the regular post holiday burn out this was just a mean ol' kick in the pants. Around 10 I took some Gravol and went to bed because I had to go to work today. How much does that suck? Anyway the Gravol seemed to do the trick and I even slept all the way through the night. In fact I slept great, I haven't slept that well in a long while. Which if of course why I woke to 'The Great Menstrual Crisis of '08'. Having successfully ruined a thousand dollar mattress I went down stairs to shower and get ready for work. I hate the morning. I really hate the first morning back after being off work for a few days. I hated this morning with a passion that burned like the heat of a thousand suns.
When I was ready I woke Gil. Gil was not ready to get out of bed either. I, being in a bad mood, was not really in a place to make getting up any easier for him. I told him to get his bitch ass out of bed, maybe not in so many words. I was unpleasant anyway. Thus began the snipping. The snipping lasted right up to the time we were walking out the door, now running late because I forgot to pack up the laptop (as well as several other things). The next part is a bit mixed up. As long as we are alive I don't think that Gil and I will ever agree on who is to blame (but it's not me) but it doesn't matter, the point is... Mango got out. Oh our adventurous little monster slipped right out through the storm door which had not been closed all the way. The little monster had no desire to be wrangled and I just stood there on the porch paralyzed by fury and frustration, having already thrown my keys and swearing loud enough for the neighbours to hear. (Go me!) I did eventually snap out of it, I caught the rotten little brat and tossed her back in the house. Gil and I got in the car in silence and angrily drove off to work. I was now running late. We had missed our regular traffic report. We didn't know what we were heading for. But after we hit the black ice and lost control of the car we pretty much figured it out. At this point Gil decided we needed some breakfast, coffee and bagels before someone got killed, it did not matter if I was a few minutes late for work. He pulled into the parking lot and I LOST IT. I cried so hard for a moment I wondered if I was going to stop. How could one morning be so shitty?
Gil went and got me tea and the rest of the day was pretty average from there but the tone had been set. I was having a bad day and nothing was going to shake it.
But as I said I am now in a cozy bed, the cats are being particularly cute, even that bad one who had me doing laps around the yard at 8am. So I am going to chalk this day up and a learning experience and start all over again tomorrow.
Good night everyone and be blessed. I sure am.
When I was ready I woke Gil. Gil was not ready to get out of bed either. I, being in a bad mood, was not really in a place to make getting up any easier for him. I told him to get his bitch ass out of bed, maybe not in so many words. I was unpleasant anyway. Thus began the snipping. The snipping lasted right up to the time we were walking out the door, now running late because I forgot to pack up the laptop (as well as several other things). The next part is a bit mixed up. As long as we are alive I don't think that Gil and I will ever agree on who is to blame (but it's not me) but it doesn't matter, the point is... Mango got out. Oh our adventurous little monster slipped right out through the storm door which had not been closed all the way. The little monster had no desire to be wrangled and I just stood there on the porch paralyzed by fury and frustration, having already thrown my keys and swearing loud enough for the neighbours to hear. (Go me!) I did eventually snap out of it, I caught the rotten little brat and tossed her back in the house. Gil and I got in the car in silence and angrily drove off to work. I was now running late. We had missed our regular traffic report. We didn't know what we were heading for. But after we hit the black ice and lost control of the car we pretty much figured it out. At this point Gil decided we needed some breakfast, coffee and bagels before someone got killed, it did not matter if I was a few minutes late for work. He pulled into the parking lot and I LOST IT. I cried so hard for a moment I wondered if I was going to stop. How could one morning be so shitty?
Gil went and got me tea and the rest of the day was pretty average from there but the tone had been set. I was having a bad day and nothing was going to shake it.
But as I said I am now in a cozy bed, the cats are being particularly cute, even that bad one who had me doing laps around the yard at 8am. So I am going to chalk this day up and a learning experience and start all over again tomorrow.
Good night everyone and be blessed. I sure am.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Love thy neighbour.....
Gil and I were having a great talk the other day about the meaning of the holidays and the basics of religion and her reminded me of the wise words of Bill and Ted... "Be excellent to each other!" And At the day isn't that what it is all about? And not just at Christmas time either. I mean how hard is it? Actually it can be hard, lets be honest, some people are hard to be nice to. But in general isn't important that we try... really hard? Isn't it important?
I was listening to CBC radio in the car on the way to work yesterday and there was a message left on their voice mail by a man who was responding to their annual food drive program (which was a great success btw) anyway this man was railing about donating food to the food bank saying that is was wrong, that in doing so people were letting the government get away with not doing it's job in taking care of the poor. Yes the government should help people but it can't be left solely in the hands of bureaucrats. Isn't it our job as humans to look after each other? Shouldn't it be the mandate of all human beings to take care of those in need? I bought 4 extra containers of honey last week because I wanted to bonus air miles! For goodness sake don't I owe it to the world to share some of my wealth? This is not to say that I am wealthy, but if I can afford to buy 4 jars of honey I can certainly spare one or two for someone else.
I do have more to say about this but at the moment I am all worked up so I am going to go relax and think about something nice. I'll be back.
I was listening to CBC radio in the car on the way to work yesterday and there was a message left on their voice mail by a man who was responding to their annual food drive program (which was a great success btw) anyway this man was railing about donating food to the food bank saying that is was wrong, that in doing so people were letting the government get away with not doing it's job in taking care of the poor. Yes the government should help people but it can't be left solely in the hands of bureaucrats. Isn't it our job as humans to look after each other? Shouldn't it be the mandate of all human beings to take care of those in need? I bought 4 extra containers of honey last week because I wanted to bonus air miles! For goodness sake don't I owe it to the world to share some of my wealth? This is not to say that I am wealthy, but if I can afford to buy 4 jars of honey I can certainly spare one or two for someone else.
I do have more to say about this but at the moment I am all worked up so I am going to go relax and think about something nice. I'll be back.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
How my husband tricked me into having the time of my life and doing a good deed all at the same time...
I have a secret. Promise not to tell? okay... I have a tendency to be a little over dramatic. Yup. It is true and that is not even the worst part.... I am also pretty selfish. It is gross but true. This combination of character traits contributed to a melt down of epic proportion last night. It had been a LONG week. It had already been a LONG day. I was tired. I was hungry (look out world) and the plans had been changed several times through the course of the day. The plan changing is my Achilles heel, it is my undoing every time. So the long and the short of it is I just lost my shit. My poor husband just didn't know what to do with his red faced, snotty nosed, bawling wife. So he told me to get dressed and he would take me for some food and we could spend some quality time together before he headed out for another night of do-gooderness (it is a word now!) manning the phone bank for Operation Red Nose. Reluctantly I agreed to be fed. (HA!) While we were at our friendly neighbourhood pub I was still blathering about not wanting to be left to fend for myself on a Saturday night when Gil started his tricky magic. He suggested I come with him for a little while, he just needed to stay until So and So arrived, then we could leave early. It likely wouldn't be long, then we could do something else...well the idea had merit but I felt guilty pulling him away from a commitment he had already made. Then he tells me about all the goodies that they have to eat there. Well that might peak my interest a little. Then he lays the big one on me.... They have a big screen TV and cable! Oh temptress thy name is TV! "Okay, I will go hang out with you for a while since it will only be for a very short time and they will be TV and munchies." My husband knows me WAY too well. So we get there and there are LOTS of volunteer drivers and navigators milling about waiting to be sent off into the cold and snowy night, but something is amiss. Shortly after Gil has given me the grand tour (this place is SWANK!) it becomes clear that they are in dire need of some help on the phones. Several people have not shown up for this job and it looked like just Gil and one other very lovely , very stressed out lady would be running the whole dispatch show, on one of the busiest nights of the year. Well that is not cool. I guess I could take a few calls. I mean, it is sort of what I do anyway. I am sure have guessed already how this ends. The night was mayhem. I spent most of the night on the phone with drunk people trying to interpret drunk speak into directions. I ended up staying there until well past 2am. I loved every friggin' moment of it. It was in fact one of the most fulfilling nights of my life. Thanks in part to me 87 people did not drink and drive last night. That makes my heart soar. Next time I hope it is more. Yup, I said next time. If they will have me I am heading back next weekend. 'Cause I have another secret that is no secret at all. I grew up with an alcoholic father and he liked to drink and drive... with me in the car. Thank god he never killed anyone but he could have so easily. I tried to stop him when I was a little girl but I was powerless. I know that most of the people who called us last night were not crazy drunks like my dad, I know most of them were good people who just wanted to have one more glass of wine. But if one person was saved last night because a drunk didn't get behind the wheel of a car then I have all my power back. I think my mother would be proud.
Oh by the way the big screen TV he lured me there with... I barely noticed it I was having so much fun. Thank you so much Gil. I love you.
Oh by the way the big screen TV he lured me there with... I barely noticed it I was having so much fun. Thank you so much Gil. I love you.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
These are a few of my favorite things.....
I know it is easy to get caught up in drama of the holiday season (and I am not talking about catching a rerun of Bad Santa or The Santa Clause). I know that the mall with its screaming children and pushy shoppers can be a nightmare. I know that twisting yourself up like a pretzel over what to get your second cousin Ed is the the farthest thing from fun you can imagine. I know, in all seriousness that laying awake at night wondering how you are going to make it through the holidays without re mortgaging your house can drive a person to the depths of despair.
However I am here to remind you (and myself) that there are so many marvelous things about the Christmas season.
I love pictures of little kids sitting on Santa's knee.
I friggin' adore Christmas lights. I am not kidding, I am nutty about them, every time I see them I squeal with glee.
I LOVE Christmas carols. I am not talking about some new fandangled Christmas Song that every Tom, Dick and Brittany is releasing... I mean Christmas Carols! The kind you sing at church. I love O Come All Ye Faithful, & O Little Town of Bethlehem. You wanna see me cry? Play me a great rendition of the First Noel. Although I confess I am pretty fond of some older Christmas songs such as White Christmas or I'll be home for Christmas. One year when I was 9 or 10 my brother Stephen re-wrote the words to White Christmas and to this day Purple Christmas has a deep and special place in my heart.
I love visiting with young Children on Christmas eve. I love watching them squirm with anticipation. I love watching them leave their treats for Santa and his entourage. I love watching them looking out the window trying to catch a peek of the big guy. I love how they go to bed so willingly to try and be good and you just know there is NO WAY they are going to sleep.
I am absolutely besotted with Nativity scenes/Crèche('s)/Mangers! I have been as long as I can remember. There is something about the scene that pulls on a cord very deep inside of me. However I issue you a note of warning. Woe to you who puts snow on the roof of your manger (unless it is outside and you can't help it)I will seriously take a fit it I see this. My poor Mother used to get so mortified when I was a wee lass and she would take me visiting over the holidays; if I saw a nativity bedecked in snow I would walk over and pluck it right off. I can remember the nativity we used growing up with perfect clarity. My brothers had hand painted all the figures (or clay lumps as the case may be) when they were very small. They were so funny looking. I loved them and wanted to keep them around all year. I also loved dressing up as the "Blessed Virgin Mary" and with my own baby doll recreating the scene for my Mother.
My own nativity now is a funny cardboard punch out nativity dating from the mid 1940's. I found it in an antique store a few years ago and it was in mint condition. I fixed that pretty quickly. Some day I am going to get a beautiful one. Or maybe my kids can hand paint one like my brothers did so many years ago.
I love Midnight mass. Not quite as much as I used to since it is no longer at midnight and that cheeses me off beyond all reason. Despite my faltering Catholicism of the past few years I still love Mass in general. There is something so comfortable and familiar about the service. But Midnight Mass... that is magical. Marking the beginning of Christmas day, the service is so joyous. Often priests who like to follow tradition closely open the service with these words from the Second Psalm: “The Lord said to me: You are my Son, this day I have begotten you”. That just gives me shivers!! I love it.
Well I have more to say about Christmas Eve but I think I will save that for another post.
For now I hope I gave you a smile and pause to think about what you love about Christmas. Feel free to share with me!
However I am here to remind you (and myself) that there are so many marvelous things about the Christmas season.
I love pictures of little kids sitting on Santa's knee.
I friggin' adore Christmas lights. I am not kidding, I am nutty about them, every time I see them I squeal with glee.
I LOVE Christmas carols. I am not talking about some new fandangled Christmas Song that every Tom, Dick and Brittany is releasing... I mean Christmas Carols! The kind you sing at church. I love O Come All Ye Faithful, & O Little Town of Bethlehem. You wanna see me cry? Play me a great rendition of the First Noel. Although I confess I am pretty fond of some older Christmas songs such as White Christmas or I'll be home for Christmas. One year when I was 9 or 10 my brother Stephen re-wrote the words to White Christmas and to this day Purple Christmas has a deep and special place in my heart.
I love visiting with young Children on Christmas eve. I love watching them squirm with anticipation. I love watching them leave their treats for Santa and his entourage. I love watching them looking out the window trying to catch a peek of the big guy. I love how they go to bed so willingly to try and be good and you just know there is NO WAY they are going to sleep.
I am absolutely besotted with Nativity scenes/Crèche('s)/Mangers! I have been as long as I can remember. There is something about the scene that pulls on a cord very deep inside of me. However I issue you a note of warning. Woe to you who puts snow on the roof of your manger (unless it is outside and you can't help it)I will seriously take a fit it I see this. My poor Mother used to get so mortified when I was a wee lass and she would take me visiting over the holidays; if I saw a nativity bedecked in snow I would walk over and pluck it right off. I can remember the nativity we used growing up with perfect clarity. My brothers had hand painted all the figures (or clay lumps as the case may be) when they were very small. They were so funny looking. I loved them and wanted to keep them around all year. I also loved dressing up as the "Blessed Virgin Mary" and with my own baby doll recreating the scene for my Mother.
My own nativity now is a funny cardboard punch out nativity dating from the mid 1940's. I found it in an antique store a few years ago and it was in mint condition. I fixed that pretty quickly. Some day I am going to get a beautiful one. Or maybe my kids can hand paint one like my brothers did so many years ago.
I love Midnight mass. Not quite as much as I used to since it is no longer at midnight and that cheeses me off beyond all reason. Despite my faltering Catholicism of the past few years I still love Mass in general. There is something so comfortable and familiar about the service. But Midnight Mass... that is magical. Marking the beginning of Christmas day, the service is so joyous. Often priests who like to follow tradition closely open the service with these words from the Second Psalm: “The Lord said to me: You are my Son, this day I have begotten you”. That just gives me shivers!! I love it.
Well I have more to say about Christmas Eve but I think I will save that for another post.
For now I hope I gave you a smile and pause to think about what you love about Christmas. Feel free to share with me!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Why we have a "fake" tree: expose on a marriage...
Okay... okay I confess!! We have an artificial Christmas tree. I swore I never would. I MOCKED those who did. I love real trees. I love, love, L.O.V.E. the smell. I love how they look. I love going to the tree lot and choosing the perfect one. I had to have a fake tree as a teenager because group homes can't have real ones, some crap about allergies and fire hazards. So I swore I would never do it in my house. And yet here we are going on our third Christmas with ol' fakey. Why? Why would I do this to myself, to Gil, to our friends and family? (oh yeah dramatic flare!)
I could quote you an article by the American Christmas Tree Association that says that there are many benefits to having an artificial tree including saving money, the lack of pine needles shed all over the house, free of maintenance hassle. I could say that it had something to do with the debate that fake tree's are better for the environment (but I am not convinced of that so it would be dumb of me to say) but none of those are the reason why year after year I gladly haul out fakey.
The truth of the matter is that I go through this yearly ritual because I value my marriage... a lot.
Gil and I are lovers not fighters. It is rare that we have a real tear up, rip roarin' fight. But without fail every year we would get the tree home and within half an hour all hell would break loose. Oh yeah we would have great fun going to the lot and wandering around, picking the perfect tree. It was always SO romantic, crisp and cold and full of possibility. But the first cracks always started when we were trying to wrestle the tree INTO the car. The drive home smoothed things over as we were giddy, drunk on Christmas joy. We would pull into the drive way and things were fine then we would go to wrestle the tree OUT of the car and the wheels would come off. Metaphorically of course. By the time the tree was in the stand and as close to standing up straight as we could manage one of us was always in tears (me) and one of us had managed to learn 42 new curse words (Gil). Hoho friggin' ho! The misery never lasted that long, it certainly never permanently ruined Christmas but it always left a terrible taste in my mouth. Metaphorically of course.
You see I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. And he was never so sweet that he would take a break from being an Angry Drunk for the holidays. Putting up the tree was often a trigger event that lead to a holiday full of Angry Drunk.
Gil is not an alcoholic, he certainly is never angry on the rare occasion that he actually drinks enough to be drunk HOWEVER I have had enough "tree putting up" drama/trauma to last a whole life time... and I had this opportunity to make sure I never had to endure it again. Gil would not have to endure it. And when we finally have children they would not have to endure it.
I am not sure why the task of getting the tree in the stand and standing it upright always turns in to a feat of Herculean effort. But I know that my family is not unique in this regard. While I am sure there are people out there who have the Disney experience but I think that they are the exception. Maybe going out and getting an artificial tree was a little extreme but I am telling you it was worth it. This year Gilly went down to the basement and pulled Ol' Fakey out of storage. It took about 3.5 minutes. When I had a moment between baking cookies I went in the living room and put the tree together. It took about 7 minutes. Over the last few days I have spent roughly 12 minutes fluffing the branches until they looked exactly like I wanted them to. (I also wanted to leave the tree for a few days to see how Miss Mango would react to it. SO far so good.)
Last night my Sweet Baboo asked me if I would like him to put the lights on the tree?! I gave him a big ol' kiss of gratitude and off he went. He did a perfect job too may I add. Sometime over the next few days I will throw on the decorations (probably between batches of cookies) and it will look beautiful 'cause let's face it there is really no such thing as an ugly Christmas tree. We will have managed to do the whole thing with out shedding one tear or uttering one profane word (until Mango knocks the tree over which you SO know is coming!)
Now if you will excuse me I am off to sniff my Christmas Tree scented candles.... Ahhh pine fresh!
I could quote you an article by the American Christmas Tree Association that says that there are many benefits to having an artificial tree including saving money, the lack of pine needles shed all over the house, free of maintenance hassle. I could say that it had something to do with the debate that fake tree's are better for the environment (but I am not convinced of that so it would be dumb of me to say) but none of those are the reason why year after year I gladly haul out fakey.
The truth of the matter is that I go through this yearly ritual because I value my marriage... a lot.
Gil and I are lovers not fighters. It is rare that we have a real tear up, rip roarin' fight. But without fail every year we would get the tree home and within half an hour all hell would break loose. Oh yeah we would have great fun going to the lot and wandering around, picking the perfect tree. It was always SO romantic, crisp and cold and full of possibility. But the first cracks always started when we were trying to wrestle the tree INTO the car. The drive home smoothed things over as we were giddy, drunk on Christmas joy. We would pull into the drive way and things were fine then we would go to wrestle the tree OUT of the car and the wheels would come off. Metaphorically of course. By the time the tree was in the stand and as close to standing up straight as we could manage one of us was always in tears (me) and one of us had managed to learn 42 new curse words (Gil). Hoho friggin' ho! The misery never lasted that long, it certainly never permanently ruined Christmas but it always left a terrible taste in my mouth. Metaphorically of course.
You see I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. And he was never so sweet that he would take a break from being an Angry Drunk for the holidays. Putting up the tree was often a trigger event that lead to a holiday full of Angry Drunk.
Gil is not an alcoholic, he certainly is never angry on the rare occasion that he actually drinks enough to be drunk HOWEVER I have had enough "tree putting up" drama/trauma to last a whole life time... and I had this opportunity to make sure I never had to endure it again. Gil would not have to endure it. And when we finally have children they would not have to endure it.
I am not sure why the task of getting the tree in the stand and standing it upright always turns in to a feat of Herculean effort. But I know that my family is not unique in this regard. While I am sure there are people out there who have the Disney experience but I think that they are the exception. Maybe going out and getting an artificial tree was a little extreme but I am telling you it was worth it. This year Gilly went down to the basement and pulled Ol' Fakey out of storage. It took about 3.5 minutes. When I had a moment between baking cookies I went in the living room and put the tree together. It took about 7 minutes. Over the last few days I have spent roughly 12 minutes fluffing the branches until they looked exactly like I wanted them to. (I also wanted to leave the tree for a few days to see how Miss Mango would react to it. SO far so good.)
Last night my Sweet Baboo asked me if I would like him to put the lights on the tree?! I gave him a big ol' kiss of gratitude and off he went. He did a perfect job too may I add. Sometime over the next few days I will throw on the decorations (probably between batches of cookies) and it will look beautiful 'cause let's face it there is really no such thing as an ugly Christmas tree. We will have managed to do the whole thing with out shedding one tear or uttering one profane word (until Mango knocks the tree over which you SO know is coming!)
Now if you will excuse me I am off to sniff my Christmas Tree scented candles.... Ahhh pine fresh!
Monday, December 08, 2008
The Anatomy of Neurosis: A Special Holiday Edition.
As a small child I was told all the same things at Christmas the rest of you were. Be good. Santa KNOWS if you are being bad. Santa has spies everywhere. Okay maybe you weren't told that Santa had spies everywhere. Obviously your older brothers were not as creative as mine.
My big brother Stephen also gleefully introduced me to the story of Black Peter who scared the livin' life right out of me. Actually I am going to digress on this one for a moment. There are two things I want to say here. The first is that there is no way that my brother knew that my deepest (imaginary) terror was "The Black and White Man" (This is something I will definitely come back to) and that his scary depiction of Black Peter only added fuel to that fire. Second of all I want to say that as an adult looking at Black Peter, the not even remotely subtle racial overtones gives me the shivers. However as a child I was not told he was a black man, African American, African anything, I was told he was a devil. My brother was not being a racist.
Anyway.... even more bizarre was the "relationship" I developed with Santa's elves. They didn't scare me per se, but I truly believed them to be watching from any and every where. I wasn't sure if they had invisiblity powers but that seemed to make the most sense. This had two major impacts on my young life. The first was that I got VERY good at changing my clothes while showing the absolute minimal amount of flesh. Second of all from approximately Remembrance Day to Christmas Eve my life became the Truman Show. Every window was treated like a reverse TV screen. There were secret invisible elves everywhere so I had to give them my best show. Of course I would forget sometimes and behave like the beastly little child I was. I fought with my brothers, had tantrums and kept a messy room. But as soon as I remembered or was reminded about the eyes/spies who were watching me.. BAM I was on; ever the little Starlette making my bed with a flair and fervour that was shocking.... or nauseating.
The real problem of course is that this is a habit (?) / behaviour has stayed with me all my life. Not all the time of course but once and a while the feeling creeps up on me and I am on. Almost exclusively when I am all by myself and at night, then I am surrounded by unseen cameras and I have to be the best me I can be. It is weird but not altogether unpleasant. I feel a little like a cross between a mentally deficient Martha Stewart and Ellen ('cause I dance) but all in all I am not sure if it is the healthiest way for me to live my life. I think it also contributes to my fear that an axe murderer is lurking in the bushes waiting for me to be home alone. Damn my over active imagination and damn those pointy eared spies
My big brother Stephen also gleefully introduced me to the story of Black Peter who scared the livin' life right out of me. Actually I am going to digress on this one for a moment. There are two things I want to say here. The first is that there is no way that my brother knew that my deepest (imaginary) terror was "The Black and White Man" (This is something I will definitely come back to) and that his scary depiction of Black Peter only added fuel to that fire. Second of all I want to say that as an adult looking at Black Peter, the not even remotely subtle racial overtones gives me the shivers. However as a child I was not told he was a black man, African American, African anything, I was told he was a devil. My brother was not being a racist.
Anyway.... even more bizarre was the "relationship" I developed with Santa's elves. They didn't scare me per se, but I truly believed them to be watching from any and every where. I wasn't sure if they had invisiblity powers but that seemed to make the most sense. This had two major impacts on my young life. The first was that I got VERY good at changing my clothes while showing the absolute minimal amount of flesh. Second of all from approximately Remembrance Day to Christmas Eve my life became the Truman Show. Every window was treated like a reverse TV screen. There were secret invisible elves everywhere so I had to give them my best show. Of course I would forget sometimes and behave like the beastly little child I was. I fought with my brothers, had tantrums and kept a messy room. But as soon as I remembered or was reminded about the eyes/spies who were watching me.. BAM I was on; ever the little Starlette making my bed with a flair and fervour that was shocking.... or nauseating.
The real problem of course is that this is a habit (?) / behaviour has stayed with me all my life. Not all the time of course but once and a while the feeling creeps up on me and I am on. Almost exclusively when I am all by myself and at night, then I am surrounded by unseen cameras and I have to be the best me I can be. It is weird but not altogether unpleasant. I feel a little like a cross between a mentally deficient Martha Stewart and Ellen ('cause I dance) but all in all I am not sure if it is the healthiest way for me to live my life. I think it also contributes to my fear that an axe murderer is lurking in the bushes waiting for me to be home alone. Damn my over active imagination and damn those pointy eared spies
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Some more Christmas pictures....
I am going to put up my tree today. But while it is still quiet in and warm and lovely in the house (and I am trying desperately to keep it that way while my Gilly get some much earned rest) I am going to give you some more Christmas pictures of me too look at. 'Cause I really am that vain.
Okay, clearly these pictures were all taken the same year and I would have to guess that it is also 1991 because I am wearing my "I got these cool stockings when I spent the summer in London" outfit. Actually I must say I was a pretty cool teenager, by this point I had really started to mellow out and find my own unique (?) style and vibe.
Shortly after these pictures were taken I met one of the coolest boys I ever dated. He was from Australia, he played guitar, he introduced me some awesome music which still ranks high in my
musical preferences. He was also pretty damn smart and funny, and he would only be in Canada until February so it had that sort of hurried, urgent romantic vibe that I think can only be enjoyed when you are under 25.
This is him playing his guitar on Christmas eve 1991, sitting in the chair is his AWESOME sister Marilyn, one of the coolest chicks I have ever met. The bum leading up to the red shirt is me, I am glad the picture was not of my face as I was probably drooling. and the crazy long hair and pink T-Shirt is Mona. Oh Mona I love you so. Some day I will have to dedicate a whole post to her, but she was my best friend in high school or at least the first two years.
You know come to think of it this is the same Christmas eve a certain unnamed staffer gave me Gravol to get to sleep. No wonder I was so excited. *drool*
I am going to ask Gil to hook up the scanner later on so I can grab some pictures of my actual childhood. We shall see how that turns out.
Okay, clearly these pictures were all taken the same year and I would have to guess that it is also 1991 because I am wearing my "I got these cool stockings when I spent the summer in London" outfit. Actually I must say I was a pretty cool teenager, by this point I had really started to mellow out and find my own unique (?) style and vibe.
Shortly after these pictures were taken I met one of the coolest boys I ever dated. He was from Australia, he played guitar, he introduced me some awesome music which still ranks high in my
musical preferences. He was also pretty damn smart and funny, and he would only be in Canada until February so it had that sort of hurried, urgent romantic vibe that I think can only be enjoyed when you are under 25.
This is him playing his guitar on Christmas eve 1991, sitting in the chair is his AWESOME sister Marilyn, one of the coolest chicks I have ever met. The bum leading up to the red shirt is me, I am glad the picture was not of my face as I was probably drooling. and the crazy long hair and pink T-Shirt is Mona. Oh Mona I love you so. Some day I will have to dedicate a whole post to her, but she was my best friend in high school or at least the first two years.You know come to think of it this is the same Christmas eve a certain unnamed staffer gave me Gravol to get to sleep. No wonder I was so excited. *drool*
I am going to ask Gil to hook up the scanner later on so I can grab some pictures of my actual childhood. We shall see how that turns out.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Humiliations Galor!
My body hates me. I am pretty sure that this is not an exaggeration. I haven't been all that kind to my body in my life so now it is out too seek revenge on me in any and every way possible. For the past two weeks I have been having this pseudo period. Just enough to ruin any fun plans that Gil and I might have... home... alone. (wink) But nothing .... you know... heavy. That is until I was at my staff Christmas party/dinner wedged at a table between my boss and a co-worker at which point unknown to me the taps turn on full force so when I stand up, jeans soaked though. Lovely. I am having all my bits taken out, that is it!
The never ending Saga of a girl who falls down....
Klutz
n. Slang.
klutzy klutz'y adj.
Also see Meghan Richard
Seriously though.. how many people do you know who can be standing on a perfect level floor, on both feet, and then fall over??? There is something wrong with me. Maybe I am wired in correctly. Go ahead and mock. I have it coming.
n. Slang.
- A clumsy person.
- A stupid person; a dolt.
[Yiddish klots, from Middle High German kloz, block, lump, from Old High German.]
klutziness klutz'i·ness n.klutzy klutz'y adj.
Also see Meghan Richard
Seriously though.. how many people do you know who can be standing on a perfect level floor, on both feet, and then fall over??? There is something wrong with me. Maybe I am wired in correctly. Go ahead and mock. I have it coming.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
The Ghost of Christmas Past....
Okay well Christmas always comes with it's fair share of memories and around this time I start waxing nostalgic for simpler times. I was going to talk about Christmas's of my childhood when I suddenly remembered they were kind of hard too. So I will save them for another day. Today I am in a great mood and I thought I would share some pictures of me clearly enjoying the holiday and being too cute to be true.
<---- This is me Christmas morning 1991! I was that excited because Santa brought me office stationery. God I love paper clips. This year I remember that I had a very hard time falling asleep because I was so excited for Christmas morning (I was pretty sure what I was getting as it was all I asked for, I am such a nerd!) Anyway it was pretty unusual for me to be so keyed up for the holiday and I just could not sleep so the staff member on shift that night (who will remain unnamed because that was the deal) gave me a Gravol to help me sleep. SO naughty and SO against the rules. As it happened I still only slept for 4 hours. Poor souls. But look at me, too cute!
I think that this --------->
might have been Christmas 1990, I am not 100% but I am sure that outfit RAWKED! I mean the skirt was denim, frilled and had that coverall thing going on! Well at least my hair is tamed back in a pony tail. But wait, look in the lower right hand corner! Someone
is trying to grab my bum!
<----- Well it is not the greatest picture ever but this is me and my sweetie Steve at the Christmas party 1992. See that sour look on my face? What a rotten kid. Maybe I had a sixth sense that just a few hours after this was taken I would be in a near fatal car accident. I was still wearing the same outfit and would never get to wear it again. I wasn't very happy that Christmas, I was in a LOT of pain for a long time. But looking back I know that there was an angle with me that night. Smile kiddo, other then a lingering sore back you are going to be ok!
Well I do have more and I will share them as Christmas gets closer but right now I have to go get some Christmas cards ready for the mail.
Hohoho!
<---- This is me Christmas morning 1991! I was that excited because Santa brought me office stationery. God I love paper clips. This year I remember that I had a very hard time falling asleep because I was so excited for Christmas morning (I was pretty sure what I was getting as it was all I asked for, I am such a nerd!) Anyway it was pretty unusual for me to be so keyed up for the holiday and I just could not sleep so the staff member on shift that night (who will remain unnamed because that was the deal) gave me a Gravol to help me sleep. SO naughty and SO against the rules. As it happened I still only slept for 4 hours. Poor souls. But look at me, too cute!
I think that this --------->
might have been Christmas 1990, I am not 100% but I am sure that outfit RAWKED! I mean the skirt was denim, frilled and had that coverall thing going on! Well at least my hair is tamed back in a pony tail. But wait, look in the lower right hand corner! Someone
is trying to grab my bum!<----- Well it is not the greatest picture ever but this is me and my sweetie Steve at the Christmas party 1992. See that sour look on my face? What a rotten kid. Maybe I had a sixth sense that just a few hours after this was taken I would be in a near fatal car accident. I was still wearing the same outfit and would never get to wear it again. I wasn't very happy that Christmas, I was in a LOT of pain for a long time. But looking back I know that there was an angle with me that night. Smile kiddo, other then a lingering sore back you are going to be ok!
Well I do have more and I will share them as Christmas gets closer but right now I have to go get some Christmas cards ready for the mail.
Hohoho!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
ARG!
Oh ... Misery thy name is pms. And if you had a taste it would be this....
Oh yeah we are just having that kinda of day here at the happy time ranch.
I am am sure you all care so much about my menstrual woes but can I just say that when combined with pre-Christmas stress, by regular round of winter blues and the fact that I am REALLY hating my job at the moment, I feel pretty much like I am standing on the edge of the depths of despair. (thank you so much Anne Shirley).
Logically of course I know this will pass. The pms will end, the kitchen will get clean, the mountain of laundry will some how get washed, dried fold and find it's way back into the dresser drawers. Christmas will come no matter how much I bury my head in the sand and it will be fine, it will be wonderful because it always is, because I live a charmed life and I land on my feet. But for some reason the part of my mind that KNOWS all this to be true has gone on strike. I am being rules by the illogical, immature, needy part of my brain that flat out refuses to believe that the days will eventually get longer, that some day we won't be so broke, that my real friends won't mind if the gifts this year are smaller and possibly homemade. This part of my brain wants to throw a tantrum, for some one else to "fix it" and to go to sleep until spring. I hate this version of me and want to do every thing in my power to put a muzzle on her.
I think the the thing that I worry about the most is also the most irrational... and that is that Gil is finally just going to get fed up with the rotten, unhappy negative me and walk away. Now he has never ever given me any reason to worry about this it consumes me. I mean I can hardly stand to live with me, how come he keeps staying. But thank god he does. He certainly makes everything so much better. As I speak he is down stairs doing laundry, YAY Gil. I am going to go and finish pairing the mountain of socks because nothing helps snap me out of a funk like crossing things off my to do list.
Peace my friends.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
In Love with Love.
Recently I have been obsessed with love stories. All manner of love stories; lovers, spouses, parents and children, human to human, any love at all. I don't know what started it. I mean I always like listening to stories about people in love. I love reading my own story of love and watching my wedding video. But something recently ignited in me and my apatite has become voracious. TV shows where a deep, passionate (sometimes dark and scary) love is the central theme have become my torrents of choice. Books are the same regardless of their literary credentials. Same goes for blogs and music. At the moment I am just hooked on love.I think that part of it is the rush you get. My good friend Trevor once told me that he thought I was addicted to that bio-chemical reaction that one experiences when they are first in love. I don't think he was wrong in his assessment of me. Of course at that time I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to know how good it feels when that initial rush passes and morphs into something new and different. I could not imagine anything that could feel better then falling in love. Boy was I wrong because falling in love has NOTHING on the warm, comfortable embrace of BEING in love, in a secure relationship. I know it sounds trite but it is true. And I will tell you why. For me, and I can't speak for anyone else, the RUSH of the falling is accompanied by something else, something much more sinister, it is a deep, DEEP, anxiety.
Falling in love means that the rug can be pulled out from underneath you at any moment. When you are falling in love you have to be on your best behavior ALL the time. One pms induced tear, one escaped fart in a moment of weakness, on single hair missed in the great shaving extravaganza and the whole thing could come crumbling down. When you are falling in love there are no wet towels on the bed, no toe nail clippings on the dresser. When you are falling in love you are the BEST you that you can be. It is so damn uncomfortable. I know I can put on a good face, I can look pretty and talk about interesting things... for about ten minutes. Then I am going to spill something on my shirt, fall up the stairs and fart. Probably all at the same time. The love stories that touch me the most are the ones that have been tested and survived. Like a Timex they have taken a lickin' and kept on tickin'. Today at lunch I saw a man who must have been 80 opening the car door for his sweetie and helping her in. That is the love that reduces me to tears. That is the love in the world I want to show my children. And I think that is the root of my recent unquenchable thirst for the big L is coming from. I keep seeing things that make me doubt people, doubt humanity and the inherent goodness for people. I need to be reminded that there is so much love out there in the world, just as there is within the wall of our home. Not everyone is pirate, a terrorist or a pedophile. Most people are decent and hard working and have a love story of their own to tell.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Hotel Review - The Westin Nova Scotia
Okay so every few months my girl friend Aimee and I like to get away from our men folk, check in to a hotel and act like girly fools. We order room service, swim in their pool, and treat ourselves like queens. It is a grand ol' time and we of course think we are worth it.
Two weekends ago we were booked into The Westin Nova Scotia. We booked this room more then two months ago and were REALLY looking forward to it. As it happened in between the time we made the booking and our date Aimee took a second job and ended up having to work on the Saturday, it certainly was not the end of the world but I think it was less enjoyable for both of us that Aimee couldn't be there until after 10pm. Aimee called the hotel to make sure that I could check in without her since the reservation was made on her card. They said it was fine and that check in started at 3pm.
So I started over on the bus around 2pm. It was not too bad really, it wasn't really raining yet and I didn't have to to wait to long for the connections. When I got there it was just about bang on 3pm. I was delighted of course when the doorman smiled at me and opened the door. Very nice touch. I love the decor of this place, walking in the lobby made me feel so posh. I went to the desk to register and was helped by a very nice (not hard on the eyes) young man. However I was very annoyed when he told me that our room would not be ready for an HOUR. An hour! The reason why we double checked the check in time was to avoid something like this.
Well all was not lost, I saw that they served Starbucks in their lounge and so I went over with Aimee's laptop and ordered myself a latte. Well let me tell you something. The sign says they serve Starbucks coffee and they have a little Starbucks sign but this is very misleading. The serve Starbucks coffee in the same way I can at home, you buy Starbucks brand coffee and brew it up. The girl who served me was snotty and the latte was just about one of the worst things I have ever tasted. She was no Starbucks Barista I can tell you that. Thank GOD for the wifi connection in the lounge of I would have been really pissed.
I passed an hour feeling a bit like a stranger in a strange land, it reminded me a wee bit of waiting in hostels or airports when I was younger but with the cynicism and fatigue of age.
At 4pm I went back up to the desk to inquire if our room was ready and the guy couldn't find one that was ready, until he looked up and saw the murderous glare in my eyes. Did I mention that this reservation was made TWO months ago? Well when the nice young man noticed I was getting pretty cross he magicked up a room.
I was looking forward to dropping into bed and sleeping for a while with no cats walking on my head. I figured Aimee and I would be up late gabbing so a nap would be a good idea.
I plugged the laptop into the internet provided in the room and was DISGUSTED to find that it was going to cost me $10.00 to get hooked up until check out the next day. $10!!! That is highway robbery! They have 310 rooms. If even half their guest use the internet hook up that is $1550 a DAY. How big is their Eastlink bill that they need to charge so much?
The room it's self was pretty.Good colours. Good use of the old architecture.
There were two good sized closets which would be great if you has stuff to hang. (Since I had such a tiny closet at the holiday in when Aimee and John got married this is something I now notice.)
One of the closets had a safe which I knew would tickle Aimee.
<--------
The beds had lovely linens, I am a fan of good linen. No scratchy wool blankets, no ugly 80's bedspread. This is a big bonus for me. I like pretty things.
Speaking of pretty, we were on the back side of the hotel so we had a pretty kick ass view of the harbour and Georges Island, or would have if the fog had not been so dense.
There was a nice flat screen tv which of course I loved since I am a TV junkie in detox.
There was also a beautiful writing/computer desk. It was so cool because there were all kinds of plugs and inputs built into the front of the desk.
I love mod-cons! On the dresser/entertainment unit were a couple of $5.00 bottles of water. I love going through drawers at hotels. I guess I am on the look out for things people left behind. I have never found anything interesting. But this time in my hunting I found something really fun....
I have never, in my memory, stayed in a hotel with a mini bar. I was trying to check it out, I mean I didn't really want a $20 bag of chips (okay I exaggerate a little) but I wanted to look. I turned the room upside down but I could not find the key. I certainly was not going to CALL down to have them send me a key so they could charge me $20 for a bag of chips. When Aimee arrived she did the whole thing over again and came to the same answer. So I hung out watching TV for a while (oh sweet TV I miss you so) then I realized I was hungry so I decided that rather then go out in the rain to Taj Mahal I would order in room service. I mean I have heard great things about the food here so I was pretty excited anyway. I should have braved the rain. While the food wasn't horrible it was certainly not good enough to warrant what I paid for a salad, burger, sweet potato fries and can of pop. The rest of the evening was split between the tv and drying off from the Christmas parade (that is a story for another day). The tub was nice, the water stayed hot and the bed was comfy. All good things. Then finally Aimee showed up. YAY!
She was flustered however because the whole parking lot for the hotel was full so she had to park, in the pouring rain, out on the street overnight and pray she did not get a ticket.
She ordered dinner and I got dessert. Mmm. Aimee's dinner was a lot better then mine so now I know they CAN cook and my dessert was good although not what I was told I was getting.
Aimee and I spent the rest of the night howling with laughter at the names of the dirty movies and trying to decide if it was worth it to spend $12 to watch a regular movie. In the end $12 was just too much for a movie that I can probably already get on DVD for less.
Eventually we decided it was time to bunk down. When the TV we was off we noticed the strangest thing. We could hear really loud music coming fro somewhere. We checked the hall, nothing. We looked out the windows towards Electropolis, nothing. In the end we determined that we were RIGHT above one of the hotel ball rooms and there was a wedding going on. A very loud wedding. Which o course as a wedding guest I would love but when I am trying to sleep. Not so much. However eventually Aimee stopped chatting and the music went away and I drifted off to sleep. I even had a half decent rest, right up until the sun came up. See we had closed all the drapes in the room to block out the morning light but there was no drape in the bathroom which ordinarily would not have been a big deal but in this case the bathroom door was not solid wood it was glass so that bright morning light just came shinning in. Aimee and I were both solidly pissed at this.
The natural, unstoppable light at 7:30am
<========= evil! Breakfast came shortly after 8:30 and again the food was ok but certainly nothing to write home about and surely not worth what we paid for it.
After breakfast we went down to the pool. It was bathtub warm and had cool art deco architecture but there was no deep end which I found weird. The hot tub seats were oddly arranged so that you were either too deep or much too high out of the water and the surface of the tub was FILTHY. I was too grossed out and decided I couldn't stay so we got out. But of course there were no towels left. Figures so we dripped all the way back up to the room praying that no one would see us. We had lots of time to kill before check out but we just weren't feeling the vibe so we decided to check out early and do some shopping. The final slap in the face came when Aimee went to settle the bill and she had to pay $1.00 for a local phone call. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I could not believe it. I was beyond grossed out at this blatant rip off.
The long and the short of it.... The Westin won't be on my list of places to stay in Halifax anytime soon! And that is sad for them because look how cool WE are!
Two weekends ago we were booked into The Westin Nova Scotia. We booked this room more then two months ago and were REALLY looking forward to it. As it happened in between the time we made the booking and our date Aimee took a second job and ended up having to work on the Saturday, it certainly was not the end of the world but I think it was less enjoyable for both of us that Aimee couldn't be there until after 10pm. Aimee called the hotel to make sure that I could check in without her since the reservation was made on her card. They said it was fine and that check in started at 3pm.
So I started over on the bus around 2pm. It was not too bad really, it wasn't really raining yet and I didn't have to to wait to long for the connections. When I got there it was just about bang on 3pm. I was delighted of course when the doorman smiled at me and opened the door. Very nice touch. I love the decor of this place, walking in the lobby made me feel so posh. I went to the desk to register and was helped by a very nice (not hard on the eyes) young man. However I was very annoyed when he told me that our room would not be ready for an HOUR. An hour! The reason why we double checked the check in time was to avoid something like this.
Well all was not lost, I saw that they served Starbucks in their lounge and so I went over with Aimee's laptop and ordered myself a latte. Well let me tell you something. The sign says they serve Starbucks coffee and they have a little Starbucks sign but this is very misleading. The serve Starbucks coffee in the same way I can at home, you buy Starbucks brand coffee and brew it up. The girl who served me was snotty and the latte was just about one of the worst things I have ever tasted. She was no Starbucks Barista I can tell you that. Thank GOD for the wifi connection in the lounge of I would have been really pissed.
I passed an hour feeling a bit like a stranger in a strange land, it reminded me a wee bit of waiting in hostels or airports when I was younger but with the cynicism and fatigue of age.
At 4pm I went back up to the desk to inquire if our room was ready and the guy couldn't find one that was ready, until he looked up and saw the murderous glare in my eyes. Did I mention that this reservation was made TWO months ago? Well when the nice young man noticed I was getting pretty cross he magicked up a room.
I was looking forward to dropping into bed and sleeping for a while with no cats walking on my head. I figured Aimee and I would be up late gabbing so a nap would be a good idea.
I plugged the laptop into the internet provided in the room and was DISGUSTED to find that it was going to cost me $10.00 to get hooked up until check out the next day. $10!!! That is highway robbery! They have 310 rooms. If even half their guest use the internet hook up that is $1550 a DAY. How big is their Eastlink bill that they need to charge so much?
The room it's self was pretty.Good colours. Good use of the old architecture.
There were two good sized closets which would be great if you has stuff to hang. (Since I had such a tiny closet at the holiday in when Aimee and John got married this is something I now notice.)
One of the closets had a safe which I knew would tickle Aimee.
<--------
The beds had lovely linens, I am a fan of good linen. No scratchy wool blankets, no ugly 80's bedspread. This is a big bonus for me. I like pretty things.
Speaking of pretty, we were on the back side of the hotel so we had a pretty kick ass view of the harbour and Georges Island, or would have if the fog had not been so dense.
There was a nice flat screen tv which of course I loved since I am a TV junkie in detox.
There was also a beautiful writing/computer desk. It was so cool because there were all kinds of plugs and inputs built into the front of the desk.
I love mod-cons! On the dresser/entertainment unit were a couple of $5.00 bottles of water. I love going through drawers at hotels. I guess I am on the look out for things people left behind. I have never found anything interesting. But this time in my hunting I found something really fun....
A MINI BAR!
I have never, in my memory, stayed in a hotel with a mini bar. I was trying to check it out, I mean I didn't really want a $20 bag of chips (okay I exaggerate a little) but I wanted to look. I turned the room upside down but I could not find the key. I certainly was not going to CALL down to have them send me a key so they could charge me $20 for a bag of chips. When Aimee arrived she did the whole thing over again and came to the same answer. So I hung out watching TV for a while (oh sweet TV I miss you so) then I realized I was hungry so I decided that rather then go out in the rain to Taj Mahal I would order in room service. I mean I have heard great things about the food here so I was pretty excited anyway. I should have braved the rain. While the food wasn't horrible it was certainly not good enough to warrant what I paid for a salad, burger, sweet potato fries and can of pop. The rest of the evening was split between the tv and drying off from the Christmas parade (that is a story for another day). The tub was nice, the water stayed hot and the bed was comfy. All good things. Then finally Aimee showed up. YAY!
She was flustered however because the whole parking lot for the hotel was full so she had to park, in the pouring rain, out on the street overnight and pray she did not get a ticket.She ordered dinner and I got dessert. Mmm. Aimee's dinner was a lot better then mine so now I know they CAN cook and my dessert was good although not what I was told I was getting.
Aimee and I spent the rest of the night howling with laughter at the names of the dirty movies and trying to decide if it was worth it to spend $12 to watch a regular movie. In the end $12 was just too much for a movie that I can probably already get on DVD for less.
Eventually we decided it was time to bunk down. When the TV we was off we noticed the strangest thing. We could hear really loud music coming fro somewhere. We checked the hall, nothing. We looked out the windows towards Electropolis, nothing. In the end we determined that we were RIGHT above one of the hotel ball rooms and there was a wedding going on. A very loud wedding. Which o course as a wedding guest I would love but when I am trying to sleep. Not so much. However eventually Aimee stopped chatting and the music went away and I drifted off to sleep. I even had a half decent rest, right up until the sun came up. See we had closed all the drapes in the room to block out the morning light but there was no drape in the bathroom which ordinarily would not have been a big deal but in this case the bathroom door was not solid wood it was glass so that bright morning light just came shinning in. Aimee and I were both solidly pissed at this.
The natural, unstoppable light at 7:30am
<========= evil! Breakfast came shortly after 8:30 and again the food was ok but certainly nothing to write home about and surely not worth what we paid for it.
After breakfast we went down to the pool. It was bathtub warm and had cool art deco architecture but there was no deep end which I found weird. The hot tub seats were oddly arranged so that you were either too deep or much too high out of the water and the surface of the tub was FILTHY. I was too grossed out and decided I couldn't stay so we got out. But of course there were no towels left. Figures so we dripped all the way back up to the room praying that no one would see us. We had lots of time to kill before check out but we just weren't feeling the vibe so we decided to check out early and do some shopping. The final slap in the face came when Aimee went to settle the bill and she had to pay $1.00 for a local phone call. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I could not believe it. I was beyond grossed out at this blatant rip off.
The long and the short of it.... The Westin won't be on my list of places to stay in Halifax anytime soon! And that is sad for them because look how cool WE are!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sitting in the lounge at the Westin Nova Scotia waiting to check into our room. It is mine and Aimee's hotel weekend but she has to work until 9:30. Shitty planning but it can't be helped. Anyway our room is not ready to I am sitting here with Aimee's laptop drinking the worst Starbucks latte ever and feeling pretty pretentious. Gil is still in evil ol' Toronto and I must say that I miss him terribly. I have gotten used to him just being there. But it has me thinking (ohhh I just saw a beautiful bride walk by and now I feel all smushy) anyway as I was saying... Him being away has me thinking that I take him for granted too much. He is my constant companion but he is also sort of my back up plan. If I am not doing something with Aimee or David or whoever then we might make a plan to do something. I was talking to my brother today and he said the problem with his last relationship was that they just were friends and nothing more anymore and I never want that to happen to Gil and I. So I have to think about those things more often. I want him to know he is always my first choice for a date, that even when he is away from me he is always on my mind.
Anyway. That is all I have to say about that at the moment.
Anyway. That is all I have to say about that at the moment.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
As promised a post on a topic....Topic # 1....
As a primer to tackling the Big A I wanted to take a brief look at the "Morning After Pill"...
I think that it is important that I be honest about my experiences when discussing all these topics because I am a real person and it is my experiential reality which shapes my world view. So I will be perfectly candid and tell you that I have personally used the MAP ... actually I have used it 3 times.
The first time I was around 17 and I had some very inadvisable sex with an extremely inadvisable "man" and I was too stupid to insist he wear a condom. Yeah I wanted him to like me. I paid for that error in judgment. I spent a very pleasant 16 hours on the cold bathroom floor throwing my ever lovin' guts up. I also swore I would never have unprotected sex again...yeah right.
and so...
The next time I was 20 and living in England. I was in love, engaged and totally fucked up. It would have been a disaster to get pregnant/be a parent at that time of my life. We went to "casualty" and got the pills. I did not get sick that time. Sadly however what I did not know at that time was that I was already 8 weeks pregnant. The combination of the MAP and the recreational drugs and party lifestyle that we were living lead to a miscarriage not long after. It was a hard time for all of us and I still struggle with the results of my actions however I stand by the fact that I was not ready to be a parent at that time.
The last time was different. The last time is hard to talk about. The last time I don't recall being given a choice but I would have taken it either way. The last time I was raped. The MAP was just a few more pills in a veritable cocktail of meds they handed me in the emergency room along with what I can only guess where some high dose antibiotics and perhaps a sedative and/ or pain killer. I don't remember feeling sick. I don't remember feeling anything at all for a long time.
From this safe vantage point in my life eleven years later I know that if the MAP was not an option made available for me, I might not have made it through that ordeal alive; if I would have had to worry about a possible pregnancy on top of everything else I might have killed myself.
So as you see I am unable to talk about the subject and be completely objective and I know that but I will try and be as fair as possible.
Let's look at this from a medical perspective.
The Hypocratic Oath says "...Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy..." (which I assure you I will get back to when I discuss abortion!)
and Miriam-Webster say an abortion is "the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus"
So if my logic follows in order for there to be an ABORTION there has to be an embryo or fetus. How does this jive with what we know about the morning after pill?
The pills themselves are basically a higher dose of the same hormones found in regular oral contraceptive pills (The Pill).
According to every source I can find, the emergency contraception pill is good for only up to 72 hours post sexual encounter.However the earlier you take it, the better: the morning-after pill works best if taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex. However it is effective up until 72 hours. Three days. What happens in those three days? Well lets just assume for the arguments sake that at the at the time of said sex you have actually ovulated. (which I would like to add is not as easy to time as you might think)
If intercourse is timed correctly then between 100 and 300 million sperm may be awaiting the appearance of the solitary ovum. Some sperm are probably lost, heading in the wrong direction or up the wrong the fallopian tube, and other sperm may be neutralized by the immunity-function of white blood cells. I know this sounds some kind of freaking science fiction, doesn't it! The fact is, of the millions of sperm that navigate their way from the vagina to the fallopian tube, only several hundred of the healthiest will get the opportunity to meet the egg.
At this key junction, the question remains: Will the ovum get fertilized? Let's see what can happen.... The sperm will typically meet the egg in the lower quadrant of a fallopian tube and start to swarm around the egg. The ovum is covered by a protective field known as the zona pellucida, and in order for fertilization to take place, sperm cells must find a keyhole (or receptor) to unlock the zona pellucida, gain entrance, and burrow their way to the oocyte, the genetic core of the ovum. Only one sperm will connect with the oocyte, precipitating genetic combination - signaling that fertilization has just taken place. With fertilization, the ovum becomes the zygote or embryo and now passes through complex phases of cell division and differentiation. BadaBing! You have just conceived!
How long does this take? Here is the major question as it pertains to the MAP. Nothing I have found has said it take "36, 48, 73 hours" for the sperm with the Golden Ticket to unlock the gate, gain entrance, and burrow its way into the warm gooey comfy spot that is the oocyte.
The prospective of most Pro-Life movements (which I promise I will look at more closely in future) is that life beings at when this Spermy, Eggy meeting happens. The very very moment. The Medical community, for the most part has a different perspective. Prior to implantation the the combined spermy/eggy is in a sort of free floating phase. In order for pregnancy to actually occur the Zygot must successfully implant in the endometrial lining. Implantation typically takes place several days and up to a week following ovulation.
"Several days to a week" ... that is is pretty vague to me. I could not find a statistic on how long the average woman waits before getting the pills, how many women use it within the first 24 hours, which we have already been told it is the most effective, or how many women wait a few hours after they have them to make sure they want to do it. All the little things may be a contributing factor.
So here is what I think. I morning after pill, if taken properly as it is intended, is not an "abortion pill', it does not terminate a pregnancy, it prevents one from taking place. It temporarily stops the release of an egg from the ovary, it prevents fertilization and/or it prevents a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus. I don't think that this pill should be used as a primary form of birth control, I think that people, my self included you take responsibility for birth control prior to engaging in sexual behavior however... shit happens and I think that this is a viable, acceptable plan B.
I think that it is important that I be honest about my experiences when discussing all these topics because I am a real person and it is my experiential reality which shapes my world view. So I will be perfectly candid and tell you that I have personally used the MAP ... actually I have used it 3 times.
The first time I was around 17 and I had some very inadvisable sex with an extremely inadvisable "man" and I was too stupid to insist he wear a condom. Yeah I wanted him to like me. I paid for that error in judgment. I spent a very pleasant 16 hours on the cold bathroom floor throwing my ever lovin' guts up. I also swore I would never have unprotected sex again...yeah right.
and so...
The next time I was 20 and living in England. I was in love, engaged and totally fucked up. It would have been a disaster to get pregnant/be a parent at that time of my life. We went to "casualty" and got the pills. I did not get sick that time. Sadly however what I did not know at that time was that I was already 8 weeks pregnant. The combination of the MAP and the recreational drugs and party lifestyle that we were living lead to a miscarriage not long after. It was a hard time for all of us and I still struggle with the results of my actions however I stand by the fact that I was not ready to be a parent at that time.
The last time was different. The last time is hard to talk about. The last time I don't recall being given a choice but I would have taken it either way. The last time I was raped. The MAP was just a few more pills in a veritable cocktail of meds they handed me in the emergency room along with what I can only guess where some high dose antibiotics and perhaps a sedative and/ or pain killer. I don't remember feeling sick. I don't remember feeling anything at all for a long time.
From this safe vantage point in my life eleven years later I know that if the MAP was not an option made available for me, I might not have made it through that ordeal alive; if I would have had to worry about a possible pregnancy on top of everything else I might have killed myself.
So as you see I am unable to talk about the subject and be completely objective and I know that but I will try and be as fair as possible.
Let's look at this from a medical perspective.
The Hypocratic Oath says "...Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy..." (which I assure you I will get back to when I discuss abortion!)
and Miriam-Webster say an abortion is "the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus"
So if my logic follows in order for there to be an ABORTION there has to be an embryo or fetus. How does this jive with what we know about the morning after pill?
The pills themselves are basically a higher dose of the same hormones found in regular oral contraceptive pills (The Pill).
According to every source I can find, the emergency contraception pill is good for only up to 72 hours post sexual encounter.However the earlier you take it, the better: the morning-after pill works best if taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex. However it is effective up until 72 hours. Three days. What happens in those three days? Well lets just assume for the arguments sake that at the at the time of said sex you have actually ovulated. (which I would like to add is not as easy to time as you might think)
If intercourse is timed correctly then between 100 and 300 million sperm may be awaiting the appearance of the solitary ovum. Some sperm are probably lost, heading in the wrong direction or up the wrong the fallopian tube, and other sperm may be neutralized by the immunity-function of white blood cells. I know this sounds some kind of freaking science fiction, doesn't it! The fact is, of the millions of sperm that navigate their way from the vagina to the fallopian tube, only several hundred of the healthiest will get the opportunity to meet the egg.
At this key junction, the question remains: Will the ovum get fertilized? Let's see what can happen.... The sperm will typically meet the egg in the lower quadrant of a fallopian tube and start to swarm around the egg. The ovum is covered by a protective field known as the zona pellucida, and in order for fertilization to take place, sperm cells must find a keyhole (or receptor) to unlock the zona pellucida, gain entrance, and burrow their way to the oocyte, the genetic core of the ovum. Only one sperm will connect with the oocyte, precipitating genetic combination - signaling that fertilization has just taken place. With fertilization, the ovum becomes the zygote or embryo and now passes through complex phases of cell division and differentiation. BadaBing! You have just conceived!
How long does this take? Here is the major question as it pertains to the MAP. Nothing I have found has said it take "36, 48, 73 hours" for the sperm with the Golden Ticket to unlock the gate, gain entrance, and burrow its way into the warm gooey comfy spot that is the oocyte.
The prospective of most Pro-Life movements (which I promise I will look at more closely in future) is that life beings at when this Spermy, Eggy meeting happens. The very very moment. The Medical community, for the most part has a different perspective. Prior to implantation the the combined spermy/eggy is in a sort of free floating phase. In order for pregnancy to actually occur the Zygot must successfully implant in the endometrial lining. Implantation typically takes place several days and up to a week following ovulation.
"Several days to a week" ... that is is pretty vague to me. I could not find a statistic on how long the average woman waits before getting the pills, how many women use it within the first 24 hours, which we have already been told it is the most effective, or how many women wait a few hours after they have them to make sure they want to do it. All the little things may be a contributing factor.
So here is what I think. I morning after pill, if taken properly as it is intended, is not an "abortion pill', it does not terminate a pregnancy, it prevents one from taking place. It temporarily stops the release of an egg from the ovary, it prevents fertilization and/or it prevents a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus. I don't think that this pill should be used as a primary form of birth control, I think that people, my self included you take responsibility for birth control prior to engaging in sexual behavior however... shit happens and I think that this is a viable, acceptable plan B.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Things you don't think about at 22...
I know you will find this hard to believe, but I was not always the calm, cool, responsible adult you know today. *snicker*
Yes I am a woman with a past. This is not a shock to anyone who knows me well. I don't take out billboards advertising my past exploits but I am certainly not hiding anything. Yes there are things that I am ashamed of. I challenge you to find me one person who has never done anything in their life they are ashamed of. However I believe I am basically a good, decent person. I wish I had been nicer to Paul. I wish I had been nicer to the girl who is now his wife. I wish I hadn't taken my family for granted. I wish I had spent more energy on my relationship with my Auntie. I wish I had not exhausted and wore through the friends who were really there for me. I wish I had not taken advantage of Shannon's kindness and her nurturing spirit. I wish I had made better choices for myself. But I can't change what has past.
Trust me I do have a point I am just coming at it the long way around....
Honest to god I don't remember much about what I was doing at 22 and most of the paper trail from that year went up in the flames of a bonfire earlier this year. I know the year was 1997. I know I finished up my first year of university and I did pretty well. I know that I broke up with a steady, nice, good guy because there as some wrong deep down inside me, a deep dark lack of self worth that was beginning to consume me despite my successes. I know that I met and began a relationship with small g greg, a handsome, smart, funny, deeply self destructive man who already had a girlfriend. (not the first or last time in my life I would be the other woman but that is the tale for another day) I know that small g greg was into exploring his universe with the assistance of Lysergic acid diethylamide and because I really liked him and I wanted him to like me so I attempted to open the doors of preception as well. I know that this was not enough to make small g greg like me sufficiently to leave his girlfriend when she got home from her summer job away. I know that is WAS enough to make that growing self doubt & hate explode into an all consuming rage/depression. I know that the doors of perception left open too often and for too long left room for all the deamons I had been keeping at bay for the preceding 21 years coming marching on through. I know that this led to even more problamatic decision making on my part, stupid decisions, dangerous decisions. I know the decisions I made led to my sexual assault. Not that is was my fault but that the decisions I made led me there. I know that the cumulative result was me chilling out in a mental hospital for the last few months of 1997. What a year when you look at it like that.
If I could just go back and have a word with myself, sit down over a coffee and look her/me right in the eye... If I could just go back and have an hour alone with myself I would have some very sage advice.
(1) I told well me to stick with school no matter how hard things got. School is the silver bullet. School might well be the best thing you can ever do for yourself.
(2) I would tell me to work hard for what I want. That is nice to be taken care of but it feels so much better to take care of yourself.
(3) I would tell myself that it isn't the relationship with Keith that is wrong but how I see myself IN that relationship. Go ahead and break up with him if you don't feel the spark but it is not going to change what is going on inside of you.
(3) I would tell myself that she can do better then small g greg. Actually that is not correct, because it makes it sound like the problem was with him. He was (and still is) a lovely guy. As I said he was very smart, very funny, tender and kind. And he was so beautiful to look at. But as soon as I knew he was involved, seriously involved, with another girl I should have ran as fast as I could have in the other direction. Because I deserve to be more then the other woman, I deserve to be more then a dirty little secret. I deserve more. I wish with all my heart I could make that abundantly clear to my younger self.
(4) This should be obvious but I wish I could explain in the clearest terms possible that our choices have impacts and implications on our lives and on our futures. That is not to say that every decision you ever make will come back to bite you in the ass. But some will and some will bite harder than others and in ways you never anticipated. For example ( I told you I would get to my point eventually) I would love to tell frightened, angry, self destructive me that some day it really is going to get better. Some day with a lot of hard work her life is going to be mostly normal. Someday she is going to have a steady job to take pride in, a house of her very own to take of and grow in and best of all a husband who is a best friend and a partner and someone who REALLY loves her and in turn she really loves and wants to take care of. Some day she is going to have all this and want to protect it by investing in some life insurance. But then she going to answer all their health questions and the result will be that because she had cared more about if a boy liked her then her own future and she (of her own free will - not blaming anyone but me here) took some drugs in 1997, here in 2008 she was refused life insurance and the ability to take care of her family should anything happen to her.
okay. end rant for now. I just wanted to say I was bummed about the life insurance and I wish I had a time machine.
Yes I am a woman with a past. This is not a shock to anyone who knows me well. I don't take out billboards advertising my past exploits but I am certainly not hiding anything. Yes there are things that I am ashamed of. I challenge you to find me one person who has never done anything in their life they are ashamed of. However I believe I am basically a good, decent person. I wish I had been nicer to Paul. I wish I had been nicer to the girl who is now his wife. I wish I hadn't taken my family for granted. I wish I had spent more energy on my relationship with my Auntie. I wish I had not exhausted and wore through the friends who were really there for me. I wish I had not taken advantage of Shannon's kindness and her nurturing spirit. I wish I had made better choices for myself. But I can't change what has past.
Trust me I do have a point I am just coming at it the long way around....
Honest to god I don't remember much about what I was doing at 22 and most of the paper trail from that year went up in the flames of a bonfire earlier this year. I know the year was 1997. I know I finished up my first year of university and I did pretty well. I know that I broke up with a steady, nice, good guy because there as some wrong deep down inside me, a deep dark lack of self worth that was beginning to consume me despite my successes. I know that I met and began a relationship with small g greg, a handsome, smart, funny, deeply self destructive man who already had a girlfriend. (not the first or last time in my life I would be the other woman but that is the tale for another day) I know that small g greg was into exploring his universe with the assistance of Lysergic acid diethylamide and because I really liked him and I wanted him to like me so I attempted to open the doors of preception as well. I know that this was not enough to make small g greg like me sufficiently to leave his girlfriend when she got home from her summer job away. I know that is WAS enough to make that growing self doubt & hate explode into an all consuming rage/depression. I know that the doors of perception left open too often and for too long left room for all the deamons I had been keeping at bay for the preceding 21 years coming marching on through. I know that this led to even more problamatic decision making on my part, stupid decisions, dangerous decisions. I know the decisions I made led to my sexual assault. Not that is was my fault but that the decisions I made led me there. I know that the cumulative result was me chilling out in a mental hospital for the last few months of 1997. What a year when you look at it like that.
If I could just go back and have a word with myself, sit down over a coffee and look her/me right in the eye... If I could just go back and have an hour alone with myself I would have some very sage advice.
(1) I told well me to stick with school no matter how hard things got. School is the silver bullet. School might well be the best thing you can ever do for yourself.
(2) I would tell me to work hard for what I want. That is nice to be taken care of but it feels so much better to take care of yourself.
(3) I would tell myself that it isn't the relationship with Keith that is wrong but how I see myself IN that relationship. Go ahead and break up with him if you don't feel the spark but it is not going to change what is going on inside of you.
(3) I would tell myself that she can do better then small g greg. Actually that is not correct, because it makes it sound like the problem was with him. He was (and still is) a lovely guy. As I said he was very smart, very funny, tender and kind. And he was so beautiful to look at. But as soon as I knew he was involved, seriously involved, with another girl I should have ran as fast as I could have in the other direction. Because I deserve to be more then the other woman, I deserve to be more then a dirty little secret. I deserve more. I wish with all my heart I could make that abundantly clear to my younger self.
(4) This should be obvious but I wish I could explain in the clearest terms possible that our choices have impacts and implications on our lives and on our futures. That is not to say that every decision you ever make will come back to bite you in the ass. But some will and some will bite harder than others and in ways you never anticipated. For example ( I told you I would get to my point eventually) I would love to tell frightened, angry, self destructive me that some day it really is going to get better. Some day with a lot of hard work her life is going to be mostly normal. Someday she is going to have a steady job to take pride in, a house of her very own to take of and grow in and best of all a husband who is a best friend and a partner and someone who REALLY loves her and in turn she really loves and wants to take care of. Some day she is going to have all this and want to protect it by investing in some life insurance. But then she going to answer all their health questions and the result will be that because she had cared more about if a boy liked her then her own future and she (of her own free will - not blaming anyone but me here) took some drugs in 1997, here in 2008 she was refused life insurance and the ability to take care of her family should anything happen to her.
okay. end rant for now. I just wanted to say I was bummed about the life insurance and I wish I had a time machine.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Dang...
Okay so I am pretty much ready to post my first topical issue thingy.. (yeah I am having a hard time with words tonight) anyway I have one small problem, I am suddenly struck with a case of stage fright. I suddenly care what people might think about what I say. I guess that I have pretty much suspected that no one read this at all but periodically I hear people say... "blah blah blah your blog...blah blah..." and then the other day my husband told me that he reads it from time to time. So now I am worried that I might step on some toes. I am going to try to put it up in the next day or so. If I take shit for it then we will deal with it. If not I will try again. Yeah so that is that.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
And now for something a little different...
Trying to figure out how I feel about life, the universe and everything.....Okay it is time for me to tackle some of the larger issues in life to see what I feel, where I am on the issues that really seem to matter...I think I will take one issue at a time (after I make a list) Abortion...Religion....Being Green....Eating meat...Open Marriage...Gender and politics..... You get the idea... I am going to read, watch, listen try and learn and then try and listen to my heart about how I feel. Then I am going to share with the rest of the world.Doesn't that sound like fun?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
110 Reasons Why My Husband is The Best
- His eyes sparkle and crinkle when he laughs.
- He can take apart a toilet and but it back together on his own.
- He always smells so good.
- He is a very safe driver.
- He is seriously one of the smartest people I have ever met.
- He can make jokes about Pi.
- He makes awesome homemade chicken noodle soup.
- He helps me name inanimate objects with people names.
- He makes trips to the grocery store romantic.
- He sends me links to turtles/giraffes/kitties when I am blue.
- His “pretty dress” joke.
- He is not to high brow for a good fart joke.
- He likes washing my hair in the shower.
- He calls me at work when he wants to share something really interesting or funny.
- He works at his job because he really likes it.
- He always makes my birthday super special.
- He is okay with having breakfast for dinner.
- He has a really nice bum.
- He puts the toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning.
- He loves BOGO.
- He says good morning to Don on CBC radio faithfully.
- He both is and is not a mamma’s boy.
- He always helps his friends out even with crappy jobs.
- He makes really good coffee.
- He sits on the side of the tub and pours water on my back.
- He lets me pick his body wash.
- He can play Barbie’s with little girls.
- He cleans up after himself when he is sick.
- He totally supported me through Clomid.
- He thinks Homer Day is funny.
- His gifts to me are always so thoughtful.
- He only says no when there is a good reason.
- He taught me about slop.
- He doesn’t say “I love you” casually.
- He is not uptight about money
- He does not care about farts.
- He tells good bedtime stories.
- He eats whatever I cook even if it sucks.
- He makes mooing noises when we drive by cows.
- His total devotion to all things Rush.
- His explanation of the Time Cube.
- He makes killer scrambled eggs.
- He is never (hardly ever) cranky in the morning.
- He gives the cutest voice to our cats.
- He never fails to kiss me good night, even when he’s mad.
- He never complains when my beard is thicker then his.
- He always brings me glass bottle when he goes to PEI.
- He is good with babies.
- He is always nice to my mom.
- He talks to my crazy drunk brother on the phone.
- He comes in with me at the Dr.’s office.
- He is good at carving a turkey.
- He can really keep a secret.
- He is very compassionate.
- He doesn’t care if I go to bed angry.
- He never makes me feel inferior because of my infertility.
- He loves his sisters.
- He understands that sometimes cramps are the end of the world.
- He rarely gets drunk and stupid.
- He has a really sexy back and shoulders.
- He always listens to me gripe about work.
- He loves to read.
- He listens to me talk about my dreams, figuratively and literally.
- He can be the bad guy when he needs to be.
- He has a wonderful variety of friends.
- He will go into Lush to “just smell” with me.
- He volunteers for Operation Red Nose.
- He is affectionate in public.
- He is never afraid to try new foods.
- He knows what the “Carrot Store” is.
- He is a great back scratcher.
- He goes to the skating party every year.
- He plays the same “game” with me every Christmas Eve.
- He thinks its okay to bring a book out to breakfast so you can read & eat.
- He makes a kick ass Robot Butler.
- He always helps me on the computer.
- He never laughs at me when I cry ‘cause Leo died.
- He loves a good movie date night.
- He makes awesome costumes.
- He has very kissable lips.
- He understands why it is awesome that “God put his picture on the fridge”
- He thinks my glasses are sexy.
- He often comes to have lunch with me at work.
- He drank red wine with me on our first anniversary.
- He doesn’t notice how grey I am going.
- He understands that Trailer Breakfast is a thing a beauty to be revered.
- He loves Lost as much as I do.
- He loves Pamcakes.
- He understands the smell of Sunlight dish liquid brings out the crazy in me.
- He understands the deviation from a plan is hard on me.
- He loves the Bunnies at White Point as much as I do.
- He never resents it when I want to do stuff with other people.
- He eats purple popcicles far from me.
- He doesn’t laugh if I say SIN number or PIN number.
- He doesn’t get grossed out when I talk about lady stuff.
- He understands that celebrating milestones is important to me.
- He remembers to do things like test the smoke detector.
- He thinks that Steak & a Blow Job Day is funny.
- He gets along really well with my Big Brother.
- He gets really mad if people are mean to me.
- He indulges my addiction to Starbucks.
- He lives by the Tomato code
- He thinks that charity auctions are fun.
- He drives me all over the place without complaint.
- He bought me a beautiful house.
- He always votes.
- He is not afraid of hard work.
- His Meggy dance.
- He always does his share of house work.
- He is the best husband in the world.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Why I didn't do my gratitude last night but will FOR SURE tonight....
Well folks, I have officially over done it. last night I went to the gym because I was determined to get me three in this week. I did this despite the fact that I was exhausted and run down and had not had a proper meal since 10:30am. As a result I ended up in hospital, rushed by ambulance with very little recollection of what happened. I remember thinking a few minutes before "I am too tired to do this today I should just go." Then I thought "don't be a pussy, just finish" I was working hard, I was thinking about getting weighed and measured on Monday. The next thing I knew I was on the bicep curl and I was trying to ask for help but my mouth didn't know how to work anymore. Then I work up and there were men all around me asking me questions and sticking me with things and for some reason my hand hurt terribly ( I still don't know why). I was loaded on an ambulance and rushed to hospital.By the grace of God Gil was in the parking lot waiting for me so I didn't have to be without him for long. It was a long night at the ER. The doctor was mostly concerned that when I came to I had a killer headache and also when they too my blood sugar in the ambulance it was 6.1 which is perfectly normal. I guess they were hoping it was a low blood sugar thing. Anyway the doctor seemed pretty concerned it might be an aneurysm but the CT scan looked good. He wanted to do a spinal tap but at that point I freaked out and said I wanted to go home. I had already had so many needles, I was hooked up to oxygen and an IV because after a few hours I still had low sats. there were wires coming off me everywhere and I was really fucking freaked out. Anyway they let me come home on the promise that I would take it VERY easy and come back if I had so much as a twinge. SO here I sit in my chair. Freaked out, tired, sore and stil for some ungodly reason concerned about getting weighed in.
As an additional note I found out on the way home last night, Gil told me (and I think his aim may have been to attempt to send me back to the hospital, my choice not to have the spinal tap was not a popular) that the first responders on the scene could not get a pulse on me. Period, anywhere. that really fucking scares me. I have to be honest. I am still really freaked out.
As an additional note I found out on the way home last night, Gil told me (and I think his aim may have been to attempt to send me back to the hospital, my choice not to have the spinal tap was not a popular) that the first responders on the scene could not get a pulse on me. Period, anywhere. that really fucking scares me. I have to be honest. I am still really freaked out.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Well it was a good day... I am tired but I def. don't have that pmsy feeling of the other day. I still feel like stuff isn't getting done around the house as quickly as I would like and the mess if a little out of control. With Gil down and out with a cold I fear this weekend will be a wash. We shall see...
(1) Lunch with David
(2) John playing John
(3) I made dinner and it tasted good
(4) Pretty sunset
(5) work being actually calm
(1) Lunch with David
(2) John playing John
(3) I made dinner and it tasted good
(4) Pretty sunset
(5) work being actually calm
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I sucked today. I gotta say. I was whinny and impatient at work. I gave my husband a hard time for having the gall to fall ill. AND I forgot to put on antiperspirant this morning so after my worker out I smelled so bad I made MYSELF gag. Over all not a stellar day. I wish I could have a do over but I can't so I just have to make tomorrow better. It is weird it really feels PMS grade bitchiness but I just finished recently so it can't be. In FACT it feels a lot like CLOMID crazy but there is no way on earth it can be that. Anyway.... I really ow my husband an apology. Poor pooper felt like HE had to apologize for being sick. How awful am I?
Lets find some gratitude anyway....
(1) Worked out even though I really didn't want to
(2) Drive home from Aimee
(3) "I take it back, unfuck yourself"
(4) cats see to actually like each other
(5) beautiful moon
Lets find some gratitude anyway....
(1) Worked out even though I really didn't want to
(2) Drive home from Aimee
(3) "I take it back, unfuck yourself"
(4) cats see to actually like each other
(5) beautiful moon
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I did it again!! This time the combination of a late game night and the addition of a new family member put all thoughts of blogging right out of my head. The new family member is a 8 week old kitten who was abandoned pretty much at birth and has been living with a co-worker of Gil's for the past few weeks. She is totally adorable and now answers (or not) to the name of Mango. Tikka is unhappy. We will see how it goes.
Anyway yesterdays gratitude....
(1) Mango!
(2) Breakfast with Gil at the new quiet Cora's
(3)Girl at Canadian Tire making the same funny vampire joke about my broken spade.
(4)lazy saturday afternoons
(5) IMPERIUM!
Anyway yesterdays gratitude....
(1) Mango!
(2) Breakfast with Gil at the new quiet Cora's
(3)Girl at Canadian Tire making the same funny vampire joke about my broken spade.
(4)lazy saturday afternoons
(5) IMPERIUM!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I was so tired last night I passed out before I had a chance to update my gratitude so I am going to do it this morning before the day gets away from me....
(1) Driving home from work with Gil, we only do it on Friday now so it seems more special.
(2) oatmeal cookie from Michael at work. I only had a piece of it and then gave the rest to Gary but it is the thought that counts.
(3)Not living in Texas. Ike blows. Literally.
(4) Dinner at Cheelin with Gil's coworkers and the boss paid.
(5) Someone noticing the shrimp in the rice before I took a bite. Yeah that was a really great thing.
(1) Driving home from work with Gil, we only do it on Friday now so it seems more special.
(2) oatmeal cookie from Michael at work. I only had a piece of it and then gave the rest to Gary but it is the thought that counts.
(3)Not living in Texas. Ike blows. Literally.
(4) Dinner at Cheelin with Gil's coworkers and the boss paid.
(5) Someone noticing the shrimp in the rice before I took a bite. Yeah that was a really great thing.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
If I didn't think it would be cheating all 5 things tonight would be Sara helping me with the yard .... but since I can't do all five it certainly gets top billing....
(1) Sara helping me so super uber much with the yard.
(2) Finally meeting a neighbour and she was cool.
(3) The beautiful moon light coming in the living room window.
(4) Wendy's for dinner. Naughty but so yummy.
(5)the sun shine we had today without humidity.
(1) Sara helping me so super uber much with the yard.
(2) Finally meeting a neighbour and she was cool.
(3) The beautiful moon light coming in the living room window.
(4) Wendy's for dinner. Naughty but so yummy.
(5)the sun shine we had today without humidity.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Good lord I am tired. This week I am just working my ass off and I am really starting to feel it. I fear Cardio tomorrow might kill me. I am going to update this and then I am going to fall into an 8 hour coma.
(1) Awesome water consumption today.
(2) the sound of crickets outside the bedroom window.
(3) grilled cheese sandwiches.mmmm
(4)My very comfy bed.
(5)Gil carrying the laundry down to the laundry room for me.
(1) Awesome water consumption today.
(2) the sound of crickets outside the bedroom window.
(3) grilled cheese sandwiches.mmmm
(4)My very comfy bed.
(5)Gil carrying the laundry down to the laundry room for me.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Oh man I had a work out and a half tonight. I am so sore but I know my body will thank me later. I know I can do this but I have to start I visualize myself losing the weight. Oh man I sound like mom. This can't be a fad, it has to be a life style. I can do this.
(1) Wanda having such a good day at work.
(2) our break at work because of the power failure (I hope know one was badly hurt in the accident that caused it.
(3) Laure posting pictures of the boys
(4) joining Curves Quest (GO GIRL!)
(5) Gil trying the hour wind down with me. I have the most supportive husband in the world.
(1) Wanda having such a good day at work.
(2) our break at work because of the power failure (I hope know one was badly hurt in the accident that caused it.
(3) Laure posting pictures of the boys
(4) joining Curves Quest (GO GIRL!)
(5) Gil trying the hour wind down with me. I have the most supportive husband in the world.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
okay so Post Tropical Storm Hanna was a bust, I am glad I was not one of those whack jobs stocking up for the end times. Of course one of these times I am going to be wrong and I will be screwed. I guess I could have at least pulled out some candles just in case. It does FEEL tropical here however, it is so humid I am disgustingly warm. Our house usually has a good cross breeze but tonight there is nary a whiff of a breeze. I am in a good mood but the combination of the heat and the menstrual cramps is putting a bit of a damper on things. Over all the weekend was a total success. I got SOME stuff done around the house but there was a good amount of lazing as well. Not to mention a trip out for Chinese foods.
Sara is going to come over on Wednesday and help me out getting the garden ready for fall. The garden was a HUGE part of why I wanted to buy this place and now I am totally scared by it. I am petrified of making a "mistake". Anyway I am sure I will get over it at some point.
I am falling down tired so without further rambling I present todays gratitude.
(1) Gil making a huge feast for dinner for us and our D&D gang.
(2) Not needing the candles I never pulled out.
(3) FINALLY finding the place mats I bought and packed away months ago.
(4) Our fan!
(5) Midol. yes, god bless Midol.
Sara is going to come over on Wednesday and help me out getting the garden ready for fall. The garden was a HUGE part of why I wanted to buy this place and now I am totally scared by it. I am petrified of making a "mistake". Anyway I am sure I will get over it at some point.
I am falling down tired so without further rambling I present todays gratitude.
(1) Gil making a huge feast for dinner for us and our D&D gang.
(2) Not needing the candles I never pulled out.
(3) FINALLY finding the place mats I bought and packed away months ago.
(4) Our fan!
(5) Midol. yes, god bless Midol.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Some days this is just too easy...
And that is a good thing!!!
(1) Brunch with Frank, Lee and Izzy.
(2) Walking in the park with my husband.
(3)Rita Golden Gelman
(4)Kitty on a ladder
(5)Sobey's not being insanely busy the night before a big storm.
(1) Brunch with Frank, Lee and Izzy.
(2) Walking in the park with my husband.
(3)Rita Golden Gelman
(4)Kitty on a ladder
(5)Sobey's not being insanely busy the night before a big storm.
Today my spirits and energy are high and my gratitude abundant. Maybe this experiment is working.
(1) Working out even though it is Friday and I just wanted to chill.
(2) An evening with friends I don't see enough of.
(3) watching the cat try and kill a hair elastic.
(4) two words.... Garlic Roaster!
(5) Progress in the adoption process!
(1) Working out even though it is Friday and I just wanted to chill.
(2) An evening with friends I don't see enough of.
(3) watching the cat try and kill a hair elastic.
(4) two words.... Garlic Roaster!
(5) Progress in the adoption process!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
so...
I realize that my last few posts went from YAY happy to I have been complaining alot and the blog might not have reflected that. First of all let me say I have PMS so I am probably WAY over reacting. Second of all my complaints have mostly been in my head or to my darling husband. Nonetheless there is always room for more gratitude. Having said that.
(1)Christmas ornaments in September
(2)Jann Arden
(3) Spaghetti
(4)the sun finally coming out for a while
(5)my dishwasher.
(1)Christmas ornaments in September
(2)Jann Arden
(3) Spaghetti
(4)the sun finally coming out for a while
(5)my dishwasher.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
More Gratitude.....
Because I made a commitment ....
(1)Watching all the kids go off to school.
(2)My beautiful green sitting room walls.
(3)Pamcakes.
(4) hot bath
(5) Christopher Moore!
(1)Watching all the kids go off to school.
(2)My beautiful green sitting room walls.
(3)Pamcakes.
(4) hot bath
(5) Christopher Moore!
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Meghan the downer...
It seems like recently I have been complaining more then I have celebrating. I need to recognize the good things in my life so for the month of September I am going to keep a gratitude list. Every day I am going to share 5 things I am grateful for. I hope that it serves to show me how much awesomeness I have in my life.
(1) Gil making dinner
(2) Aimee picking me up at Curves
(3) Facial waxing
(4) My heating pad
(5) tomatoes with balsamic vinegar
(1) Gil making dinner
(2) Aimee picking me up at Curves
(3) Facial waxing
(4) My heating pad
(5) tomatoes with balsamic vinegar
Thursday, August 21, 2008
More thoughts
How do I spell happiness? H.O.M.E. I know, I know, it’s all I talk about these days but I am just so unimaginably content. I love doing everything in our house, our home. I love doing the dishes. I love doing the laundry. The other night I was up at 3am cleaning up after my violently ill husband and it was so oddly satisfying. Not that I was happy he was sick of course, but I didn’t mind at all the clean up process. I don’t know if it will last or not but for now I have a deep desire to take really good care of this home of ours. It’s not like I am exactly being a clean freak or anything, although truth be told I have been tidier, it is deeper then that. It’s like for the first time I really care about my surrounding. I always thought I did care, but this is different. I don’t feel like I explaining myself very well but that’s okay you get the general idea.
I am not completely anxiety free mind you. Gil’s recent bout of stomach flu/ food poisoning re-sparked my “Gil’s going to die and leave me all alone” anxiety. This of course has been much more acute since Michelle lost Kevin, more often then not I can keep it in check but seeing him so sick really broke me. I wonder if I am strong enough to deal with a serious illness. I would like to think I am but I have a great fear that I would freeze like a deer in headlights. I love my husband more then anything or anyone in the world and I can’t imagine anything worse then something bad happening to him. My problem is that I spend too much time doing just that. I know it is an irrational fear (as most fears are) and he is the picture of health. I know he will likely live a long healthy life. But that is probably what Michelle thought too.
There are also days where I find another thought creeping into my mind. Gil and I will be making big plans or doing something spontaneous and I feel so happy and so complete and I think…”Maybe we shouldn’t have kids. Maybe we would be happier just the two of us.” A totally crazy thought I know as we have tried so hard to have a baby and started the process to adopt. I am not sure where the thought comes from. I have wanted to be a parent so long but now I find myself questioning my motives. I have wanted to be a mother forever. I love kids. But I find my patience for certain child related things growing shorter. I love the life I have with my husband and wonder from time to time if it isn’t enough with just the two of us, maybe even easier. Or maybe I am just trying to get my mind used to the idea that there may never be a child in our family. Filling out adoption paper is certainly no guarantee that we will one day have a child of our own. I want to make sure we are doing all this for the right reasons. I am sure that Gil is, but I need to make sure that I am. This is one of the reasons we are also considering respite care.
Respite. Synonyms include breather, break, relief, reprieve
I can’t count the number of times I have heard “So&So adopted and then boom they got pregnant right away!” I am tired of those stories. They are even worse for me than the “I just stopped trying and boom I was pregnant!” stories. We are not looking to use adoption as a fertility treatment. When I made that first call to Community Services on January 14th I was not thinking “hey if I do this then maybe I will finally get pregnant with my own baby.” I was thinking “It is more important to me that we are PARENTS then it is for me to give birth.” And I still feel the same way. When we started the adoption process we were still doing the fertility treatments, I considered this to be a kind of concurrent planning, it made sense at the time, but it didn’t last long. It didn’t take me long to pick the path that was best for me and best for our family and that path is adoption. This may not be the way I always envisioned having my family but it is not second best and I never EVER want our child to feel that way. In fact when I think about my own family and Gil’s I wonder if adoption isn’t divine providence for us. We more than most people know that families aren’t blood they are love.
Respite we are told may be a good way to get our foot in the door. It may be a good way of getting us to our end goal faster. I would be an idiot and a liar if I said that didn’t have merit, but I don’t want anyone to think that we are doing this solely as a short cut to get our own kid. We both were intrigued with the idea of respite as soon as we heard about it. We hadn’t known that such a thing was an option. I don’t think I could be a full time foster parent. I think I would get attached and then I would get hurt when the child had to leave us. I know myself too well. Maybe after we have adopted our kids and we have more emotional strength. I don’t know but in the mean time a weekend every month sounds like exactly what Gil and I should be doing. Getting our feet wet. We both love spending time with children but we could both use some practice with our parenting skills. I am hoping that this will give Gil and opportunity to be a little more hands on than he has been with the other children we have in our life and perhaps make him a little more comfortable in that regard. I on the other hand need to get used to sharing children. I have a problem with the way the system is set up and I need to get over that in order to help my future child. Also I need to learn to be more …firm; Sometimes it is okay to say no, sometimes it is okay to be the bad guy. Heck sometimes it is even for the best interest of the child to be NOT be their best friend. I have a hard time with that, I know I do. I had a hard time with Brianna for the same reasons. Sometimes I wasn’t able to say no when I should have because I wanted to be liked.
(I have been dealing with that same issue my whole life, and in a nut shell it describes the first 10 years of my dating life.)
I want my kids to like me, but not at the expense of them growing up to be little decent people so if from time to time they have to dislike me, I need to okay with that. It is part of the job.
I guess by what I have just said I do want kids. Of course I still want kids and I think that Gil does too. But it is dawning on us now how much our lives will change with a child in the picture. We, especially me, would like to think that everything will go back to normal after a period of adjustment but that is just not true. Once you have a child nothing is ever the same again. For example we are planning a trip to see Shannon and Damon and the girls for Christmas of 2010. That will not be an easy trip to take with a child. I will still DO it. But it would be easier if it were just Gil and I. When we are wandering around the house mostly naked, or hanging out in the living room with the lights off watching the lightening, when the house is so quiet on Saturday morning while I putter around and Gilly is still sleeping. When we are dreaming about the two of us driving across the country together, these are the moments when I have doubts. I guess that is normal.
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