Saturday morning update

Ahhh the weekend. This past week at work was my first full one since before Christmas which made it feel so very long. I wish the weekend didn't always end up being so short. I think we should have 4 day work weeks and three day weekends. As a whole we put much too much emphasis on work. We live to work and work to live. There is not enough time in our lives for rest, for relaxation, for social and spiritual development. My whole weekend is STUFFED full of trying to get everything else done. And those other things are REALLY important. I need that social and spiritual sustenance, and I need to not get burnt out trying to get that. I need to not wake up on Monday morning and feel exhausted and wonder where the hell my precious weekend hours went.

I am watching CNN at the moment and a young boy (15) who has been missing for 4 years has been reunited with his family. I am bawling my face off listening to these parents talk about having this miracle happen to them.

Okay time to get things going. More later.

Lunch Time Quickie

Gil didn't have to go to PEI today YAY!! He was there so much in 2006 that he got a Christmas card from the hotel staff. That is TOO MUCH!!

Today marks my first full week of work since before the holidays and I don't mind saying it is already going too slow. It is very cold and damp today and I am freezing at my desk.

I got email from Kevin (from London) today wishing me a happy belated birthday, that was very nice of him. I sometimes feel like I was JUST in London but we have been split up for more then a decade. It is sweet that he still remembers when my birthday is. I think that we will always be friends and keep in touch, he was the fist man to ask me to marry him, I have a tattoo tribute to him on my back, we can never forget that.

I have to get back to work. Hope everyone is have a good Monday.

Sunday Morning

Sitting here in the living room watching CBC Sunday report, it is such a very strange world we live in. I am trying to get my shit together so I can take down the outside lights and put away the last of the Christmas decorations. I have a screaming headache so it is slowing me down. I have had a headache for so long now that the periods of time without headache are more noticeable. I should really see a doctor about that.
I got an amazing hair cut yesterday, it was a birthday gift from Gil. I went to see Dave's Dave and he did an amazing job. We went out to dinner last night at Fran's with 10 of our close friends and it was so much fun. I love when I have a bunch of friends around me, it is such a comforting feeling.
Today Mike, Gil and I are doing a used book store crawl. I think my mother would have really enjoyed a day like this, when I was little we spent a lot of time in bookstores together, I don't remember clearly but I think she must have been a big reader. I know that in our house books are a huge deal. Gil and I both LOVE to read. We have more books then most sane people. There will come a day when we will need a room just for our books. Anyway I just look forward to spending time with Mike. He is always such a good time, he makes my brain grow a little more every time I hang out with him. Plus he can talk with Gil at a level that I just can't which is nice for him.
Well my headache is starting to pass, I should by stock in Advil. I should get those lights down and try and get my house in order.
Have a nice day.

Thoughts

Tomorrow I will be 32 yeas old. I have a god job, a nice roof over my head and a great husband. I have no idea how I go here. Ten years ago I was stuck in a world of self pity. I was hurting all the time. I was in love with a man who could not be in a relationship with me because I was so screwed up. I was going nowhere very fast and was so messed up I thought that death would be better then trying to be me anymore. I had lost my hope. If you had told where I would be today I would NEVER have believed you. If you told me the wonderful man that I married would not be Paul I would have called you a liar. I never believed I could have a normal, healthy relationship with anyone. I never believed that I would make anything of my life. I believed in the end that the prophecies of those who had hurt me in my childhood would come to pass.
I don't know when my hope came back. I can't pinpoint a moment when things came back together. I know that Gil helped to build me back up. I know that he gave me the courage to try things, to make choices, to fail and fall but with a safety net. But he does not treat me with kid gloves and I like that.
I make choices everyday to keep me out of the darkness. They are not always the right choices. Some days I see how easy it would be to slip back. I think I will always struggle. But I am so grateful for what I have been given. I am so grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life; for my job, my home, my friends, my amazing husband who supports me every single day whether it is a good day or a dark day. This life I have, this hope of mine. It is the best birthday gift ever. yay me!

2007- The Clean Slate

Well New Years eve has come and gone with it's usual amount of drama and fan fair. 2006 was a very good year for me [ Shannon came home to visit , I lost 30 lbs., I got engaged, I got married] but I am ready to see it gone. I like the clean slate everyone seems so eager to offer us when the calendar switches over. It honestly makes it feel like anything is possible. The past few years I have either not set any resolutions or ones that had no substance. This year I plan to do better. First of all back to weight watchers 'cause that 30 lbs I lost found it's way home. As of today I am off of pop. I feel about pop now the way I felt about cigarettes when I quit smoking, I hate it, it makes me feel gross but I CRAVE it anyway, so it is going, cold turkey. Diet pop is no better, it is a load of crap. Diet gives me headaches and makes my teeth feel disgusting. Good Bye POP.
Also this year we want to have a baby. Be prepared to hear a lot about this, it will be a running theme. I hope I am one of those blessed people who gets pregnant as soon as we start to honestly try, but I have deep fear that I will be one of the other people for whom pregnancy is a long hard road. I want to make sure that the trying to get pregnant part does not become a stress on our relationship, that is very important.
I want this year to be awesome for Gil and I. Are first full year married, we will have lots of new adventures. I just want the journey to be an enjoyable one for both of us.
Well I am off to take down some decorations. I like to have them dawn before my birthday, and I would REALLY like to have my living room back.

Happy New Year, be blessed.