Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 in review....

Okay so it's not a very creative topic for my 200th blog post but this has been a VERY big year and I think it is important to take stock in order to move forward. I am not a big fan of New Years Eve. I find the pressure to have super fun is just crippling. I don't like getting shit faced drunk, I don't like staying up late. Anyway this is all by way of saying that I don't like New Years Eve, but I love New Years. I love the hope, I love the possibility. Really it is like the beginning of a relationship. But you can't move on to a new relationship until you have done a postmortem on the last one.
So 2008 was a year of great change for Clan Richard's Dartmouth Branch. We began the year amid the hormone induced horror that was Clomid. In retrospect I have no regrets about trying it and even less about not trying it longer. If something doesn't work for you there is no point in torturing yourself with it. If I had to do it all over the only thing I would change is the time of year that we did this. Winter is already so hard for me, I can't imagine what we were thinking to have added the Clomid in November of all months. But we did it and we survived.
Mid winter we decided that we needed to make a new plan, the clomid was not what was best for us, not for me as an individual and not for our marriage so we started to look more closely at adoption. It made sense, it seemed a much better fit for us. We went with it and haven't looked back. It has its trials and frustrations but it feels like the right thing for both of us. We like that.
Spring blew in like a lion and wrecked havoc in it's path. We remained intact but we had one friend who lost a husband in a car wreck and another lost her husband to an affair and it cast a dark shadow on all of us. Both these beautiful strong women are getting through day to day and I have the deepest respect for them.
Late spring and summer brought up home. We weren't looking to buy right away but this beautiful home landed in our laps and the timing could not have been more perfect.
Owning a home is not without challenges both financially and mentally but Gil and I are doing it and I think it has made our partnership that much stronger.
September was a mixed bag. I had a health scare which really had a deep impact on me mentally. I have been in a bit of a fog the last few months but it is starting to lift and I am starting to feel like my old self. September also brought us Mango. Our newest fur baby is a serious hand full but she is so sweet I can never stay mad at her.
In October my big brother came home from a long deployment which was a very happy time. We also got to have our second wedding anniversary and our first Thanksgiving and Halloween in the house.
The beginning of winter has had its share of winter blah's but I am keeping busy. Thinking about switching jobs. Thinking about going back to school. Working on projects around the house. We had our first Christmas here and we are pretty damned happy.
There has been a lot of change this year and I am not sad to see the end of 2008 but I am so happy to be where I am. I am living the good life.
Here is to 2009, may you be strong and healthy and happy.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Yay!

Well at long last we have some good news on the adoption front. Thank goodness. I have not been talking much about the adoption process because I have been trying not to dwell on it because it makes me a little crazy. We have been stuck for a number of weeks because they have been trying to locate MY file from children's aid. Why they need it to continue with our home study is a mystery to me but that is a rant for another time. At any rate it has been so slow. I have been really patient but persistent with my emails seeing where we are in the process. And today I got a late Christmas gift, early birthday present; an email from the social worker saying they have my file so we can proceed to the next step. With any luck a home study is our very near future. I am so excited I spent the day jumping out of my skin. It was a nice change of pace to be in a good mood all day.
Gil had some great news today too. But I have to wait a while before I share that. It is not my news to share and he is feeling squirly about it.

Monday, December 29, 2008

And that is the kind of day it has been...

Hey there, hi there, ho there babes! Sorry I got eaten up by Christmas. Chewed up, swallowed and shat out the other side. I mean it was good, but you know how it is all busy and burn outty. Now I am laying here in bed with my kitty girls (Tikka is actually laying right across my left wrist which is making typing interesting). I am feeling pretty warm and cozy. The house is making its delightful creaking noises (which we ARE learning to sleep through) and the girls are purring their furry little hearts out. There are even clean sheets on the bed. All in all I feel pretty content at the moment which is nice 'cause I have had a shitty ass day. Starting mid afternoon yesterday I was pretty sure that I had picked up the stomach flu that my father in law had brought down with him on Christmas Day. I love that man dearly but I have NO idea what possessed his when he decided to drive the 4 hours down here from NB while suffering the gastro. No thank you, Christmas or no if I am that sick I want my own bed and my own toilet. Anyway yesterday I was pretty sure I had it. I was sweating and clammy and my stomach was doing some very unnatural things. This on top of the 38 days of menstrual hell left me a wreck on the sofa for most of the day. On top of the regular post holiday burn out this was just a mean ol' kick in the pants. Around 10 I took some Gravol and went to bed because I had to go to work today. How much does that suck? Anyway the Gravol seemed to do the trick and I even slept all the way through the night. In fact I slept great, I haven't slept that well in a long while. Which if of course why I woke to 'The Great Menstrual Crisis of '08'. Having successfully ruined a thousand dollar mattress I went down stairs to shower and get ready for work. I hate the morning. I really hate the first morning back after being off work for a few days. I hated this morning with a passion that burned like the heat of a thousand suns.
When I was ready I woke Gil. Gil was not ready to get out of bed either. I, being in a bad mood, was not really in a place to make getting up any easier for him. I told him to get his bitch ass out of bed, maybe not in so many words. I was unpleasant anyway. Thus began the snipping. The snipping lasted right up to the time we were walking out the door, now running late because I forgot to pack up the laptop (as well as several other things). The next part is a bit mixed up. As long as we are alive I don't think that Gil and I will ever agree on who is to blame (but it's not me) but it doesn't matter, the point is... Mango got out. Oh our adventurous little monster slipped right out through the storm door which had not been closed all the way. The little monster had no desire to be wrangled and I just stood there on the porch paralyzed by fury and frustration, having already thrown my keys and swearing loud enough for the neighbours to hear. (Go me!) I did eventually snap out of it, I caught the rotten little brat and tossed her back in the house. Gil and I got in the car in silence and angrily drove off to work. I was now running late. We had missed our regular traffic report. We didn't know what we were heading for. But after we hit the black ice and lost control of the car we pretty much figured it out. At this point Gil decided we needed some breakfast, coffee and bagels before someone got killed, it did not matter if I was a few minutes late for work. He pulled into the parking lot and I LOST IT. I cried so hard for a moment I wondered if I was going to stop. How could one morning be so shitty?
Gil went and got me tea and the rest of the day was pretty average from there but the tone had been set. I was having a bad day and nothing was going to shake it.
But as I said I am now in a cozy bed, the cats are being particularly cute, even that bad one who had me doing laps around the yard at 8am. So I am going to chalk this day up and a learning experience and start all over again tomorrow.
Good night everyone and be blessed. I sure am.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Love thy neighbour.....

Gil and I were having a great talk the other day about the meaning of the holidays and the basics of religion and her reminded me of the wise words of Bill and Ted... "Be excellent to each other!" And At the day isn't that what it is all about? And not just at Christmas time either. I mean how hard is it? Actually it can be hard, lets be honest, some people are hard to be nice to. But in general isn't important that we try... really hard? Isn't it important?
I was listening to CBC radio in the car on the way to work yesterday and there was a message left on their voice mail by a man who was responding to their annual food drive program (which was a great success btw) anyway this man was railing about donating food to the food bank saying that is was wrong, that in doing so people were letting the government get away with not doing it's job in taking care of the poor. Yes the government should help people but it can't be left solely in the hands of bureaucrats. Isn't it our job as humans to look after each other? Shouldn't it be the mandate of all human beings to take care of those in need? I bought 4 extra containers of honey last week because I wanted to bonus air miles! For goodness sake don't I owe it to the world to share some of my wealth? This is not to say that I am wealthy, but if I can afford to buy 4 jars of honey I can certainly spare one or two for someone else.
I do have more to say about this but at the moment I am all worked up so I am going to go relax and think about something nice. I'll be back.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

How my husband tricked me into having the time of my life and doing a good deed all at the same time...

I have a secret. Promise not to tell? okay... I have a tendency to be a little over dramatic. Yup. It is true and that is not even the worst part.... I am also pretty selfish. It is gross but true. This combination of character traits contributed to a melt down of epic proportion last night. It had been a LONG week. It had already been a LONG day. I was tired. I was hungry (look out world) and the plans had been changed several times through the course of the day. The plan changing is my Achilles heel, it is my undoing every time. So the long and the short of it is I just lost my shit. My poor husband just didn't know what to do with his red faced, snotty nosed, bawling wife. So he told me to get dressed and he would take me for some food and we could spend some quality time together before he headed out for another night of do-gooderness (it is a word now!) manning the phone bank for Operation Red Nose. Reluctantly I agreed to be fed. (HA!) While we were at our friendly neighbourhood pub I was still blathering about not wanting to be left to fend for myself on a Saturday night when Gil started his tricky magic. He suggested I come with him for a little while, he just needed to stay until So and So arrived, then we could leave early. It likely wouldn't be long, then we could do something else...well the idea had merit but I felt guilty pulling him away from a commitment he had already made. Then he tells me about all the goodies that they have to eat there. Well that might peak my interest a little. Then he lays the big one on me.... They have a big screen TV and cable! Oh temptress thy name is TV! "Okay, I will go hang out with you for a while since it will only be for a very short time and they will be TV and munchies." My husband knows me WAY too well. So we get there and there are LOTS of volunteer drivers and navigators milling about waiting to be sent off into the cold and snowy night, but something is amiss. Shortly after Gil has given me the grand tour (this place is SWANK!) it becomes clear that they are in dire need of some help on the phones. Several people have not shown up for this job and it looked like just Gil and one other very lovely , very stressed out lady would be running the whole dispatch show, on one of the busiest nights of the year. Well that is not cool. I guess I could take a few calls. I mean, it is sort of what I do anyway. I am sure have guessed already how this ends. The night was mayhem. I spent most of the night on the phone with drunk people trying to interpret drunk speak into directions. I ended up staying there until well past 2am. I loved every friggin' moment of it. It was in fact one of the most fulfilling nights of my life. Thanks in part to me 87 people did not drink and drive last night. That makes my heart soar. Next time I hope it is more. Yup, I said next time. If they will have me I am heading back next weekend. 'Cause I have another secret that is no secret at all. I grew up with an alcoholic father and he liked to drink and drive... with me in the car. Thank god he never killed anyone but he could have so easily. I tried to stop him when I was a little girl but I was powerless. I know that most of the people who called us last night were not crazy drunks like my dad, I know most of them were good people who just wanted to have one more glass of wine. But if one person was saved last night because a drunk didn't get behind the wheel of a car then I have all my power back. I think my mother would be proud.

Oh by the way the big screen TV he lured me there with... I barely noticed it I was having so much fun. Thank you so much Gil. I love you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

These are a few of my favorite things.....

I know it is easy to get caught up in drama of the holiday season (and I am not talking about catching a rerun of Bad Santa or The Santa Clause). I know that the mall with its screaming children and pushy shoppers can be a nightmare. I know that twisting yourself up like a pretzel over what to get your second cousin Ed is the the farthest thing from fun you can imagine. I know, in all seriousness that laying awake at night wondering how you are going to make it through the holidays without re mortgaging your house can drive a person to the depths of despair.
However I am here to remind you (and myself) that there are so many marvelous things about the Christmas season.
I love pictures of little kids sitting on Santa's knee.
I friggin' adore Christmas lights. I am not kidding, I am nutty about them, every time I see them I squeal with glee.
I LOVE Christmas carols. I am not talking about some new fandangled Christmas Song that every Tom, Dick and Brittany is releasing... I mean Christmas Carols! The kind you sing at church. I love O Come All Ye Faithful, & O Little Town of Bethlehem. You wanna see me cry? Play me a great rendition of the First Noel. Although I confess I am pretty fond of some older Christmas songs such as White Christmas or I'll be home for Christmas. One year when I was 9 or 10 my brother Stephen re-wrote the words to White Christmas and to this day Purple Christmas has a deep and special place in my heart.
I love visiting with young Children on Christmas eve. I love watching them squirm with anticipation. I love watching them leave their treats for Santa and his entourage. I love watching them looking out the window trying to catch a peek of the big guy. I love how they go to bed so willingly to try and be good and you just know there is NO WAY they are going to sleep.
I am absolutely besotted with Nativity scenes/Crèche('s)/Mangers! I have been as long as I can remember. There is something about the scene that pulls on a cord very deep inside of me. However I issue you a note of warning. Woe to you who puts snow on the roof of your manger (unless it is outside and you can't help it)I will seriously take a fit it I see this. My poor Mother used to get so mortified when I was a wee lass and she would take me visiting over the holidays; if I saw a nativity bedecked in snow I would walk over and pluck it right off. I can remember the nativity we used growing up with perfect clarity. My brothers had hand painted all the figures (or clay lumps as the case may be) when they were very small. They were so funny looking. I loved them and wanted to keep them around all year. I also loved dressing up as the "Blessed Virgin Mary" and with my own baby doll recreating the scene for my Mother.
My own nativity now is a funny cardboard punch out nativity dating from the mid 1940's. I found it in an antique store a few years ago and it was in mint condition. I fixed that pretty quickly. Some day I am going to get a beautiful one. Or maybe my kids can hand paint one like my brothers did so many years ago.
I love Midnight mass. Not quite as much as I used to since it is no longer at midnight and that cheeses me off beyond all reason. Despite my faltering Catholicism of the past few years I still love Mass in general. There is something so comfortable and familiar about the service. But Midnight Mass... that is magical. Marking the beginning of Christmas day, the service is so joyous. Often priests who like to follow tradition closely open the service with these words from the Second Psalm: “The Lord said to me: You are my Son, this day I have begotten you”. That just gives me shivers!! I love it.
Well I have more to say about Christmas Eve but I think I will save that for another post.
For now I hope I gave you a smile and pause to think about what you love about Christmas. Feel free to share with me!

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Why we have a "fake" tree: expose on a marriage...

Okay... okay I confess!! We have an artificial Christmas tree. I swore I never would. I MOCKED those who did. I love real trees. I love, love, L.O.V.E. the smell. I love how they look. I love going to the tree lot and choosing the perfect one. I had to have a fake tree as a teenager because group homes can't have real ones, some crap about allergies and fire hazards. So I swore I would never do it in my house. And yet here we are going on our third Christmas with ol' fakey. Why? Why would I do this to myself, to Gil, to our friends and family? (oh yeah dramatic flare!)
I could quote you an article by the American Christmas Tree Association that says that there are many benefits to having an artificial tree including saving money, the lack of pine needles shed all over the house, free of maintenance hassle. I could say that it had something to do with the debate that fake tree's are better for the environment (but I am not convinced of that so it would be dumb of me to say) but none of those are the reason why year after year I gladly haul out fakey.
The truth of the matter is that I go through this yearly ritual because I value my marriage... a lot.
Gil and I are lovers not fighters. It is rare that we have a real tear up, rip roarin' fight. But without fail every year we would get the tree home and within half an hour all hell would break loose. Oh yeah we would have great fun going to the lot and wandering around, picking the perfect tree. It was always SO romantic, crisp and cold and full of possibility. But the first cracks always started when we were trying to wrestle the tree INTO the car. The drive home smoothed things over as we were giddy, drunk on Christmas joy. We would pull into the drive way and things were fine then we would go to wrestle the tree OUT of the car and the wheels would come off. Metaphorically of course. By the time the tree was in the stand and as close to standing up straight as we could manage one of us was always in tears (me) and one of us had managed to learn 42 new curse words (Gil). Hoho friggin' ho! The misery never lasted that long, it certainly never permanently ruined Christmas but it always left a terrible taste in my mouth. Metaphorically of course.
You see I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. And he was never so sweet that he would take a break from being an Angry Drunk for the holidays. Putting up the tree was often a trigger event that lead to a holiday full of Angry Drunk.
Gil is not an alcoholic, he certainly is never angry on the rare occasion that he actually drinks enough to be drunk HOWEVER I have had enough "tree putting up" drama/trauma to last a whole life time... and I had this opportunity to make sure I never had to endure it again. Gil would not have to endure it. And when we finally have children they would not have to endure it.
I am not sure why the task of getting the tree in the stand and standing it upright always turns in to a feat of Herculean effort. But I know that my family is not unique in this regard. While I am sure there are people out there who have the Disney experience but I think that they are the exception. Maybe going out and getting an artificial tree was a little extreme but I am telling you it was worth it. This year Gilly went down to the basement and pulled Ol' Fakey out of storage. It took about 3.5 minutes. When I had a moment between baking cookies I went in the living room and put the tree together. It took about 7 minutes. Over the last few days I have spent roughly 12 minutes fluffing the branches until they looked exactly like I wanted them to. (I also wanted to leave the tree for a few days to see how Miss Mango would react to it. SO far so good.)
Last night my Sweet Baboo asked me if I would like him to put the lights on the tree?! I gave him a big ol' kiss of gratitude and off he went. He did a perfect job too may I add. Sometime over the next few days I will throw on the decorations (probably between batches of cookies) and it will look beautiful 'cause let's face it there is really no such thing as an ugly Christmas tree. We will have managed to do the whole thing with out shedding one tear or uttering one profane word (until Mango knocks the tree over which you SO know is coming!)

Now if you will excuse me I am off to sniff my Christmas Tree scented candles.... Ahhh pine fresh!

Monday, December 08, 2008

The Anatomy of Neurosis: A Special Holiday Edition.

As a small child I was told all the same things at Christmas the rest of you were. Be good. Santa KNOWS if you are being bad. Santa has spies everywhere. Okay maybe you weren't told that Santa had spies everywhere. Obviously your older brothers were not as creative as mine.
My big brother Stephen also gleefully introduced me to the story of Black Peter who scared the livin' life right out of me. Actually I am going to digress on this one for a moment. There are two things I want to say here. The first is that there is no way that my brother knew that my deepest (imaginary) terror was "The Black and White Man" (This is something I will definitely come back to) and that his scary depiction of Black Peter only added fuel to that fire. Second of all I want to say that as an adult looking at Black Peter, the not even remotely subtle racial overtones gives me the shivers. However as a child I was not told he was a black man, African American, African anything, I was told he was a devil. My brother was not being a racist.
Anyway.... even more bizarre was the "relationship" I developed with Santa's elves. They didn't scare me per se, but I truly believed them to be watching from any and every where. I wasn't sure if they had
invisiblity powers but that seemed to make the most sense. This had two major impacts on my young life. The first was that I got VERY good at changing my clothes while showing the absolute minimal amount of flesh. Second of all from approximately Remembrance Day to Christmas Eve my life became the Truman Show. Every window was treated like a reverse TV screen. There were secret invisible elves everywhere so I had to give them my best show. Of course I would forget sometimes and behave like the beastly little child I was. I fought with my brothers, had tantrums and kept a messy room. But as soon as I remembered or was reminded about the eyes/spies who were watching me.. BAM I was on; ever the little Starlette making my bed with a flair and fervour that was shocking.... or nauseating.
The real problem of course is that this is a habit (?) / behaviour has stayed with me all my life. Not all the time of course but once and a while the feeling creeps up on me and I am on. Almost exclusively when I am all by myself and at night, then I am surrounded by unseen cameras and I have to be the best me I can be. It is weird but not altogether unpleasant. I feel a little like a cross between a mentally deficient Martha Stewart and Ellen ('cause I dance) but all in all I am not sure if it is the healthiest way for me to live my life. I think it also contributes to my fear that an axe murderer is lurking in the bushes waiting for me to be home alone. Damn my over active imagination and damn those pointy eared spies

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Some more Christmas pictures....

I am going to put up my tree today. But while it is still quiet in and warm and lovely in the house (and I am trying desperately to keep it that way while my Gilly get some much earned rest) I am going to give you some more Christmas pictures of me too look at. 'Cause I really am that vain.







Okay, clearly these pictures were all taken the same year and I would have to guess that it is also 1991 because I am wearing my "I got these cool stockings when I spent the summer in London" outfit. Actually I must say I was a pretty cool teenager, by this point I had really started to mellow out and find my own unique (?) style and vibe.
Shortly after these pictures were taken I met one of the coolest boys I ever dated. He was from Australia, he played guitar, he introduced me some awesome music which still ranks high in my
musical preferences. He was also pretty damn smart and funny, and he would only be in Canada until February so it had that sort of hurried, urgent romantic vibe that I think can only be enjoyed when you are under 25.

This is him playing his guitar on Christmas eve 1991, sitting in the chair is his AWESOME sister Marilyn, one of the coolest chicks I have ever met. The bum leading up to the red shirt is me, I am glad the picture was not of my face as I was probably drooling. and the crazy long hair and pink T-Shirt is Mona. Oh Mona I love you so. Some day I will have to dedicate a whole post to her, but she was my best friend in high school or at least the first two years.
You know come to think of it this is the same Christmas eve a certain unnamed staffer gave me Gravol to get to sleep. No wonder I was so excited. *drool*

I am going to ask Gil to hook up the scanner later on so I can grab some pictures of my actual childhood. We shall see how that turns out.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Humiliations Galor!

My body hates me. I am pretty sure that this is not an exaggeration. I haven't been all that kind to my body in my life so now it is out too seek revenge on me in any and every way possible. For the past two weeks I have been having this pseudo period. Just enough to ruin any fun plans that Gil and I might have... home... alone. (wink) But nothing .... you know... heavy. That is until I was at my staff Christmas party/dinner wedged at a table between my boss and a co-worker at which point unknown to me the taps turn on full force so when I stand up, jeans soaked though. Lovely. I am having all my bits taken out, that is it!

The never ending Saga of a girl who falls down....

Klutz
n. Slang.
  1. A clumsy person.
  2. A stupid person; a dolt.

[Yiddish klots, from Middle High German kloz, block, lump, from Old High German.]

klutziness klutz'i·ness n.
klutzy klutz'y adj.

Also see Meghan Richard

Seriously though.. how many people do you know who can be standing on a perfect level floor, on both feet, and then fall over??? There is something wrong with me. Maybe I am wired in correctly. Go ahead and mock. I have it coming.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Ghost of Christmas Past....

Okay well Christmas always comes with it's fair share of memories and around this time I start waxing nostalgic for simpler times. I was going to talk about Christmas's of my childhood when I suddenly remembered they were kind of hard too. So I will save them for another day. Today I am in a great mood and I thought I would share some pictures of me clearly enjoying the holiday and being too cute to be true.

<---- This is me Christmas morning 1991! I was that excited because Santa brought me office stationery. God I love paper clips. This year I remember that I had a very hard time falling asleep because I was so excited for Christmas morning (I was pretty sure what I was getting as it was all I asked for, I am such a nerd!) Anyway it was pretty unusual for me to be so keyed up for the holiday and I just could not sleep so the staff member on shift that night (who will remain unnamed because that was the deal) gave me a Gravol to help me sleep. SO naughty and SO against the rules. As it happened I still only slept for 4 hours. Poor souls. But look at me, too cute!


I think that this --------->
might have been Christmas 1990, I am not 100% but I am sure that outfit RAWKED! I mean the skirt was denim, frilled and had that coverall thing going on! Well at least my hair is tamed back in a pony tail. But wait, look in the lower right hand corner! Someone is trying to grab my bum!



<----- Well it is not the greatest picture ever but this is me and my sweetie Steve at the Christmas party 1992. See that sour look on my face? What a rotten kid. Maybe I had a sixth sense that just a few hours after this was taken I would be in a near fatal car accident. I was still wearing the same outfit and would never get to wear it again. I wasn't very happy that Christmas, I was in a LOT of pain for a long time. But looking back I know that there was an angle with me that night. Smile kiddo, other then a lingering sore back you are going to be ok!

Well I do have more and I will share them as Christmas gets closer but right now I have to go get some Christmas cards ready for the mail.

Hohoho!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

ARG!


Oh ... Misery thy name is pms. And if you had a taste it would be this....
Oh yeah we are just having that kinda of day here at the happy time ranch.
I am am sure you all care so much about my menstrual woes but can I just say that when combined with pre-Christmas stress, by regular round of winter blues and the fact that I am REALLY hating my job at the moment, I feel pretty much like I am standing on the edge of the depths of despair. (thank you so much Anne Shirley).
Logically of course I know this will pass. The pms will end, the kitchen will get clean, the mountain of laundry will some how get washed, dried fold and find it's way back into the dresser drawers. Christmas will come no matter how much I bury my head in the sand and it will be fine, it will be wonderful because it always is, because I live a charmed life and I land on my feet. But for some reason the part of my mind that KNOWS all this to be true has gone on strike. I am being rules by the illogical, immature, needy part of my brain that flat out refuses to believe that the days will eventually get longer, that some day we won't be so broke, that my real friends won't mind if the gifts this year are smaller and possibly homemade. This part of my brain wants to throw a tantrum, for some one else to "fix it" and to go to sleep until spring. I hate this version of me and want to do every thing in my power to put a muzzle on her.
I think the the thing that I worry about the most is also the most irrational... and that is that Gil is finally just going to get fed up with the rotten, unhappy negative me and walk away. Now he has never ever given me any reason to worry about this it consumes me. I mean I can hardly stand to live with me, how come he keeps staying. But thank god he does. He certainly makes everything so much better. As I speak he is down stairs doing laundry, YAY Gil. I am going to go and finish pairing the mountain of socks because nothing helps snap me out of a funk like crossing things off my to do list.
Peace my friends.