Sunday, February 10, 2008

My Blended Family

People are always telling me that they need a road map to follow my family tree. I, of course, think it is fairly easy to navigate but then I have been doing it for 33 years. I have decided it is time to bust it down here.

My Mother, the woman who gave birth to me, was a lovely soul named Leone. She was born in Sydney Nova Scotia in 1940. She grew up... she met and married another lovely soul who we will call Uncle W. They lived in Montreal and had two children, my lovely, awesome brothers who we will refer to as MJ and DeeDee. Note: Here is my first set of siblings and the ONLY ones I know who are biologically related to me- Sadly for all this marriage did not last and while MJ and DeeDee were still very young Leone and Uncle W. divorced. Uncle W. went on to marry a woman who I adore whose name is frighteningly close to Leone's. She had Three children from a previous marriage, Gerry, Brian and Kim. Note:These are my brothers step-siblings but because of the nature of my family I consider these three people to be siblings.-

Leone, MJ and DeeDee moved to Nova Scotia where she took a job, as an RN,at the local nut house. There upon she my biological father. I want to call him ass face, but that is rude and I am grown-up so I will call him Jim. Jim and Leone hooked up. Leone had the misguided impression that she could save Jim despite the fact he was desperately, unalterably broken. One magic night , bing -boom, they made me. By the time nine months rolled by and I made my entrance on to the scene Jim and Leone's marriage had pretty much unraveled (shocking) and after months of bitter divorce and custody battle Jim and Leone divorced. Jim basically wandered into obscurity. When I met him 20 odd years later Jim told me that after Leone he was briefly married or lived with with a woman named Barbara who he left when she was pregnant (yeah what a charmer!) NOTE: I presume that she went ahead and had said child but I do not consider said child to be my sibling in any meaningful way.

Leone went on to marry Paul who she also met at the nut house, who was also desperately, unalterably broken. Paul had two children from a previous marriage, Sean and Kim. Note: I was raised believing Paul to be my biological father so naturally I counted Sean and Kim among my siblings and despite the fact that it was later learned that Paul was not my biological father and the fact that I have not seen them for more then twenty years i still count them in there.
Leone and Paul stayed unhappily married for 8ish years. Let's not mince words... they were not happy years. Their marriage ended when Leone died tragically at the age of 44 from breast cancer.
A few months after Leone passed away Paul's girlfriend moved in and some time later they married. I want to call her The Evil Bitch from Hell, but as I said earlier but that is rude and I am grown-up so I will just call her The
Evil Step-Mother. The Evil Step-Mother brought with her, along with all her other baggage, two Evil Step Sisters. Note: despite the fact that we lived under the same roof for several years and behaved as siblings I do not consider the Evil Step Sisters members of my family-.
On March the 8th 1988, at the age of thirteen I was taken into the care of Child Protection Services for reasons which we can talk about another day. I never went back.
I lived in a group home for most of my teen years. I lived with a LOT of girls over those years and while not siblings I consider most of them to be members of my family.
For a while I lived with some very kind and loving Foster Parents who tired very hard to make it work with me but I was in a bad place and it didn't work out. NOTE: They went on to have 4 children and have a very extensive extended family who have embraced me wholly and I consider them to be to be part of my extended family-.
In this time I also became best friends with Little Bits. Her family became mine, completely. Mother who I call Mom, Father who I call Dad, Brothers(3), Sisters(2), Step-Siblings (3), Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents who I call Grammy and Grampy, the whole lot of them took me lock, stock and all. I love them with my whole being, they are my family in every way that means anything.
My family is big and complex. I have two brothers with the same name, two sisters with the same name, two sisters with the same birth date, many of them have never even met each other; however there is so much love there, so much kindness. It might sounds like I have had a tough time of it, but imagine how lucky and loved I feel tucked inside this big blended family.

Meghan

PS- Now I get to call Gil's family mine too! Don't even get me started there. :)

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Ex Factor,

Okay enough baby talk for right now, on to another topic that his been on my mind lately. The exes. I love my husband very much, he is the delight of my universe and by any yard stick he is the most important person in my life, my most significant relationship. However he is not my only significant relationship and my adoration of him does not alter the history of my life or erase the previous men in my life. Nor should it. For good or for bad our past relationships shape our current ones. I can tell you now with 100% certainty that my relationship with PM has had a real and pertinent impact on what kind of wife and partner I am to Gil.
I have had many Ahh-ha moments over the years about my past relationships, about the nature and function of love. I learned that to really love someone means wanting what is best for them even when that is not you. I learned that it is more important to be honest with myself then with anyone else. I learned that it my happiness is my own responsibility. I also learned that you can love more then one person at a time. This is a concept that many people have a very hard time dealing with and I am not sure why. A mother of three does not love only one of her children. I do not love only one of my parents or my siblings. The human heart has an amazing capacity for love. This in no way means that feel a romantic attraction to any of my exes. I would not trade in my relationship with Gil for a single other man on this planet. But I refuse to believe love just ends out right. In some cases it morphs it's self into hate, or diminishes to indifference, but genuine love does not evaporate with the dissolution of a relationship. Loving someone else does not diminish what I give to my husband, does not lessen the intensity or scope of my love for him. I won't disgust you all we a pre-valentine gush about our love being bigger or better then all other loves in history, who am I to judge? But I will tell you that there is something special, even magical about my relationship with my husband. Long ago we came to understand that romantic love has a time and a place, that it has highs and lows. Friendship on the other hand, which is the basis for our love, our relationship, our partnership, that is a rock that can not shaken. The subtleties, the intricacies, the complex ebb and flow of our daily life, they seem so mundane but they are silk threads with which we weave our magic.
I have as ever gone completely of course. I have several exes in my life who I am very grateful for, some who I could have lived without. But they have and continue to shape me into the woman I today.
Now mister magic wants a chance to check his mail so I had better run. See, compromises, another gift I leaned from an ex!

Monday, February 04, 2008

I Laid An Egg!

I had very very good news at the doctors office today!! The clomid did what it was supposed to do. I didn't get pregnant but the egg was there! I have been given hope. I feel so good right now. Hope can keep me going for a while, hope can keep my spirits up. I know it is still possible that we won't conceive a baby, I know that. Gil is going next week to have his swimmers tested just as a precaution. It would suck for me to get everything in working condition only to find out Gil's swimmers didn't swim. If we don't get pregnant we are still looking strongly at adoption. I just
don't want to shut this door prematurely, I don't want to live with any regrets, any "what ifs". I am tired, I do hate the way that the clomid makes me feel but some sacrifices are worth making. Gil and I are still good and he is totally supporting me and my choices. I laid an egg. I don't know how to walk away from that!