Oh god

I am having a moment right now of nearly full blown panic. Thinking about only having 19 days to do all the stuff that I feel needs to be done. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I know that this panic is irrational. Theresa and Sara and Rena gave me a great pep talk yesterday about how it is jsut a party, and there is a part of my brain that understanda that however the larger part of my mind is just firing off left right and center. Guilt about my brothers and Gil's sister not being here because we changed the date it really wearing on me. I know that we did what was right for us but I still fell like we have disapointed people we love. Also I miss my mother more then I have in years. I am over tired and frustrated. The breaks are gone on the car so 3 weeks before the wedding we are going have to pour money that we REALLY don't have into fixing the car. This FGD car always seems to need something really major when our money is earmarked for something else. I feel like people think I am crazy or stupid or flakey for being so worried about this whole thing so I don't even really want to talk about it anymore. But I am scared. I have a constant butterfly in my chest. The only thing I am NOT scared about is marrying Gil. That part I know is going to turn out just fine. but the rest of it makes me want to cry.