Tuesday, August 09, 2011

The break up


WAAAAAY back in 2005 I made mention on my blog a ‘friend’ who I was having a problem with, what said was this…
“I have this one friend who always seems to need SO much and it is exhausting, it makes me reluctant to put myself out there. She makes me doubt the intentions of other people and I hate that. Anyway sometimes you have to cut people out.”

That was 6 years ago and I never did anything about it. The same ‘friend’ continued to make demands of me, of my time and of my energy.  I would be a liar to say that there were NO good times in there however in all honesty it was a draining, stressful and ultimately one sided relationship.
There had been time in the past 23 years that we had fought; times I couldn’t take it any longer and snapped and then we would have it out, we would say things to each other to be hurtful, sometimes we have not talked for weeks at a time but in the end one of us has always relented.  Other times we would get busy and more time would pass between calls and I would pray that maybe we were entering that phase where you just drift apart and we could end things with a whimper rather than a bang.
She continued to view and her best, and really only, friend but on my end the relationship continued to grow worse. I began to resent the constant demands, the manipulations, both subtle and overt; I began to loath the whinging and whining about how her life was such crap and how that was the fault of every one but her.
I found my self increasingly screening my calls, being evasive about plans and periodically out right lying to avoid spending time with her. But my guilt button is easy to push so I just kept going back, believing that I was obligated to be in this relationship because … we had history.
On August 1st I hit the end of my proverbial rope. I knew without a doubt that I was done. There would be no fight; there would be no whimper and no bang. There would be only stony silence. It is funny how in the end it really does only take one straw to break the camels back. One snippy, petulant text message and I was finished.  Literally I felt something shift inside of me.  I didn’t have the energy to dodge any more phone calls. I don’t like the way I feel when I am dishonest, it robs something from me. I don’t like the way this relationship makes me feel and done with letting guilt and Newton’s first law keep me from breaking free. 
So I'm done. I broke up with a person who wasn't a romantic partner. It has been very weird and I have moments where I feel like a bad person but I am going to get over that and in the end I am going to be thankful that I did this thing for myself.
Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good for you Meghan,

That is a very hard thing to do, especially when you are as nice of a person as you are.

Thank you for sharing, and if you need a hug is but a phone call and a shortish bus ride away.

*hug*

- james tilley