Our Story...

Gil and I met (we believe) in 1999 or early 2000. We met through mutual friends and quickly became friends our selves. At the time Gil was involved in a serious relationship and I was recovering from a serious on and off again relationship. Over the next two years our friendship grew until we were “best buds”. We had stuck by each other through failed relationships, major life changes, financial woes and mental health issues. When I found myself suddenly without an apartment Gil said he wouldn’t mind a roommate until I could get on my feet. In this time we got to know the best and worst of each other and we eventually came to see what was right under our noses, that as such good friends we would also make good partners. This was not a seamless transition and like most new romances we had a few hiccups at the beginning but they made us stronger and gave us lots of fodder for future laughter.

As a couple we have never not lived together which I think in many respects expedited our relationship, and within the first year we knew that we were both committed to a future and family together. Even so we felt no need to rush into marriage and waited until it really felt like the right time for both of us before venturing down that path. In the mean time we built on the great friendship that already existed to build a strong relationship; one that could survive a hurricane, a flood, living with his parents, psychotic land lords, unemployment, winter depression, sick pets, my father’s heart attack, the occasional crazy fight, both of our families, multiple moves and planning a wedding. From early on we had a mutual understanding that romantic love was nice and certainly has its place but the source of our power is our friendship. I can say very honestly that Gil is the best friend I have, likely the best friend I have ever had. When I hear something funny, when something strange happens, when I feel like the universe is bullying me it is Gil who gets the first call. When I have a difficult decision for make it is Gil whose opinion I seek. It’s Gil I want to share my experiences with, who can make me laugh no matter how glum I am, who I know will just “get” what I mean. What I really love about our friendship is how it keeps growing and changing. We are the same in lots of ways; we are both youngest children, we both grew up with fathers who had drinking problems (his recovered, mine not so much), we both moved a lot as children, we both went to SMU, and over the years our paths crossed hundreds of times without ever meeting. However for all our similarities we are VERY different from each other; our strengths and our weaknesses. Our political and religious views, our taste in music. Where he is patient and calm, I am high strung and neurotic. Where he exhibits a reserved social shyness, I can speak with anyone easily. He cooks, I burn. He could read a physics text book for fun (and understand it!) where as I have no brain for math or science. Gil is happy to stay at home and hang out and I am social butterfly always looking for my next adventure. These differences keep us both learning and growing. They have taught us the fine art of comprise; when to give a little, when to give a lot and when to dig in our heels and not give at all. Because we both have very different interests we can go away and do our own thing but always enjoy coming back to each other to share our experiences; we even included that in our wedding vows. It is very important to both of that our sense of individuality remains intact, that in blending our lives we didn’t blend our personalities. This has been especially important to me as I have learned so much about myself, about my capabilities, I learned that I can be comfortable on my own, doing my own thing and that I don’t need Gil to take care of me but it is okay to like it when he does.

Gil and I don’t always get along; sometime we get on each others nerves. We don’t always agree with each other; some things we will never agree on. Some days we don’t even like each other all that much; those days are few and far between. This is okay with us. We don’t have to be perfect all the time. People bug each other from time to time, it happens. You can’t live with a person, socialize with a person, and carpool with a person without periodically bumping heads. Some things are easily resolved, whose turn it is to clean the litter box (mine!), who left the toilet seat up (him!). Other issues will plague us all the days of our lives; who leaves “sock bombs” all over the house (me!) or who stayed up way too late playing video games (him!). It is not just the problems that test the marriage it is how you deal with them. I have learned that I am never going to get Gil to sit down and spill out all his emotions to me. He has learned that I will never stop doing that. I have learned that if I want an answer to a question I should just ask outright, Gil doesn’t get it when I beat around the bush and he doesn’t like it when I am coy. Gil has learned that sometimes I have problems expressing myself verbally and I get frustrated so he needs to be patient. But we haven’t come up against a problem in the last six years that we could not find our way past. As I said sometimes we compromise and other times we dig in but always with the preservation of our relationship in mind. I once told a friend that I put as much or more work into maintaining my relationship as I do my job and her response was that a relationship shouldn’t be work. I can see where she is coming from but she is wrong. Relationships are not self maintaining. They are like gardens. They look beautiful when they start but if you neglect them weeds take over and choke off all your beautiful plants. Gardens need to be tended to, weeds need to be pulled, plants fertilized and watered and if you come from my school of thought sung and talked to. Relationships need all those things too. There is no magic relationship fairy who comes along and waves along and fixes everything. Everyday I try and make sure Gil knows how much I love him. Everyday I try and make sure he knows how much I appreciate everything he does for our family. Everyday I try and remember why I married him in the first place and build on that. Some days I fail at those goals. Some days I bet he wonders why he married me in the first place. But the point is everyday I try... and I know he does too.

and I guess that's all I have to say about that.