Okay I am a bit of a mess. I am frustrated. I am crazy. All I can think about is "Am I?" I am feeling weird. I am having the craziest reactions to smell. Every where I go there are smells assaulting viciously making me feel terrible. But what if that is all in my head. What if I am just going crazy? What if I just want to be pregnant so badly I am experiencing this weirdness?
It is almost Christmas and I want to enjoy the holidays but right ow I am not enjoying anything. I just want to be happy. I want to be normal. Dammit. Why does this have to be so hard? Yeah I am feeling sorry for myself. I know it. Maybe this mood is pms. I don't know. ARG. I think I am going to go bury myself in bed and Hero's. I hope I feel better soon.
3 comments:
Well, it's a bit late probably for comments, but i'll go for it anyway. My only advise is to speak to a mental health professional. It sounds like you could possibly have a deprssion or anxiety disorder. If you are better now then it was probably just a spell of stress or a crisis. But I would only be guessing. Speak to somebody about it and find out. I did the same as I have problems that seem far out compared to yours! I see things that aren't there, my mood goes up and down so much it's like I'm a different person and I have the strongest fear, of nothing, and everything, just fear! Anyway, I apparently have a paranoid form of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and ocd. Nice. I'm suppose to take a cocktail of tablets, which the doctor and my family thinks I still take, that make it all go away. But I don't take them, because I'm not me when I take them. I'd rather see and hear and think about strange things that don't exist, I'd rather feel so naturally high I'm on coke and so natually low I want to jump in front of a train, and I'd rather higher the volume of the tv up and down 13 times before I can watch the tv, I prefer all this crazy sh** because if I took a pill, more accurately 13 pills, to make it all go away - I simply wouldn't be me. Besides, I have a rare enough ability to know what is real and what is not, I score off the charts in IQ tests so maybe that has something to do with it. Anyway, bottom line Queen, even if you think things are very bad, remember, (1.) there is ALWAYS somebody worse, (2.) things WILL get better, (3.) there is ALWAYS somebody you can talk to, (4.) speaking about it DOES help, (5.) BE YOURSELF
These are the things I try to keep in my mind along with the love between my family and my very few friends
(6.) There is a solution to every problem.
Good luck and take care.
Thank you very much for your comments, although you were correct it came a little late. At the time my husband and I were trying to get pregnant via fertility treatment and my hormones were SUPER crazy. While I do continue to be somewhat of a head case at least periodically life is very good as we work through the world of adoption.
Thank you again and feel free to comment anytime.
Post a Comment