Well here we are again; hormonal, tired, over emotional. This cycle of Clomid has really taken a toll on me. I am exhausted. I don't know how to keep it up. I don't know how some women do this for years. I don't want every thing in my whole life to revolve around getting pregnant. My marriage is the most important relationship in my world. I don't want the process of having to have a child to have a negative impact on that. I would rather be married to Gil then have a baby. I don't think that Gil would leave me or anything, I mean don't get me wrong. But this treatment makes me crazy, it makes me insane, it makes me unhappy. When I am unhappy I am hard to live with. Really hard to live with. When I am hard to live with I make mistakes. I have fears. I want to be a mommy, more then just about anything. But there are lots of ways to meet that goal. I am 33 years old, I don't want to still be trying in 2 or 3 years and be an old mother, not when we can start our family soon through adoption. So we have started to lay the initial ground work. I have talked to a social worker and we are going to an information session next month and we will fill out more papers then. We have decided to have one more go on the Clomid and then after that no more "heroic measures". We will go full steam into adoption and then just have sex for fun and if we get pregnant then yay and if not we will have our other child/children.
So that is our choice, this is where we are going. yeah.
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