So here we are again in the middle of a fertility treatment cycle. At the moment my ovaries are doing the tango out my back. My emotions are ALL over the place. I am basically exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well. Gil and I are starting to talk about where we go from here if this Clomid cycle doesn't work. Do we go another round, do we go stronger? Do we have the time and money to take the next step? When does infertility lead into adoption? Can I adopt given my personal history? I have already been looking into some adoption information and it is a scary process.
I think that Gil and I would be great parents given the chance. I worry that I will always wonder about what it would be like to have my "own" baby. I worry that we might not be good enough parents for a child with special needs. I worry about being judged not good enough. I think that I need to get some sleep. I need to rest and clear my head. Tomorrow is Friday and hen on the weekend I can rest. I can try and get more perspective. I can keep trying to make a baby with my husband until we are little and old.