Work

I don’t talk about my work much for two reasons (1) I know at least one of my co-workers have been known to read my blog from time to time (2) there usually isn’t that much to say. My job is boring. That’s it. It bores me, some days, to tears. I say the same lines of dialogue over and over and over and over. I make the same calls. I crack the same jokes with my co-workers. I listen to the same complaints.

I took this job for a reason. A few reasons actually. First off, well I was unemployed. Let’s face it, I need to work. Left at home on my own I go a little nutty. Second, it is not retail. Amen Amen Amen. I apologize to friends who may still be stuck in retail hell but I GOT OUT!!! After 2+ years at Zeller’s and a year at Frame Plus before that PLUS three summers in the Garden Center I was pretty much ready to commit homicide if I stayed one more second in retail. I was so tired of being treated like garbage, like LESS then garbage. For the last 6 months I was at Zeller’s I said to Gil every day “Don’t be surprised if today is the day I quite.” And every day I meant it. It was bad enough that the general public treated me like less then human because I work in the service industry. I am very good at my job. I excel at customer service. It is my curse; I rock at being a people pleaser. This does not make me a lesser being. But the worse thing was that I wasn’t valued by my employer. Talk about feeling worthless. Maxwell may be the most boring job I have ever done but at least I know that my management team ALWAYS has my back. The very few times a client has gone over my head to speak to my manager he has always stood by my decision. ALWAYS. Today I heard him tell someone “Well you have already had this conversation with Meghan and nothing has changed.” How cool is that. At Zeller’s they would come down on us so hard about the stupidest things, things that were so out of our control. Then when you needed them to support you they would stab you right in the back. Anytime a customer asked to speak to a manager I cringed because I knew it was game over, I knew I would end up looking like I was the incompetent one. I would stand there and tell the customer what I had been “coached” to say by management and then when the belligerent customer asks to speak with my manager they would swoop in and totally undermine me right in front of the customer giving in to what ever crazy demand was being made and pooh poohing me like am some unhelpful wretch rather then a cog in a totally fucked up wheel! Let me tell you folks something, you want to return some and get cash (or good as) in return? Take it to Zeller’s and when the girl at the customer service desk tell you no you just rant and rave and demand to talk to a manager because they will take ANYTHING back, without a receipt. Got dirty underwear you would rather return than launder? How about something that actually has WALMART written on it? How about an open box of tampons with several missing? People I am not making this shit up. These are but a few examples of things that I ACTUALLY saw, with my eyes. The 18 year old manning the counter was smart enough to say no but the manager who is going to make the biggest stink about profit margins being low is going to say “SURE! Just bring me all your garbage!”

I know I am digressing from my original intent but let me tell you another tale about retail hell. Let me tell you about COFFEE MAKER MAN. Friends will no doubt have heard this lurid tale already but I am going to tell it again.

It was Christmas season and the dreaded Midnight Madness was upon us. You may or may not know that I am pretty much a pumpkin; without an excessive amount of stimulants I am pretty much lights out at the stroke of midnight so Midnight Madness is a special kind of hell for me. Worse still while the rest of the mall takes it as an opportunity to have a Tax Free event Zeller’s (HBC) are WAY to cheap to participate in such an event. This always makes customers happy. So there I am at 11:30pm, just trying my best to stay awake and watching the crazies who are out shopping at this hour. A word of advice for some of you people, your toddler DOES NOT CARE about Midnight Madness and it is CRUEL to drag them out of the house at that hour. DO NOT YELL AT THEM FOR CRYING!! THEY ARE FUCKING TIRED!!!!!! Okay that said…. I was walking around looking for people to help when I came upon Mr. & Mrs. Coffee Maker. They were looking at coffee makers. I assumed they were looking for a gift but I was wrong, they were out at 11:30pm shopping for a new coffee maker for themselves, oh well who am I to judge at least they didn’t have a kid with them. I show them the model they seem drawn to and then we get into the haggling portion of the evening. I am thinking of telling him he is in MicMac Mall not a Turkish Bizarre but I know this isn’t going to help the situation. I remain calm, and tell him wearily that there is nothing wrong with the coffee maker, the price is the price. He grumbles a bit but then says “oh well at least we don’t have to pay the tax.” *sigh* Can you see where this is going? I am then left to explain in as nice a way as possible that the company I work for are greedy bastards who don’t believe in Tax Free. So there I am 11:35pm. Bone F’ing tired. Looking at this idiot who probably hasn’t had a coffee today and what does Mr. Coffee Maker do? HE THREW IT AT ME!!! I wish I were kidding. Sadly I am not. He threw a coffee maker at me. I must have given him one hell of a look because Mrs. Coffee Maker grabs her dear hubby by the hand and they book it! I am standing there, standing at the coffee maker laying in the aisle and said “fuck this. I am not paid enough for this. I am done for the night.” I sported a very interesting bruise for the next few days in a place only Gil would see.

And that people is why I hate retail!