I know that it is three months until we move but packing started today. It doesn't seem possible that we have been here two and half years. It feels like I was just packing to move here. Of course then I only had three WEEKS to pack. I was SO stressed I thought I was going to explode. I hope that does not happen this time. It is very hard to have all your stuff in boxes and have boxes piled up all around. I love being in a new place, especially this time knowing that is OUR home, but I hate all the hoopla that goes with it. I am also starting to purge, to throw out things that we no longer need, things we need not hold on to, things that are a bigger pain to move then they are worth. We got rid of the big TV that hardly ever works. We also got rid of the 5 disc CD changer that we never even plugged in.
I want to get rid of more stuff but some of it is hard to part with even though it is just weighing me down. I am thinking about taking some of my old journals up to New Brunswick and throwing them in a bonfire. I don't really need them anymore. I used to think I wanted to keep them because I wanted my children to know all about me. But as I get older, as I look back on that me who was so fucked up, who was so lonely and so hurt and so full of rage and I think I don't want my children to know her. I want them to know more about me then I know about my own mother but I want it to be passed through the mom filter first. They don't need to know all the gory details. And I don't have to be be burdened with the memories they contain. What is in there that can help me now, that can make me a better wife, a better mother? No. Plain and simple. There is nothing there that can bring me happiness so when not watch it all burn which frankly will give me great pleasure. I love watching things burn! I think I will also burn the court transcripts and everything related to that and maybe some old letters too. We'll make an event of it. Let this whole thing be a fresh start.
No comments:
Post a Comment