I don't even know where to start. I was feeling pretty good today. The sun was shinning and everything was great. Gil and I had breakfast together before we went to work. It was a good day. Then Gil called. He had a call at work from my friends Michelle's mom. It seems that some time last night her husbands car went off the road and he was killed. The news is reporting that alcohol may have been a factor. I don't know if I believe that. What I do know is that Michelle is the same age as me. She has two young children. She is a widow. A widow. How the fuck is that possible? I feel like my faith in marriage not my marriage mind but as a whole. So many people I know are struggling in their relationships. Three couples who were married around the same time Gil and I are separated and or getting a divorce. It hasn't even been TWO years. And now Kevin is dead. and that could happen to anyone. I have been having a huge amount death anxiety since I found my lump but it has been about me. My fears. I know we all are all going to die someday but it scared the shit out of me. I don't know what I would do if I were Michelle. If something happened to Gil I would be shattered. And now I am afraid. I don't want to become one of those people is so afraid they stop living. I don't want that for myself or my family.
I want to be alive in every sense. And I want to be a good friend to Michelle when she needs me. Sometimes I get this whole deer in the headlights going on in times of need. It is a failing of mine as a friend. It has happened more then once and it is not something I like about myself. I would like very much to change that part of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment