I had a fairly large revelation yesterday and I thought I would share it with you. On Thursday night I had one of my "No I lay me down to sleep" panic attacks. Poor Gil was up with me for a long trying to get me to stop freaking out about the fact that I am going to die some day. He assured me repeatedly that it is not likely going to happen any time soon but I went to sleep (eventually) totally freaked out that there was a chance I might not wake up. I have been doing this my WHOLE life. I mean it, I can't remember a time that I didn't worry that time was just too short. But it has certainly gotten a lot worse in the last few years. I recognize that as I get closer to the age my mother was when she died my anxiety grows but recognizing and being able to control it are totally different. But anyway, my revelation.... yesterday I booked a trip away for Gil and I for October 2011. Yes 17 months away. It will be our 5th wedding anniversary and I wanted it to be special so I booked the trip. But OBVIOUSLY if I can book a trip for a year and a half away I MUST believe at some level that I will still be here to enjoy that trip. So I am just going to keep on making plans for down the road, keep goals and dreams in mind and I hope that keeps life in perspective. Because you can not enjoy life if you spend all your time worrying about dying. There you go. How smart am I??
Also Gil and I have been talking about what our next big-ish trip will be after Mexico ( 263 days!!) and we have agreed on a week in New York sometime in the not distant future. WOO!