It has been more then a year now since Gil and I made the decision to focus on our selves and our marriage rather than adding a child to our family. I don't need to tell you that was a hard choice for us but ultimately we did what we had to do to preserve our selves, our marriage and our sanity. That does not mean that I suddenly decided I don't like kids and does not mean I stopped wanting to be a mother. I don't think that is something that ever goes away. Most of the time I am fine. Honestly. I feel like we made the right decision and I am proud of is for making the unpopular choice and sticking with it and yes even having to defend ourselves and that choice from time to time.
But I have to be honest with you there are times when it is really really hard. Christmas is hard because there is so much about Christmas that is all about children.
And baby booms are hard, especially when some of those impending miracles seem so ill timed or ill advised.
It is not hard for me to be happy for people, honest, but babies are not accessories or pets. I find myself editing in my head as I am typing this which kind of sucks because at some point I have become afraid of what other people will think of me. I am trying to NOT sound like I am saying people with no money should not have children and that is really not what I am trying to say. I am trying to say that children should be born to people who are able to take care of them. Anyway I can't seem to find the right words at the moment, I have PMS so that is not helping. There is a baby boom at the moment and I feel sad. I own it. I won't apologize for it.
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