The one charm of the past is that it is the past. ~Oscar Wilde

I had a very interesting revelation this weekend. In the midst of a migraine headache and a Christmas party I had a profound awakening.
I had the chance to speak with an old friend of mine who used to be a very good friend of mine and my roommate and we had a falling out a very long time ago. Somehow our causal conversation about what was new turned into a dissection of what happened between us and in the process I heard some very weird rumors about things that I had supposedly said and done back then that contributed to the demise of our relationship. For a moment I found these ludicrous stories hurtful and it started to dredge up some very old and painful feelings. I wanted to hear more and I wanted to have the chance to defend myself. I wanted to tell my own stories about the person who had said these things about me but then it dawned on me clear as day in the middle of the noise and the craziness and the conversation. It doesn't matter. Really, it has no bearing on my life now. It was more then 10 years ago. I don't hang out with those people anymore, I am not in the same place I was. I am in my life with my husband and my house and my dogs and my job and my friends and I love my life. I have a great life and what happened in the past is there, in the past. I have lived and learned and I am not going to get stuck in it. And you know what? That feels great. Honest to god it makes me feel light and happy which this time a year is a gift, a Christmas miracle.