The joys of womanhood

I would like to start this by saying I have never been a man. It is important that you know this so that you know that I am talking about this topic from a very biased position. I am sick of the crap that I go through every year based solely on my gender. I had almost come to accept that once a month I will feel sick, have a head, have mood swings I can't control, have sore boobs, cramp and bleed. It was much easier to swallow that when the pay off was that one day I would be able to create life in my womb, now that I have been declared a barren waste land the period just seems like a slap in the face.
On top of this lets add our yearly pap test. You want me to what??? Crawl up on the table, cover my self with a piece of paper so some doctor can make a human hand puppet out of me?!! I swear to god the next doctor who tells me to "skootch down" is getting a kick in the teeth. There is nothing pleasant about this procedure. NOTHING. Having said that I fully believe that every woman should have one every year. It is better to have it done, no matter how uncomfortable, then risk the possible consequences of NOT doing it.
Now I have another painful, humiliating, absolutely necessary yearly procedure to add to the heap. Once a year I now get to go have ball bearings tapped my breasts squeezed, slammed, pulled and tugged between slabs of metal and plastic. I get to start early because my mother died of breast cancer as a young woman. I can look forward to doing this excruciating dance at LEAST once a year for ... we basically the rest of my life.
As I have said I do these things because I believe at in the long run they will add to my quality of life. I believe that they are important and I preach to all my girl friends to have them done. But that is my problem, I only need to preach to the girls. What do the guys have to do??
Anyway I off to have a hot cup of tea and nurse my poor mashed up girls back to health.

Oh and just so you know I have started working on topic #2! Yeah I know it has been a LONG time coming.