Mini-rant.

So I was doing some reading today... at the moment Blogs are like tv for me. Totally addictive. I was starting off actually doing some research for topic # 2 Polygamy (sounds like a fun topic right?!) Anyway I got distracted, which is not at all surprising. I was reading the blogs of a few other expectant adoptive moms and they all start out pretty much the same. Months or YEARS of dealing with infertility. Endless procedures, tests, miscarriages, doctors, disappointments. I wonder is there something wrong with me that I didn't try THAT hard? I am not going to be a dedicated a parent because I gave up after half a dozen rounds of Clomid? Is that how others see me? Is that how a social worker might see me? As uncommitted to parenthood? Let me be perfectly clear. I would love to get pregnant. I would love grow a life inside of me even though it seems a lot of women spend the best part of 9 months unwell. I would love to look at a child to see bits of Gil or me or our family members. I would love to do it all. But I want to be a parent MUCH more then that. I don't want to be a parent after I am exhausted by the disappointment. I don't want to adopt as last resort. Gil and I both feel like this is a natural progression for us. And it leaves our sanity pretty much intact. It is something we are able to go through together. That is important for me. I felt so alone in the fertility treatments. It is a very isolating world. Gil and I are going to be parents together, we are partners in the true sense. This is what works for us.