Preparing to turn 34....

According to an article 34 is the most expensive year of a persons life. I can see how this might happen for me. We have a new house I want to decorate. We want to have a child in our home before the year is out and as I understand it children are expensive. I want 2 or three new major appliances. I want to get my drivers license which will involve lessons. So yeah, basically I am going to be a one woman economic stimulus package.
It is strange you know, when I turned 30 I kept waiting for the freak out and it never happened. I mean isn't thirty that magical age when most women lose their shit? I loved 30, I breezed through it like a stroll in the park. It was one of the best years of my life. Actually my thirties have been pretty remarkable all round. Certainly an improvement over my twenties which I would not repeat for love or money. I digress, I did not wig when I turned 30 but for some reason the looming 34 has me on edge. I don't really know why. In my moments of distress I have bemoaned that I am stuck in a dead end job, I am barren AND childless. Those dark moments are pretty rare. They are usually days associated with high hormone activity (like my own person 40 days and 40 nights which is blessedly over now) or when I am dangerously over tired. In reality I have nothing to fear from 34. It is not like there is anything particularly scary about that number. Well I lie. There is something a little scary. 34 is exactly 10 years younger then my Mother was when she died. I know it doesn't MEAN anything... but those little things they eat at a person very slowly and subtly. I am going to make it my mission to overcome this fear. I know that you can't have a great day EVERY day but this year I am going to make it my goal to have more days that are good, that are happy, that are productive. Less days with poor me parties, less days where I feel disconnected from the world, less days where I take out my frustrations on my husband and other loved ones. This is the year I learn to roll with the punches, to not fall apart when the plan changes. This is the year I stop taking things so personally. This is the year I start placing my faith in others, in god and in myself.
Is that too tall an order?? Nah, I don't think so either.