Day 3 - How discovering my inner geek made me a better person...

9 years and two months ago the closest thing I had been to roll playing was watching my cousin’s play a Marvel RPG on the living room floor in the 8^th grade.  I wanted to be the Silver Surfer but I couldn’t follow the rule so I just watched while the boys played. My one and only brush with the RPG world until I hit 27 years old. 

[Well that is not entirely true, my sister and I did spend an inordinate amount of time playing Wizardry but by playing I mean making up characters based on our favorite Terry Brooks novels making it halfway through the first level, dying and then going back to make new characters]

 Then 9 years ago I my life was in the shitter big time. I had really hit the depth of despair and I didn't see a way out. I was basically homeless because I had made some really poor life choices.I had dropped out of university,I had no job, and no prospects of a job. I was totally miserable. I hated my life and I hated myself.  I was staying at my sisters which is almost always a bad idea because as much as we love each other we are terrible under the same roof, but most of the time I was laying in bed feeling sorry for myself and crying. 

Then Gil came along.

[Well to be fair Gil had been around for several years as a very good friend and I am told he was around for about 30 years before that but not in my universe so it doesn't really count.]

Gil was worried about my mental health (good friend that he is he had been to the hospital with me at least once for a psych-eval when I got too close to the end of my tether) and he decided that I needed out of the damn house and I needed to interact with other humans so he dragged me somewhat kicking and screaming to a D&D game. He told me I didn't have to play, I could just watch, but I needed to be in the company of people for a while. 

And that was it, a gaming group was created in that calescent apartment. Over the years we moved on to different games and added more people, and lost some, but in a very real sense a family was born. They are the people in the world I am the closest to. This is getting WAY mushier than I intended but I love these people and I think ya'll should know that.  

This is how my life has changed since then.

1. I like myself. Honestly, I do. I feel good about what I have accomplished with my life.  I like my job. I like that I have been employed pretty much steadily for the last 9 years even when I hated what I was doing. I like that I have become responsible with my money, I pay my bills before I do anything fun. I hate being broke but I love the way I feel when all the bills I am responsible for are paid. I always pay them down to zero when they are due because I learned that when you only pay the minimum you get screwed!

2. I  have learned that having a creative outlet like role playing sets my synapses firing. Not just character creation, which I must say I still love all these years later, but also having to think and act as another person. To try and compartmentalize the Meghan and let the comfort zones fall away. Not only that but there is always the violence. Let me tell you a bit about the violence... I love it. First of all, it is fake. Fake violence hurts no one, ignore what they tell you about violence in video games. After an awful week at work there is nothing I love more than describing in detail how I smash the face of some jackass. I once almost killed an NPC (non-player character) by kicking him the balls, it was AWESOME! But see he had it coming. He was a BAD GUY! In these games I almost always fight on the side of good. I get to take on murders and rapists and ... bad folk and vent all my frustrations at being so ineffectual in the world.  I had no idea how much anger I held inside of me until I tapped into it with role playing and now I am glad that I have someplace I feel safe to explore those darker aspects of my self. 


3. I learned simple arithmetic. Something 13 years of school was unable to teach me. There is a lot of basic addition and multiplication involved in role playing and I finally have a grasp of it. I don't know what else to say about that except it is a damn miracle. 

4. I can make shit up on the spot REALLY well. I use this trick at work ALL the time now. Role playing is for all intents and purposes an elaborate improve and no one likes to be the person heming and hawing over what they are going to do next. A situation arises, you react. Someone asks you a question, you answer. Sound as confidant as you can and hope to god along the way you are making some kind of sense. Of course at work I don't make stuff up but I do think fast on my feet. It makes me an excellent customer service professional. You want a solution and I am going to give it to you fast and as sincerely as possible and as soon as I get you off my phone I am going to make sure I can follow through. 
I fear I have stopped making sense at this point 'cause I am kind of tired but I hope this all makes sense to you. 

Geek Pride!