Sunday, June 05, 2011

Day 5 - The Silence Project - round 1

For many years now I have tossed around the idea of taking a vow of silence. Not a permanent one of course but a temporary one. I have read of people who go on meditation retreats or other spiritual journeys where they have encountered this self imposed silence and it has always resonated very deeply with me. There is too much noise in the universe both externally and internally. People are afraid of silence and there must be a reason for that right? They are afraid of where their minds will take them without the distraction of noise. I am afraid, that is why I need to do it. I decided that now would be the perfect time because I could tie it in with this writing project.
My Goal: To eventually work up to one full weekend in silence. That is to say my own silence; I can not impose silence on anyone else, especially my husband.  
The Plan: I am starting with one hour (today) and then I will work up from there, 5 hours, half the day, one whole day and then a weekend. I would like to get it all done in June but that just isn't going to happen. So my current ETA is Labour Day.
The Rules: Well the first is pretty clear. No speaking. Unless there is a real honest to god emergency I will not utter a word. In addition I will refrain from texting, tweeting, facebooking and any other forms of social media that I may have missed... with this exception of my two blogs.
What I hope to accomplish: I have no idea! I am sure that I will figure it out as I go.

One Hour - The results show.
One hour was a breeze as I suspected it would be especially since it took place between the hours of 8 and 9 pm. I meant to do it earlier in the day but plans got messed up. I did however start before my company left and my husband was home and he did ask me several questions.
It was a very pleasant hour that passed very quickly and I felt like a serene little bubble of silence flitting through the evening. but then it dawned on me that how I really felt was fraudulent. I was behaving in a way that was mimicking how I thought a person in silence would act. I made myself an herbal tea, I sat our on the deck in the fading light and watched the trees. But it felt put on. Like how you behave differently in your own house if a new person is visiting. I imagine it was because all I was thinking about was the project; what was I going to say in my blog post; hatching grandiose plans about becoming enlightened; how cool people would think I am when they found out I had become enlightened. I imagine when I add time to my silence I will stop thinking horse shit and get on with the business of life... in a quiet manner.
Two things of note did cross my mind ... the first was that I can't hold on to a thought for shit. My mind bops ALL over the place and it is all very very superficial. The deepest place my brain went was "Do I even believe there is a god?" and then my brain wigged out decided that was WAY too much and skimmed right past it in a manner suggested it was very afraid that stopping there might get it roughed up by some meaner, deeper thoughts.
The second thing of note was how interesting every sound became. It was like my brain in an effort to quiet my mouth turned up the volume on the world. I became hyper aware of every little sound around me. I would like to explore that further as I as time to my silence.
Over all nothing earth shattering changed but I am glad that I have started this and I am interested in taking it further.


In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.  Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.  ~Mahatma Gandhi

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