Day 4 - welcome aboard the pity party express

I had this great post planned for today and I won't spoil the surprise 'cause I plan on coming back to it but for now I am going to say fuck it and just rant about this shit show I have been calling life.
Yeah I am in a bad mood. Yeah I really am feeling pretty sorry for myself right now. If  you are bothered by either of these things the door is over there, the big red X in the corner, please feel free to use it.
So a month ago my husband fell in our driveway and broke his leg in two places. He wasn't doing anything reckless or careless or any other kind of less so I can't really be mad him; accidents do just happen sometimes. I feel awful for him because I know he is uncomfortable and restless not being able to doing anything much beyond sit with his leg up and heal. Healing is important business and right now that his number one job. It sucks that this happened to him. But you see it didn't just happen to him. It happened to US. When you are in a marriage or marriage like relationship everything that effects you effects your partner as well.
Gil broke his leg and that sucks but this is about ME DAMMIT *insert foot stomp here*
Gil isn't one of those husbands who only does "man chores", he is a dish doing, laundry washing, dog peein' fool. In addition he does many of the chores that are considered to be mans work and I have been content to run with that stereotype because frankly I fucking hate taking out the garbage! Yes as long as we have lived together Gil has been a 50% percent partner in all the household crap that needs to get done so that you don't look like you live in the "slums of Calcutta"

(You can thank my Mother for that little ditty. When I was a child I was often told that my bedroom was messier than the slums of Calcutta.

God I am turning into my Mother, but that is a rant for another day.)

Truth be told if we got out a scale and weighed what we each did on a regular basis I would have to honestly say that Gil does more around the house than I do. And maybe that is why this is so god damned hard because now I am doing it ALL. Every load of laundry, every dish, every god forsaken dog pee, as well as the garbage and the groceries and the driving and a shit tonne of extra stuff I have never had to before. I can't go to bed early when I am tired because someone has to take the dogs out for the last pee of the night. I can't sleep in because.... well the dogs need to pee. Who wanted to dog?? Oh yeah, that idiot was ME! Speaking of my little angels on top of their regularly scheduled feeding, walking and ablutions Lulu is having a total melt down over what I presume is some issue with her daddy not being able to play with her much these days. She is destroying things that belong to him  and having DAILY accidents in the kitchen. DAILY. For a month. DAILY. I feel like I spend half my waking hours cleaning the kitchen floor no matter how often I take her out.Clearly she is mad about the broken leg too and acting out in the only way she knows how. Sorry dog but eating Daddy's book and pissing on the floor will not heal those bones any faster and I am the one who has to clean up after you so giving me a fucking break!!!
It doesn't matter if I have a screaming headache or cramps or if I am just tired of doing it, it needs to get done. I can't keep up with it all and things are really starting to fall behind. Did you know that after you mow the grass if has the balls to just grow back??!! Our lawn looks to ghetto it is embarrassing. I can't stand to think was the neighbours must be saying. I think that our kitchen smells (thanks Lulu) and I have reached the point where I am so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start so I get stuck and do nothing.
And here is the worst part.... my lizard brain is mad at Gil. See when Gil goes away for business I am a woman of action, I get shit done, I rock this job. That is how I know that most of this I CAN do without him. I can take out the garbage, I can mow the lawn. I have take care of all the four legged babies. Hell I am woman hear me roar, I can do anything. BUT the difference is that Gil isn't around. When he is away for work he is a phone call at the end of the night and a text in the morning. But now he is here, sitting in the computer room, playing a fucking computer game and my lizard brain just can't cope. My lizard brain despite my assurances other wise interprets his inability to help as unwillingness to help. My lizard brain is a prehistoric lump who hates taking out the trash, and she isn't going anywhere so my job is to figure out how to ignore her and go on with the show. In order to do that what I need is some sleep, I need to give my rational brain a rest so that it has the strength to keep lizard brain from beating Gil to death with his crutches. But I can't sleep because the dogs need to pee... and here we go 'round the mulberry bush.
For what it is worth I know how I sound and I do feel awful that I am so selfish. I know that the last few days I have the added fuel of PMS stoking lizard brain's feelings of frustration (read rage). I also know I have had a lot of offers of help from friends and that I should take up those offers. Honestly there is a tug of war there between the part of my that really wants help and the part of me that is embarrassed at how dirty the house is and at the moment I am not sure who is going to win.  Also I know logically that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, Gil's leg won't be in a cast forever and when he is better he is going to totally suck up and take the dogs for lots pee's and mow the lawn. I KNOW all these things and I am trying very hard to keep them in perspective but tonight... tonight I am tired. Tonight I came home after spending 6.5 hours in a drivers ed class, had to clean up puddles of pee off the floor, feed all the humans and all the critters their dinner and try and find some time to clean up the kitchen; when all I really wanted to do what take my PMSy ass to bed and get an honest to god good night of sleep. 

The is my story folks and I am sticking to it.